Jessica Simpson Is Still Skinny

January 8th, 2014 // 18 Comments
Science, Bitch
Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Spandex Dress Good Morning America
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A surprisingly skinnier, less jolly, Jessica Simpson appeared on GMA yesterday morning to promote Weight Watchers, so there’s no way that would last after some dude with a blowtorch got her out of that dress. Except here she is still looking noticeably thinner instead of wielding a gun at Arby’s demanding the kid who makes the turnovers pour the roast beef mix into her mouth. Which I literally had money on how that would end, so none of you saw me, alright? I was never here. *puts on dress, adjusts fake boobs* Yeah, yeah, how is the different from any other Wednesday, you’re a fucking riot.

Photos: Splash News


  1. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Fur Coat
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve always thought wooly bear caterpillars were sexy.

  2. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Fur Coat
    Commented on this photo:

    a. Lacking intelligence or knowledge, e.g., “a vacant mind”
    b. Lacking expression, blank, e.g., “a vacant stare”

    See illustration above.

  3. Why is she hiding behind the huge bags? Why does she walk with her thighs all separated like an obese ape?

  4. Jake

    She’s looking more and more like her gay father. And a little sickly, like she bing and purges ad/or had a lap band.

  5. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Fur Coat
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s got ALL the hide the butt & waistline tricks up her voluminous furry sleeves.
    Hope that’s fake fur Jess….the alternative may get you splattered by the NY NY fur fashion terrorists.

    • I don’t think the paint-splattering “fur fashion terrorists” of NYC have actually been a thing for the last 20 years. I mean, they didn’t do any more than throw flour at Kim Kardashian, and that was in L.A. Or did that turn out to be a hoax? I don’t remember now.

    • No problems as 10,000 Amazonian tarantulas were killed in the process , each individually making up that hideous outfit . Does that count?

  6. Still not hot.

  7. JennyJustice

    She is not skinny by any means and you can’t even see her waste because she hides it. She has lost most of the baby weight but her body is different now. I know she’s vapid and shallow, and even kind of dumb, but she was paid to act dumb on that honeymoon reality show and can’t help it, I like her. Always have, always will.

  8. Jennifer Lawrence's Butt Plug Collection

    What was the point of her again? T&A, and nothing else? Time to move on

  9. Soon David Blaine will reveal she was actually still fat the whole time and only appeared otherwise through his mastery of the dark arts. You’ll be fucking amazed. Or at least experience moderate, passing interest. One or the other.

  10. tlmck

    Skinny must be a relative term.

  11. Is that fat bitch knocked up again?

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