So Jessica Simpson Did Not Eat An Entire Cracker Barrel
After Kim Kardashian confirmed her marriage was a giant scam yesterday, I couldn’t handle anymore news that wasn’t surprising to anyone with the gift of sight, so Jessica Simpson‘s pregnancy announcement got to wait until this morning. Here she is in a photo posted to her official website last evening with the following message:
It’s True! I am going to be a mummy!
Ha! Get it? Mummy sounds like mommy, and she’s dressed like a mummy. It’s good to know she’s reading the jokes on boxes of Happy Meals and not just pouring them into her mouth then choking on the toy. You’ve impressed me, Jessica Simpson. You’ve impressed me.