After weeks of speculating, and even given my piss-poor track record that should preclude me from ever stepping foot in a birth canal, I think it’s safe to say Jessica Simpson is actually pregnant and not just fulfilling her membership obligations to The 5,000 Ribs Club. Except now that I said that, her dad’s probably going to hold a press conference confirming she swallowed another punch bowl. Or one of those turtle sandboxes. Whichever holds the most ranch.
UPDATE: And her fetus already brought the McRib back with its mind. Oh, good.
Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet
Someone is trying to steal Beyonce’s thunder.
Or at the very least, her French fries.
She might be pregnant, but she is also a fat pig now. Her guy friend is just running reverse golddiger 101 on her. Pop out the brats and be set for life by using child support payments.
I thought that strategy had a name: “running a Federline.”
lol you think she’s fat now?? wait til after she doesn’t lose the weight she gained
Gross.
It looks to droopy to be a pregnancy stomach. It all the double fat latte’s from Starbucks.
It’s a gravy pouch.
The McRib is all I have to look forward to in life
I’m betting she’s just fat!
Why do stars do this? The whole ‘not announcing I’m preggo, but really its obvious I am” thing? Aguilera pulled that shit too.
Stars are under no obligation to announce a pregnancy if they don’t want to/ are not ready.
If it is obvious why does she have to make a statement? It would be kind of stupid.
Also people like to wait until after the 1st trimester and even after that time things can go wrong.
She’s waiting for someone to pay the pricetag for the exclusive story. The sad part is, someone will.
look he clothing company is worth like a billion dollars. she does not need to shop around the cover story for her pregnancy. and I agree with fgfrgrr. why is it expected of celebrities to announce their private matters officially? its not like they are declaring a war or something…
…Ha!!! It’s obvious you don’t know any celebs—so let me school you a bit on what type of animal we are dealing with here.
Celebrities– no matter how much money they have already amassed, will shove their own mothers in front of a moving bus just to pocket a penny from the pavement.
Celebs have no understanding of the words– ENOUGH MONEY.
Mashugana— it’s like they all turn into undercover Jews when the checks start rolling in….Artofwar
Meshuggeneh.
And you’re a racist asshole ……….Art of War…..
What a fatty!
baby beluga?
That looks more like fat belly than preggo belly. It isn’t round just lumpy and doughy.
I’m sure the idiot who wrote the “big fat cow” remark is so gorgeous, so involved with dating, so busy being adored for his/her attractiveness…well, it must be hard to find time to sit down and type.
I don’t see a cow remark.
Nobody made a “big fat cow” remark…Karenna needs to revisit her medication dosage.
Although to be fair, it was even money that someone would have made that exact remark by this point. As Jessica does in fact look like a big fat cow.
I see “fat pig now.” It’s kind of close, if you’re not really paying attention to what you’re reading. I mean, one of the words is the same, and the other two are only off by one letter.
….I’ll see your cow and raise you one….Artofwar
MOOOOOOOOO!!!!
If they said “big fat cow”, I don’t think they meant it seriously. That’s the internet, we’re all here to bust balls. If only these celebrities – and Howard Stern now – get this.
she is obv preggers, ignorant hick that she is …..she is gonna be FN huge, here out that chick will NEVER be close to thin again NEVER ,her boobz are gonna be HUGE like freaky HUGE. She’d better stock up on fabric now, cuz it’s gonna be tent city. Oh and her dad, what a SLEEZEBALL!
Why? Neither of her parents are very overweight. I think she had a little bit of a drinking problem which caused her to get heavy or not workout as much. 9 months caring for a baby inside her will straighten her out- I hope. I think she’s beautiful and I wish her and her baby well.
she can get thin you know if she really wanted. and you know what you can never do no matter how much you want it? have millions of dollars like her ) so I suggest you stop worrying about her))
…If all you can say about a bitch is “she’s rich” then indeed with most probability she is merely just a bitch. Albeit bitchily outdone only by her butt-hole licking fans….Artofwar
Anna, Deeq could quite possibly already have millions of dollars. Or he or she may be smart enough to know that money doesn’t buy happiness. You never know. And you probably won’t ever have millions of dollars either. So in other words, great argument there, you must be proud.
I’m actually quite happy for her. She’s not my favorite celebrity, but motherhood is a gift and an amazing privilege, so congrats to her!! :)
This picture makes me want to take my pants off, slide The Fly into my VCR, and make buzzing sounds while masturbating furiously on top of a three day-old hamburger.
