That’s A Baby In Jessica Simpson’s Belly

October 23rd, 2011 // 80 Comments

After weeks of speculating, and even given my piss-poor track record that should preclude me from ever stepping foot in a birth canal, I think it’s safe to say Jessica Simpson is actually pregnant and not just fulfilling her membership obligations to The 5,000 Ribs Club. Except now that I said that, her dad’s probably going to hold a press conference confirming she swallowed another punch bowl. Or one of those turtle sandboxes. Whichever holds the most ranch.

UPDATE: And her fetus already brought the McRib back with its mind. Oh, good.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet


  1. Kristina

    Someone is trying to steal Beyonce’s thunder.

  2. right

    She might be pregnant, but she is also a fat pig now. Her guy friend is just running reverse golddiger 101 on her. Pop out the brats and be set for life by using child support payments.

  3. Maris

    It looks to droopy to be a pregnancy stomach. It all the double fat latte’s from Starbucks.

  4. absinthe

    The McRib is all I have to look forward to in life

  5. Daddyoh

    I’m betting she’s just fat!

  6. Scylla

    Why do stars do this? The whole ‘not announcing I’m preggo, but really its obvious I am” thing? Aguilera pulled that shit too.

    • fgfrgrr

      Stars are under no obligation to announce a pregnancy if they don’t want to/ are not ready.

      If it is obvious why does she have to make a statement? It would be kind of stupid.

      Also people like to wait until after the 1st trimester and even after that time things can go wrong.

    • DogBoy

      She’s waiting for someone to pay the pricetag for the exclusive story. The sad part is, someone will.

      • Anna

        look he clothing company is worth like a billion dollars. she does not need to shop around the cover story for her pregnancy. and I agree with fgfrgrr. why is it expected of celebrities to announce their private matters officially? its not like they are declaring a war or something…

      • Artofwar

        …Ha!!! It’s obvious you don’t know any celebs—so let me school you a bit on what type of animal we are dealing with here.

        Celebrities– no matter how much money they have already amassed, will shove their own mothers in front of a moving bus just to pocket a penny from the pavement.

        Celebs have no understanding of the words– ENOUGH MONEY.

        Mashugana— it’s like they all turn into undercover Jews when the checks start rolling in….Artofwar

      • CranAppleSnapple

        And you’re a racist asshole ……….Art of War…..

  7. melissa

    What a fatty!

  8. Jo jo

    That looks more like fat belly than preggo belly. It isn’t round just lumpy and doughy.

  9. Karenna

    I’m sure the idiot who wrote the “big fat cow” remark is so gorgeous, so involved with dating, so busy being adored for his/her attractiveness…well, it must be hard to find time to sit down and type.

    • I don’t see a cow remark.

      • Nobody made a “big fat cow” remark…Karenna needs to revisit her medication dosage.

        Although to be fair, it was even money that someone would have made that exact remark by this point. As Jessica does in fact look like a big fat cow.

      • TomFrank

        I see “fat pig now.” It’s kind of close, if you’re not really paying attention to what you’re reading. I mean, one of the words is the same, and the other two are only off by one letter.

    • Artofwar

      ….I’ll see your cow and raise you one….Artofwar

    • Michael

      If they said “big fat cow”, I don’t think they meant it seriously. That’s the internet, we’re all here to bust balls. If only these celebrities – and Howard Stern now – get this.

  10. deeq

    she is obv preggers, ignorant hick that she is …..she is gonna be FN huge, here out that chick will NEVER be close to thin again NEVER ,her boobz are gonna be HUGE like freaky HUGE. She’d better stock up on fabric now, cuz it’s gonna be tent city. Oh and her dad, what a SLEEZEBALL!

    • lolz

      Why? Neither of her parents are very overweight. I think she had a little bit of a drinking problem which caused her to get heavy or not workout as much. 9 months caring for a baby inside her will straighten her out- I hope. I think she’s beautiful and I wish her and her baby well.

    • Anna

      she can get thin you know if she really wanted. and you know what you can never do no matter how much you want it? have millions of dollars like her ) so I suggest you stop worrying about her))

      • Artofwar

        …If all you can say about a bitch is “she’s rich” then indeed with most probability she is merely just a bitch. Albeit bitchily outdone only by her butt-hole licking fans….Artofwar

      • kimmykimkim

        Anna, Deeq could quite possibly already have millions of dollars. Or he or she may be smart enough to know that money doesn’t buy happiness. You never know. And you probably won’t ever have millions of dollars either. So in other words, great argument there, you must be proud.

  11. Jessica Simpson Baby Bump Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m actually quite happy for her. She’s not my favorite celebrity, but motherhood is a gift and an amazing privilege, so congrats to her!! :)

  12. This picture makes me want to take my pants off, slide The Fly into my VCR, and make buzzing sounds while masturbating furiously on top of a three day-old hamburger.

  13. Jessica Simpson Baby Bump Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    sensible shoes for a pregnancy. stylish even!

