Jessica Simpson: ‘It’s Just a Coincidence’

November 15th, 2010 // 68 Comments

While it may look like Jessica Simpson‘s engagement to Eric Johnson was prompted by Nick Lachey proposing to Vanessa Minnillo, a source, presumably smelling of bacon and failure because it’s Jessica, has already gone on the record with People and TooFab, claiming the entire thing is just a coincidence because Eric had been planning it all along.

Okay, let me tell you what a coincidence is. A coincidence is Bill Clinton enjoying the world famous sex industry of Thailand at the same The Hangover 2 happens to be filming. That’s a coincidence. Jessica Simpson threatening to lock herself in the closet with a herd of Angus beef unless Eric Johnson marries her before Nick marries Vanessa? That’s coercion. Sure, this was Eric’s ultimate man-digger goal anyway, but why make the job more difficult by letting the sex turn into a really gross moon-bounce? That just doesn’t make any sense.

Photos: Flynet, Splash News

superficial

  1. JD

    I’m not going to be critical. This nobody’s bank account just grew by several zeros and all he has to do is motorboat Jessica Simpson a couple times a week.

    It ain’t bad work.

  2. The scotch tape she keeps finding in her hair and the stack of pictures of her from her better days sitting on his nightstand is only a concidence too.

  3. timbo

    He was that desperate to marry her he thought it was a good idea to do it right after Nick? Not Halloween? Thanksgiving? Christmas? New Years?

    I don’t think too many people are buying that, but maybe she mantrapped him like the sister did with her husband

  4. Jessica Simpson Engagement
    Jill
    Commented on this photo:

    “DING! I made a thought!”

  5. Coincidence is the stack of pictures of her from her better days that he keeps on his nightstand, and the scotch tape she keeps finding in her hair.

  6. Oooo……blue veins!

  7. Turd Ferguson

    He played in the NFL for 6 years, made $2M+ a few seasons, its not like the guy has no money of his own…

  8. JesseJimmy

    Coincidence is me convincing Jessica I have a load of ProActiv in my balls, and she just has to get it out. Okay, it may not be coincidence, but it worked.

  9. Roman

    Last I heard the sex industry in Taiwan is terrible.

  10. Coincidence is that sulfurous smell you get when you walk by her.

  11. Lady Blah Blah

    What’s a coincidence? That the toilet backs up after she takes a dump?

  12. Moknows

    Can u scream DESPERATE for attention any louder??? Her ex dated fiancĂ© 7 years b4 popping the ? This guy and her been dating 6 months maybe? And he was still married for part of that time!!! Yeah something smells fishy big time why not wait until Xmas to announce it, keep quiet so u don’t steal nicks spotlight or was that the point? Can’t see why some people think she is pretty…. Gorilla face with fake blond hair and big boobs daddy loves talking about!! Ick ick ick!

  13. Deacon Jones

    Pic 3 -

    Did Brian Bosworth screw a moth?

  14. Max Power

    What kind of racist retard confuses Thailand and Taiwan?

    • Niklas

      Obviously Fish meant Thailand otherwise he would clearly not have praised the sex industry. There is nothing to fuck in Taiwan. So it’s merely typo.

    • McFeely Smackup

      what kind of retard gives a fuck if there’s a difference between Thailand and Taiwan? Neither one is located between Canada and Mexico, so fuck em both.

    • Lt. Dangle's Hot Mama

      What is the difference? Besides the spelling, I mean?

  15. Bony Homo

    Still waiting for dudedoesdudeswithdudeparts…he’s awfully quiet today. Sorry to jinx it for those of you who are loving his absence for a change, but his beloved VAGIANTS took such an embarrassing shit on national TV last night, and I’ve been dying to rub it in.
    Oh, and now that I’m hurt and Kitna is getting all the glory, I can’t help but miss those glorious titties. Sure, she could stink up a potty room and was a sloppy drunk, but look at her…damn that shit is fine. Way better than Jerry Jones’ grand-daughter…whoops I meant some regular chick that ain’t as fine.

    • Been in the scif most of today thats all. No cell phomes allowed.. Giants are still top of nfce. Whos ur team wiseass lol.

      But yeah jessicas gettin old fat n ugly. Wont be long shes as forgotten as overthromo and philoops. Wish her well but but make room for some proper hotties. As in byeeee

      • mud butt

        Falcons have the best record…and a better point diff than the “va”giants…

      • no the jets have the best record. dirty birds are second and the giants are fourth. what’s ur point, there’s still half a season to go. and any great team you’re talking about is usually one injury on the offensive line from being mediocre.

