Jessica Simpson Is Wearing Tarps Now

March 26th, 2012 // 64 Comments
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Jessica Simpson sits on the throne of a billion dollar fashion empire, so you’d just assume she’d be caught dead before being seen wearing a giant green mumu/tabletop/tarp. Then again, you’d also be assuming this is a woman who doesn’t hot box her business associates into submission but I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. Now if you’ll excuse me, this is the part where she tells Jar-Jar he’s a bombad general now after she’sa thinkin’ da Naboo thinka they so smart.

Photos: Pacific Coast News


  1. merciful percival

    i’d pee in her but

    • anonymous

      Wow what a coincidence. I know this divorcee claimed she’s out of work but still makes $86/hr on the interet. Even though it’s a secret, she said that its a total scam and the website is linked to criminal activities.

  2. JC

    Somewhere, a miniature golf course manager is wondering why someone would steal all of the artificial turf from hole 7.

  3. alex

    I thought Violet Beauregarde was, you know, violet.

  4. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s just baby weight.

  5. Frank Burns

    Its merely a way of hiding the copious dribbles from the 5-gallon tub of leftover Shamrock Shake she’s going to chug for her early late evening snack.

  6. Do_Freebird

    Don’t be cruel, that’s not a tarp, it’s a tepee. It’s got a hole in the middle to let the smoke out.

  7. EricLr

    She’s trying out for a role in The Hobbit.

  8. Deacon Jones

    Man, I would love it if someone had kept an item by item daily list of all the shit she ate.

    I bet most of us would be in tears reading through it.

  9. George Burdell

    She has abandoned all restrictive clothing since an assistant almost lost an eye when rhinestone button broke free from a maternity dress.

  10. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like I’m dating a pastor!

  11. I think she’s wearing a hot air balloon. I saw where she had ‘Met Life’ colored in on the back.

  12. Dick Hell

    Driving her around every day is depleting the nation’s fuel supplies and driving up the price of gas. She needs to keep her ass parked at Sea World until this whole ugly episode is over.

    • Beans Above the Frank

      The baritone was this girl named Jessica Simpson, big fat girl, I mean, like, orca fat. She was so stressed in the morning…

  13. it had to be said

    Mama Cass?

  14. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’ve never rehearsed eating dinner before, y’all!”

  15. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like she’s wearing a bodybag.

  16. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Love it that she’s leaving a rehearsal dinner. Guess she rehearsed breakfast, brunch, lunch, tea, supper, and dessert too, at least three times each day for the last six months.

    • Cock Dr

      You can tell though that she is getting really good at it.
      She’s gonna take that Weight Watcher money and buy more tarps. No one will truly know what her size is. She’ll “Diet” for a few months, then line up a talk show for the big tarp unveiling. Sure, she’ll have lost some weight, and she won’t have a gravy-stuffed bun in the oven any longer, but we’ll all just have to take her word on the numbers. HA!

  17. hijkmno

    did ya hear the interview where she claims to have only gained 40lbs during this pregnancy?

  18. Deacon Jones

    I’m calling it here and now.

    She’s going to blow up like nothing we’ve ever seen before on the celebrity level. Blow up.

  19. Sumpilote

    Blonde Demis Roussos?

    • CranAppleSnapple

      Wow! I haven’t heard that name since the early 80′s! Wasn’t he famous around the same time as Kamahl?

  20. how was Beyonce pregnant for 5 minutes and this one’s been pregnant for a year & 1/2? 40 lbs my ass, I cannot believe she’s upright!

  21. Suddenly, I’m getting the urge to watch Dune.

  22. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    Ho ho ho, Green Giant!

  23. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    The Great White Oprah.

  24. Deacon Jones

    Is that bad if you get bigger than your husband who played in the NFL?

  25. I get the feeling that these are the only clothes that will fit her AFTER the pregnancy as well. Hope she stocked up. Can you buy muu-muus in bulk at the Costco?

  26. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is she pregnant 5 times longer then any average women and 8 times longer then Beyonce?

  27. Think of all the trouble she went to: digging up Helen Roper’s corpse for that turbo muumuu!

  28. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s getting those crazy Woody Harrelson eyes.

  29. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    Ah, the green monster at Fenway Park…only smaller.

  30. You can really see her resemblance to her father in these pics. I am assuming, of course, that her father is legendary method actor Marlon Brando.

  31. I can’t tell for sure… that black embroidery spells “Coleman”, doesn’t it?

  32. Blubbo

    Fucking fatass. “Uh wash muhself with a rag on a stick.” I wonder if she has a special “dialing wand” so she can call the pizza wagon.

  33. guest

    is it just me or does it seem like jessica simpson been pregnant for the longest period?

  34. bobalu

    Jessica just killed my boner.

  35. Neal

    Reminds me of that old children’s toy with the spinning dial & animals…….and the fat cow says MuuMuu

  36. mbcl

    “Green Acres is the place to be”

  37. The Royal Penis

    She’s taking Ann Wilson’s place in “Heart”. She’ll lip sync of course, just like her sister.

  38. King Diamond

    When did Demis Roussos die his hair blonde and shave his beard?

  39. YoMamma

    The Mrs. Roper Collection. Anyone besides me remember that?

  40. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    Just fucking awful.

  41. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:


  42. The Blue Pill

    I know she’s pregnant and all but she looks like someone put Jabba the Hut in a green moo moo.

  43. Angie

    I don’t know what that asshole is smiling about. After she pushes that immense baby out of her blow hole, her cooter is probably going to look like a freshly popped boil.

  44. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    Tarp? It can be used to cover an entire baseball field, an elephant, a hot air balloon. the snoopy 1 met life,

  45. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Chalie Scheen
    Commented on this photo:

    Do you think they would allow the new mom to receive a Cleveland steamer as she is delivering her baby? It would certainly make it a day to remember. The creaminess might have a relaxing effect on the mom. And, ok, I volunteer.

  46. cc

    I think we can safely say she’s not ‘having a baby’ she’s having a ‘litter’.

  47. Nice touch she threw on the hillbilly MOO-MOO dress by Omar the Tent Maker. And be careful around her if she smells cookie on your breath your done for.

  48. Pregnant Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s ugly!! Most famous women don’t let themselves go this much during pregnancy she is so fat and that’s not just baby weight she must be pigging out. Good luck hun getting all that weight off. I only gained the recommended 30 lbs when I was preganant my Dr. said you shouldn’t gain any more than 45 or your putting yourself and baby at risk. She has gained way too much weight!!!!!

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