  14. Jessica Simpson Baby Bump Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m 4 months pregnant and look like that. She’s totally pregnant.

  15. TomFrank

    If you’re “stepping foot in a birth canal” and you’re older than zero years, you’re doing it wrong.

    • kimmykimkim

      Yeah, I was going to say, Fish, please don’t put your foot in a birth canal. That smell will stick around for months.

  16. Help

    No, it’s not. It’s a gut.

  17. Marshall Crist

    I suspect the father is a jackal.

  18. Jessica Simpson Baby Bump Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    Thats past 4 months

  19. blonde bias

    minus Kim whore and JWoww whore, the only chicks featured on the front of the most recent 3 pages are blonde whores

    • kimmykimkim

      Who cares about hair color? I’m guessing you’re a self-loathing brunette? Well I’m brunette too but I love my hair and you know what, just like blonde celebrities and even non celebrities for that matter, we can always bleach and dye our hair too. So why don’t you just accept yourself for the way you are and embrace what you’ve got? Doing so actually makes you more attractive.

  20. This is what happens when you’re a C+ list celebrity trying to sell your pregnancy announcement for half a million bucks. Nobody pays you, we can all see that you’re knocked up, and nobody cares.

    Something tells me Jessica wouldn’t be any good at options trading either.

  21. DeucePickle

    “Excuse me ma’am, you can’t park your Escalade inside the mall”.

  22. forrest gump

    well, the “Dumb Society” can be more than happy with a new mongol who will join soon………….

  23. Jessica Simpson Baby Bump Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    Pregnant suits her.. Pregnant makes her look thin, not pregnant makes her look fat, as weird as that sounds haha

  24. Venom

    A 30 year old divorced woman is finally pregnant. Yay this is big news…..

  25. adawei


  26. Ha Ha

    This must piss off her pimp; oops, I mean her father. After all, he was trying to extort $500,000 from some news agency/tabloid to allow them to make the pregnancy announcement; looks like there were no takers…

    • TK

      I saw a picture of her on the cover of some magazine, while I was standing in the supermarket check-out line, which had a picture of her on the cover stating “Yes, I’m pregnant.” I guess they sold it to someone for a lot less that 500K, most likely less than 5K.

  27. Ok that’s it

  28. Jessica Simpson Baby Bump Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    It looks like she ate more then just 1 baby.

  29. It can’t be a baby. She’s not married.

  30. Kate

    10 bucks says it comes out looking like the Hamburglar.

  31. cc

    I hope she calls it Brandine.

  32. Maynard Krebs

    Looks like the Mc Rib is back just in time !

  33. wily


  34. TheDevilYouKnow

    I thought she was a wholesome Christian girl who didn’t have sex before marriage? Guess that shit went out the window when she lost her virginity.

  35. Dan


  36. kimmykimkim

    Good for her. After looking pregnant for the past 5 years?? – she finally actually is. Or she needs to take an enormous dump.

  37. Jessica Simpson Baby Bump Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    Maybe she got tired of the fat jokes and just borrowed Beyonce’s fake bump. When it’s deep fried Oreos and nacho cheese on the inside, it’s disgusting. When it’s a baby, it’s adorable. Well played.

  38. Jessica Simpson Baby Bump Pregnant Belly
    oh i know
    Commented on this photo:

    that is one oddly shaped belly!!

  39. Steelerchick

    She’s probably too lazy to go on a diet. Getting pregnant was much easier.

  40. steph

    I think she looks great!

  41. Tiff

    Wow…no one has anything nice to say? Congrats Jessica! Motherhood is a wonderful thing and best job ever! And if you think she is fat you have obviously not had a child nor have you seen over half of America that weighs more than her.

  42. wily




  43. Jessica Simpson Baby Bump Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    This picture makes me think that she’s just gotten fatter and is not pregnant. If she is, congrats to her. If she’s not, girlfriend needs to hit the gym.

  44. Jessica Simpson Baby Bump Pregnant Belly
    Number 2
    Commented on this photo:

    The McRib – nice touch.

  45. Jessica Simpson Baby Bump Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s not pregnant. she ate vanessa minnilo and nick lachey so they wouldn’t beat her to having a kid first.

  46. TskTsk

    Man, I remember when I was a freshman in high school and really looking up to Jessica Simpson as a role model because she seemed to have good values and prided herself on being different.

    Sadly, she’s the same as the rest of them.

  47. Ginger

    Sad how she is ashamed of her pregnancy. I guess being a really religious woman and praying with Tony Romo every night and now getting pregnant before marriage is a shame as a Christian!! They need to practice what they preach. I’m just so tired of these religious Christians preach about goodness and damn people who do unholy things when they are the ones screwed up in the head. I just say Jessica Simpson should just say she’s pregnant cause i know the media, paparazzis ask her if she is. But her fiance has seal his wealth for life now!!

  48. Jessica Simpson Baby Bump Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s obviously pregnant, but sorry, she’s not fat. You people are seriously high. That is coming from a judgemental snob, so I’m right.

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