Jessica Simpson Isn’t Wearing Any Pants

May 9th, 2011 // 64 Comments

Here’s a pantsless Jessica Simpson on a photo shoot in Beverly Hills Saturday where she apparently posed with her sister Ashlee and nephew Bronx Mowgli. Because if there’s one things children love, it’s carelessly exposed vaginas. Just ask Britney Spears‘ kids provided they can stop screaming and yelling about the turkey sandwich that tried to eat them. “Mama try pick up a biskit and it made that there scary growl then talk’d like Cookie Monstah. We was ascared!”

Photo: AKM Images, Flynet


  1. cdub

    First biatch!!!

    • Kelley

      It’s “worthy” a try ? Fuck, is English your second language ? Beat it with the advertising, OK ? The post is about Jessica Simpson …

  2. You may not recognize her without the bandit’s mask, but this is the infamous “Ham Smuggler,” who has been terrorizing supermarkets in a four state area.

  3. skygirl

    i dont understand how she is #1 in selling clothes. ive seen her shoes and clothes they are soooo tacky. just proves people dont know how to dress themselves. the sweater is a pretty color, but the sleaves are horendous…
    least her legs look good, her bloated face.. not so much… now that i think of it, beyonce beats her in the tacky look for sale…

    • Clarence Beeks

      I agree. This woman makes herself look fat 99% of the time. Who wants to look like her in clothes?

      This is cute on college/HS girls- Jess, you are 30. Dress like an adult.

    • Honest Abe

      I want to see the photo shoot for her pants… maybe then she’d go topless and show those big ole’ floopy titties!!

  4. wow

    the green ham-it

  5. hm maybe she’s the one who should have released a beaver movie last weekend..

  6. Asoto

    Is that a mexican poncho?

  7. “Mommy, why does Aunt Jessi have an armpit under her skirt?”

  8. Coyote

    I would make a woman out of her, but she would have to take those shoes off first.

    • gender reassignment

      It will take more than removing the shoes to make this thing a woman. You would also have to remove its male genitalia.

  9. I was wondering why I could smell chicken of the sea.

  10. Jessica Simpson Pantsless
    Commented on this photo:

    Now I don’t have any pants on.

  11. It had to be said

    Nice of her to run out and grab Dunkin’ after I finished with her . . .

  12. Some days I just wanna fuck her in the puss, in the ass, in the mouth and in between those huge tits! and other days she just grosses me out…Do I need therapy, Dr. Drew?

  13. No pants, but it looks like she’s wearing two bras.

  14. Kelley

    US Magazine must have their head up their ass, for God’s sake, an over-size sweater (fug colour) … and fug shoes. Yeah, high heels with a gross-looking sweater and she’s a fashion icon ? Gimme a fricken’ break !! GAH !!! And where ARE the pants, anyways ?

  15. DeucePickle

    Somehow, through the miracle of weird clothes, this sweater has really accentuated her jowls.

  16. Jessica Simpson Pantsless
    Commented on this photo:

    “ma sweater dun make me itchy pa!”

  17. Jessica Simpson Pantsless
    Commented on this photo:

    Always liked her, but she is a chunk these days!

  18. Where are the bad angles when you need them.

  19. yez

    lumpy loose sweater meat with a hint of nip

  20. It’s really depressing how easily my dick is fooled.

  21. Mr. Wooly

    Jessica’s deli meat is juicy thinly sliced, marinated, rare roast beef with a dab of horseradish sauce.

  22. JOSH

    she has the ugly stubby short legs ever, i hate women with short legs, they look gross.

  23. Wavecatcher

    I’m hotter than this chick.

  24. McLovin it

    look at that beautiful large rack, dumb as a post and huge tits to enjoy…first bin Laden’s death and now a blondie in a snuggie… god bless america

  25. S. Napalm

    She’s probably such a wonderful, sweaty sloppy fuck. Allah Akbar.

    • spookyfish

      But according to John Mayer it’s like being addicted to crack. I don’t think being addicted to crack is a good thing, at least not in this case.

    • scat mayer

      Here’s the secret of sexual napalm…she let John Mayer take dumps on her face. napalm=mayer’s turds

  26. Jessica Simpson Pantsless
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    Who doesn’t wear pants and likes and unending stream of picnic baskets?
    a) Yogi Bear
    b) Jessica Simpson
    c) all of the above

  27. Chase

    Lol Shes a lazy pig who can t even put on pants .

  28. Jessica Simpson Pantsless
    57 Stratman
    Commented on this photo:

    I see no evidence of your claim that she is “airing it out”; what, are you clairvoyant, or just guessing???

  29. I remember wearing shit like this in the 80s, with neon orange leopard print spandex pants and clear jelly shoes. Those were the fuckin’ days.

  30. Jessica Simpson Pantsless
    Commented on this photo:

    Love her legs

  31. Sandy

    This tranny is fugly as all hell. The only reason people think its even vaguely attractive is cause it hides its ugly man face behind all that fake hair.

    • Erik

      She is not a tranny ***hole Geeze she is a woman thats more than I / anyone can saty about you just back the F*** off man oh man & go back to your so called life

      • mel

        Most definately a tranny and the tranny doesn’t care who knows it. You can see the family jewels hanging out of the bottom of the giant sweater the tranny is wearing.

  32. cc

    Phew! I certainly didn’t expect warm weather so soon. Never mind, I’ll just take off my pants and cool off my twat.

  33. She’s Porky Pigging it right here. Th-th-th-that’s all folks!

  34. Kyle

    Can’t focus on anything but her dreadful hair extensions.

  35. Jessica Simpson Pantsless
    Commented on this photo:

    Penis button? Tu quoque, Jessica?

  36. Jessica Simpson Pantsless
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks amazing!

  37. JamesP

    Bzzzzzt. Wrong Superficial. The London Daily Mail has other photos that show she is wearing cut off shorts under the sweater. Nice try at a non-story though.

    • Boss Hogg

      Is it the same pair of Daisy Dukes she wears everywhere she goes? Either those shorts have fused to her fatty flesh and need to be surgically removed, or she suffers from the delusion that she is still filming the Dukes Of Hazzard and she weighs 40 pounds less than her current reality. If that’s the case, she needs psychoanalysis to help her stop dressing like a bit character from a lame movie that was made 6 years and 40 pounds ago.

      However, if she can’t get over that and insists on dressing like a character from that movie, she now has the figure for Boss Hogg’s costume.

  38. Jessica Simpson Pantsless
    Commented on this photo:

    if you look at one picture you can see a snippet of white short shorts underneath websites sites love to over exaggerate.

  39. Jessica Simpson Pantsless
    Commented on this photo:

    The green sweater with no pants is bad enough, but the hideous blue shoes? She looks so ridiculous!

  40. Jessica Simpson Pantsless
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s wearing shoes?

  41. Did she raid Bruce Villanch’s closet for that turtleneck?

  42. Jessica Simpson Pantsless
    Commented on this photo:

    And the problem with this is… from a spectators standpoint of cousre, call me what you will but if their willing to flaunt it, I’m going to look. It’s that simple, please don’t tell me she didn’t do this for attention….hot blonde+sexy legs+little closes= many male eyes and a few female eyes headed her way, class is over students.

  43. Jessica Simpson Pantsless
    Turd da third
    Commented on this photo:

    Its nice to see that potato sacks are back in fashion.

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