And Jessica Simpson’s Pregnant Again. Yup.

November 28th, 2012 // 52 Comments

“I can have fudge now?!”

So remember when everyone kept joking that Jessica Simpson would eventually get tired of trying to exercise away her baby weight for Weight Watchers and just get pregnant again. SURPRISE! And someone get me my broker, I want a controlling interest in Chili’s by end of business. Time is money, people. Us Weekly reports:

“It definitely wasn’t planned. But yes, Jessica is pregnant again,” a source reveals to Us. The surprise baby-to-be is the second for the singer and Fashion Star mentor, 32, and fiance Eric Johnson.

What I like most about that statement is that Jessica Simpson honestly can say this wasn’t “planned” because you never really know when you’re going to get pregnant again once you start immediately fucking after giving birth without using birth control. It’s just one of life’s unexpected miracles. There’s no rhyme or reason to it.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. The Royal Penis

    She’s not preggers again for love of children, it’s love of eating.

  2. Jessica Simpson Weight Loss Ashlee Simpson Macys
    TheMoMo
    Commented on this photo:

    I never would’ve even guessed that was Ashlee Simpson. She really did go the Jennifer Grey, route, didn’t she.

  3. I’m waiting for the inevitable “I thought you couldn’t get pregnant when you’re nursing!” comment.

  4. Grand Dragon

    I hope her gestation period is shorter than the average African elephant this time.

    • I’m curious to see if she swells up to the size of an elephant again. What’s the over/under on how much weight she gains
      his time?

      • Jack Ketch

        Eh, fuck it. Daisy Duke body ? Gone forevermore. Weight Watchers contact ? Not sure on that one. What a fucking joke.

  5. JC

    “Ahm Jessica Simpson, and I fully indoors the Duggar Family Plannin’ Method.”

  6. EricLr

    And the best part is that, because it was “unplanned,” she still gets to keep all that Weight Watchers money. Of course, any weight loss company who gives Jessica Simpson money to lose weight is about as bright as any hotel that gives Lindsay Lohan a room without demanding payment and a significant damage deposit up front.

  7. So, she got right back on the baloney pony again, did she? Gross.

  8. EDDIE HITLER

    Dead-eyed fucking cow! Exactly what the fuck is she famous for? Why should she get any press at all? The only thing she’s done in the last 10 years is gain massive amounts of weight and crap out a baby, and then make token attempts at losing weight. Even Ho-Han has done more tangible “work” than this empty-headed fool.

    • Okay, I’m not a big Jessica Simpson fan or anything, but she does have a really successful fashion line. Not my sort of thing, but hey, it is obviously someones. Actually, the shoes are okay. I’m 5’11, and she makes a lot of cute flats, so yeah, I like that about her line.

    • I don’t know why I’m defending her, but here goes: She actually has a killer voice. I wish she’d put out some new music! Not even being sarcastic.

      • No, she really doesn’t. And without studio enhancement she’d be nowhere when it comes to album releases, which have never gotten her any critical acclaim. She also she can’t remember two lines of lyrics in a sequence when it comes to performing live, so touring to promote anything is out – because as fat as she is, there’s actually a limit to the available skin that can be used as a crib sheet.

      • Didn’t she have some music video where she sings while rolling around in her closet? I remember that I could only masturbate to that with the sound off.

  9. Just in time to start the all fruitcake diet.

  10. zomgbie

    because 9 months is the new 15 minutes.

  11. whomsoeverh

    It’s not her getting tired, which I’m sure she was and was probably a conbtributing factor. I think the main reason is her $100 million net worth. Every baby this sow shits out is another 18 years of wealth for her fiance.

    • Jack Ketch

      Crudely put, but yep, true. He’s a leech. A Kevin Federline shaped like an Eric Johnson. Like another poster said, ejaculating inside her is like winning the lottery.

  12. Honestly I’m not buying it. She isn’t prego, there is no way she has had time to bang in the last few months. She has lost a ton of weight, I’ll give her credit there. But she never should’ve gotten so huge in the first place. When will women learn pregnancy isn’t an excuse to get fat? At least she breastfed. I had a friend who got huge and then bottle-fed and couldn’t understand how I lost all my weight so fast.

