Jessica Simpson: ‘If I’m So Pregnant, Then How Do You Explain This Purse?! Dunn Dunn Dunnnnnn!’

December 13th, 2012 // 26 Comments

Despite the fact she openly started having sex immediately after giving birth so she can return to the delicious, comforting buffet of pregnancy and Weight Watchers hate her now, here’s Jessica Simpson seriously trying to hide the deep-fried bun in her oven with a purse even though she’s looked perpetually pregnant since the day after Dukes of Hazzard came out. She’d look less suspicious with a live cow hanging over her shoulder because everyone would just assume she’s gonna eat it. “I bet the Arby’s sauce is in her boots,” they’d say.

Photos: ADTJ/AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News


  1. That is not a purse, its a prenatal food storage container.

  2. Dick Hell

    Good call on the cow and Arby’s Sauce, Jessica. I worked at Arby’s while I was in high school. Believe me, the Arby’s Sauce is the only thing they sell that is safe for human consumption. What they pass off as roast beef is just a bag of mad cow filler with a few chunks of unidentifiable mystery meat. When it’s cut out of the plastic wrapper it’s shipped in it has to be wrapped in foil and put in the oven immediately or it will turn into a giant puddle of disgusting muck. A manager told me they tried actual beef roasts once but customers preferred the muck (yeah right).
    Gotta go, time for lunch.

  3. Jessica Simpson Hiding Belly Giant Purse Loose Black Clothing
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Notice how careful he is not to block his meal ticket’s camera shots.

  4. Jessica Simpson Hiding Belly Giant Purse Loose Black Clothing
    just me
    Commented on this photo:

    The three of them (Simpson, baby daddy, and Simpson’s mother) look like a group of bums. Fix yourself up a bit before going out. They don’t even look like they brushed their hair. Or teeth….

  5. Jessica Simpson Hiding Belly Giant Purse Loose Black Clothing
    Commented on this photo:

    Ugliest. “Purse.” Ever. The horribly pilled sweater looks like it came out of a Good Will bin :( I look nicer than this to go to the hardware store on my bike and I ain’t worth a gazillion dollars.

    • What difference does one’s financial status have to do with how one dresses to run errands? Hell, maybe it’s laundry day. Or maybe they simply didn’t feel like “dressing up.”

  6. NancyM

    I cannot believe people tear others apart for having a weight issue! What does someone’s weight have to do with anything except making you feel superior by criticizing? No wonder America is a screwed up country!

  7. Jessica Simpson Hiding Belly Giant Purse Loose Black Clothing
    Commented on this photo:

    All I see are big cans and some dumb ass boots. The fat is camouflaged!

  8. Sardonic

    Shelley Winters The Poseidon Adventure 1972

    • Kodos

      How DARE you.
      Jessica would flop about like a landed elephant seal if she went in the water.

      At least Shelley could swim! Forget Kate Winslet; Shelley Winters is your babe for OCEAN DISASTER!

  9. Snookie

    Christ …more kids ..just what the earthneeds.. hasn’t this retard hillbilly ever heard of birth control? it’s always the ones with the lowest IQ that constantly need to reproduce. And NOOO its not your right to keep messing up my planet with you spawn

  10. Maria

    I like how right under this article is a picture of Reese Witherspoon showing off her fantastic post-baby body. And she didn’t take a $4 million contract with Weight Watchers down her throat to get it.

  11. Jessica Simpson Hiding Belly Giant Purse Loose Black Clothing
    Commented on this photo:

    Why bother hiding it? You’re pregnant. Who cares. Is she ashamed? Embarrassed? Twit.

  12. Jessica Simpson Hiding Belly Giant Purse Loose Black Clothing
    Commented on this photo:

    At that moment, a young boy and girl at the back of a Hollywood tour bus shrank back in horror: the water in their cups was rythmically rippling…

  13. Why is that generation of celebrities so fucking worthless? Bertney, Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, Lindsay, Paris. Mandy Moore dropped of the face of the earth and she actually had talent.

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