      • mud butt

        I meant to say ‘in the NFC’, but they’re both 7-2, so how could the jets record be better anyway? Especially since the ONLY winning team they’ve beaten was NE, and that was way back in week 2. They barely beat Detroit – had to take it to OT!
        At any rate, the g-string men are gassed. Everyone now knows they can beat them after their pathetic display against dallas.

  16. A Man Duh

    I’m on a horse..
    **moo**
    …cow.

  17. g!

    Fat chick = BIG BOOBS! HAHAHA i like that ;)

  18. Jessica Simpson Engagement
    Bob
    Commented on this photo:

    The woman behind her has a tiny moustache on her finger.

  19. Jessica Simpson Engagement
    bernard
    Commented on this photo:

    Christo and Jeanne-Claude latest wrapping of whale

  20. Jessica Simpson Engagement
    ja
    Commented on this photo:

    nice high-beams. she may be pathetically desperate, but i think we all wish we were the one who gets to motorboat those on the wedding night

  21. burton

    all those fillers in her face are starting to make her face look like beaten play doh….

  22. Jessica Simpson Engagement
    Julie
    Commented on this photo:

    Jessica should take lessons from Katy Perry about showing cleavage.
    Because her rack is just as awesome and yet I’d never know based on what she usually wears.

  23. See Alice

    Jessica has a classic rack .

  24. Jessica Simpson Engagement
    CIDM
    Commented on this photo:

    the woman holding her arm also has a small moustache on her finger – she just doesn’t have it ‘in position’

  25. And that my friends is how we have craters on the moon (the “Man on the Moon” was thanks to her funbags, it’ll make any man smile). Thanks for a chuckle, fish!

  26. Anon

    Kinda funny how her “engagement” ring isn’t even an engagement ring at all. It has a damn ruby in it.

    Sounds like she picked out a ring she already had, looked at him with crazy eyes and announced “surprise! engagement!”

    Of course, his answer to that would be “surprise! buttsex!”

  27. Jessica Simpson Engagement
    Ho.Lee.Shit
    Commented on this photo:

    There was a third lady with a tiny mustache, but Jessica ate her.

  28. Jessica Simpson Engagement
    Nick Lachey
    Commented on this photo:

    I used my “finger mustache” as more of a “landing strip” with Jessica ;)

  29. Mama Pinkus

    ladies, don’t forget the sunscreen in that area between your neck and chest – in later years, that will give your age away more than your face will

  30. Life

    Eric has promised Jessica to manage her and break her away from dear old Dad respectfully. He told her it was now or never, that’s to comp him for giving up grad school, etc, etc. Jessica and family is a duplicate of Britney Spears and family. Eric will be in the duel for his life by taking on old Joe S. It worked out well for Pete, but Pete’s parents had his back and Joe knows that Ash has a little bit more between the ears than Jess!

  31. Jessica Simpson Engagement
    johng
    Commented on this photo:

    what an ugly cunt

  32. Fuckjudger

    A cursory glance suggests that she has a clean, tight, odour free, well manicured and well lubricated vagina.

    Her vacant expression suggests she also is happy to taken anal and deep throat.

    In summary, I would give her a 9.5 on the Alba-Widdicombe fuckability scale.

  33. Jessica Simpson Engagement
    aids
    Commented on this photo:

    god dam i want her so bad

  34. How sweet, matching bum chins. Their children never had a chance..

  35. wim

    what?
    ……HAVING NO BRAINS AT ALL?

  36. atotalcad

    The guy went to Yale. Can you imagine when he drags her to an alumni reunion? “Hi guys, I am motorboating these every fucking day! What the fuck did you do with YOUR degree?”

  37. She waterboarded him with bacon grease and haagan Daz until he popped the question.

  38. whitepuzzylover

    damn i want to see tose tits

    • Lt. Dangle's Hot Mama

      I wanna see your little dick, what’s your point?

      Nice tits, yes, no doubt. But, where are all the epics of hot men and their nice dicks?

      It is a Man’s world.
      ( Most have little dicks and most don;t know how to eat p*ssy, so it evens out, I guess;P )

  39. So are we to believe the pictures of her here are recent? Give me a break. The pictures of her in the thread following this show her as having a few more chins. If Simpson looked the way she does in some of those above pictures I would say hey, she still looks good. She doesn’t. Not even close. FALSE ADVERTISING!!!!

  40. Robert Acquafresca

    tits are fake but she is still hot.

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