    • Why not “time” to bang? It’s not like she has an actual job or anything to show up for. Hell, she can barely get through a Weight Watcher’s commercial, and since she actually tried to cheat by getting a lapband, it’s not like she put in a huge amount of effort in the past few months running to the gym to drop back to a respectable manatee… iI mean, mommy weight. Really, what else is left to fill her day?

      Also, she was claiming she didn’t even wait for the C-section to heal after she gave birth to MaxiPad, or whatever the kid’s name is, because she was so gosh-darn sexy and irresistible that she was putting Johnson’s johnson to work again. Aside from the fact that this is an immensely stupid thing to do right after you’ve just had abdominal surgery, it’s also, not so coincidentally, why doctors specifically tell you not to have unprotected sex right away since you can easily get knocked up again before you’ve even recovered from the first kid.

  13. mrsmass

    i’m going to go out on a limb and guess that she’s very early in the pregnancy, approximately 2 minutes. last time around, she looked 8 months pregnant at 3 months. either that or she’s decided to not eat at Old Country Buffet 6 times a day for this pregnancy.

    • Jack Ketch

      It “was my first time and I wanted to enjoy it” (getting fat). On mac ‘n cheese, Chili’s, buttered Pop-Tarts and God knows what else, yeah !! Maybe this time around she won’t eat like a blue-ribbon hog at a county fair and swell up to the size of a Volkswagen. Yes, it was that bad.

  14. By the way, by “family source”, can that be Joe Simpson’s secret gay lover? Because I don’t find that to be very credible.

  15. porn star

    megP, you have kids? I.did.know.that. How is that working out fo ryou???was it all that you expected. I don’t have kids, and I don’t want them. I hate kids, I hated myself as a kid.

    back to our regularly scheduled programming.

    I would have sex with Jessica, but only if she brought her husband, and she wasn’t involved, and she just watched.

  16. NRC

    My bet is that she aborts the foetus (preferably with a coat-hanger, but it’s down to personal preference there) to make dumplings.

  17. Deacon Jones

    Her husband should be given the Nobel Peace Prize for having achieved an erection looking at her disaster of a body.

  18. Jessica Simpson Weight Loss Ashlee Simpson Macys
    Natty Ice
    Commented on this photo:

    This photo has captured the exact moment that Jessica and Ashlee have realized that Ashlee is, and always will be, the skinnier sister.

  19. Gary Grant

    Looks like she’ll fit the pregnancy in between meals.

  20. Rapsutin's Evil Twin

    Does she know what causes pregnancy yet? Did Ashlee tell her, or do neither of them know?

  21. This is bullshit. She’s still pregnant with the first one. She never actually had the baby.

  22. haha now she is a fashion star? Has anybody seen the crap she wears?

  23. cc

    Those control girls a fecund bunch aren’t they?

  24. kitten mittens

    It’s going to be a goooooooooooooood quarter for Chili’s! Merry Christmas Chili’s!

  25. Cock Dr

    When’s the wedding?

  26. Is anybody surprised by this? Pregnancy is the perfect excuse for her to be the fat pig she always wanted to be. I expect her to crap out a baby a year for a long time.

  27. Jessica Simpson Weight Loss Ashlee Simpson Macys
    angerinside
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m serious y’all. I make my mouth look like lady parts like this, and then he goes and sticks his thing in there. Shoot we do it all the time. And you wanna know what, I ain’t gay. So you leave daddy alone with all yer nonsense.”

  28. anonymous

    Does Eric Johnson really touch the fat, farting, hulking, manly, grotesque thing known as Jessica Simpson. Surely, when she pays him for his reproductive material, he hands it to her in a specimen dish.

  29. anonym

    preggers already eh ?

    looks like she wasn’t breastfeeding properly.

  30. elizabeth crannage

    I lost 145 lbs and have kept it off for 29 years in OA-jessica simpson’s games with food addiction are very sad for the ones of us who need to remember what true addiction is.I HOPE she gets honest at some point.

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