+1
+2
sensible shoes for a pregnancy. stylish even!
I’m 4 months pregnant and look like that. She’s totally pregnant.
If you’re “stepping foot in a birth canal” and you’re older than zero years, you’re doing it wrong.
Yeah, I was going to say, Fish, please don’t put your foot in a birth canal. That smell will stick around for months.
No, it’s not. It’s a gut.
I suspect the father is a jackal.
…I suspect her father is the father….Artofwar
Thats past 4 months
It’s my third pregnancy – she has no excuse.
minus Kim whore and JWoww whore, the only chicks featured on the front of the most recent 3 pages are blonde whores
Who cares about hair color? I’m guessing you’re a self-loathing brunette? Well I’m brunette too but I love my hair and you know what, just like blonde celebrities and even non celebrities for that matter, we can always bleach and dye our hair too. So why don’t you just accept yourself for the way you are and embrace what you’ve got? Doing so actually makes you more attractive.
I’m a brunette with awesome fake-ass orange highlights. :D
This is what happens when you’re a C+ list celebrity trying to sell your pregnancy announcement for half a million bucks. Nobody pays you, we can all see that you’re knocked up, and nobody cares.
Something tells me Jessica wouldn’t be any good at options trading either.
“Excuse me ma’am, you can’t park your Escalade inside the mall”.
well, the “Dumb Society” can be more than happy with a new mongol who will join soon………….
Pregnant suits her.. Pregnant makes her look thin, not pregnant makes her look fat, as weird as that sounds haha
A 30 year old divorced woman is finally pregnant. Yay this is big news…..
congratulations~
This must piss off her pimp; oops, I mean her father. After all, he was trying to extort $500,000 from some news agency/tabloid to allow them to make the pregnancy announcement; looks like there were no takers…
I saw a picture of her on the cover of some magazine, while I was standing in the supermarket check-out line, which had a picture of her on the cover stating “Yes, I’m pregnant.” I guess they sold it to someone for a lot less that 500K, most likely less than 5K.
Ok that’s it
It looks like she ate more then just 1 baby.
It can’t be a baby. She’s not married.
10 bucks says it comes out looking like the Hamburglar.
I hope she calls it Brandine.
Looks like the Mc Rib is back just in time !
The Mc Kid ! Bet the kid will grow up craving barbecue sauce .
SLEESTAK!
I thought she was a wholesome Christian girl who didn’t have sex before marriage? Guess that shit went out the window when she lost her virginity.
DO NOT CARE.
Good for her. After looking pregnant for the past 5 years?? – she finally actually is. Or she needs to take an enormous dump.
Maybe she got tired of the fat jokes and just borrowed Beyonce’s fake bump. When it’s deep fried Oreos and nacho cheese on the inside, it’s disgusting. When it’s a baby, it’s adorable. Well played.
that is one oddly shaped belly!!
She’s probably too lazy to go on a diet. Getting pregnant was much easier.
I think she looks great!
Wow…no one has anything nice to say? Congrats Jessica! Motherhood is a wonderful thing and best job ever! And if you think she is fat you have obviously not had a child nor have you seen over half of America that weighs more than her.
I TELL YOU AGAIN!
SLEEEESTAK!!!
(geez)
This picture makes me think that she’s just gotten fatter and is not pregnant. If she is, congrats to her. If she’s not, girlfriend needs to hit the gym.
The McRib – nice touch.
she’s not pregnant. she ate vanessa minnilo and nick lachey so they wouldn’t beat her to having a kid first.
Man, I remember when I was a freshman in high school and really looking up to Jessica Simpson as a role model because she seemed to have good values and prided herself on being different.
Sadly, she’s the same as the rest of them.
Sad how she is ashamed of her pregnancy. I guess being a really religious woman and praying with Tony Romo every night and now getting pregnant before marriage is a shame as a Christian!! They need to practice what they preach. I’m just so tired of these religious Christians preach about goodness and damn people who do unholy things when they are the ones screwed up in the head. I just say Jessica Simpson should just say she’s pregnant cause i know the media, paparazzis ask her if she is. But her fiance has seal his wealth for life now!!
She’s obviously pregnant, but sorry, she’s not fat. You people are seriously high. That is coming from a judgemental snob, so I’m right.