Jessica Simpson is Still a Lady

October 6th, 2010 // 31 Comments

Remember that time Jessica Simpson farted in a business meeting? Apparently so does she. Via Twitter:

This link just made my morning! RT @OMGFacts: The average person farts about 14 TIMES each day! How to fart less? –> http://bit.ly/dl3Dss.

Because humans are a curious and superstitious lot, I clicked on the link and here’s the earth-shattering advice – in its entirety – that someone was forced to read to Jessica Simpson this morning:

Fourteen farts add up to about a pint of gas daily! You can cut down on your farts (or at least the bad smelling ones) by reducing your intake of dairy products and fatty foods. Another way to fight your gastrointestinal odors is by eating artichokes!

And I’m going to walk away from this one. I have a pretty strict policy on making fart jokes on the site even though some of you might be thinking, “What about all the ones involving your penis?” Try to think of it like the fine line between a really inventive drink-maker and a rapist. One of them inebriates you with well-masked quantities of liquor so you make horrible decisions while the other just tries to pretend it’s a Smartie they dropped in your bottle of water. I really can’t explain it any clearer than that.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Ash Bones

    I’d hit it

  2. Da Crabby One

    FIRST!!!!!!!

  3. Tony

    I’d marry this loon in a heartbeat, gas and all.

    • Rocky Bushrod

      Haha she is indeed gassy – on the newlyweds show she would routinely stink up the joint and belch like Barney on the simpsons…still the case, apparently.
      But I have to say, after all the slags fish has been posting lately, she looks fine as wine!

  4. fester

    Judging from that photo I’m forced to conclude that this must be batshit-crazy month. The caption should read, “Jessica receives telepathic instructions from gas-giant Uranus.”

    At this point the only thing she could do to look sane is stand next to Victoria Jackson.

  5. Burke, Esq.

    I can’t get past the retarded ass look she is sportin’….WTF! This chick’s weight fluxuates more than a thermostat..She is stupid and has become unfuckable at this point in her life..She was probably the one that ate her dog. High protein diets do cause a lot of gas as well.

  6. Crabby Old Guy

    You just KNOW that, if you were busy munching on her box, she’d let a huge one go and then try to pretend that the cat did it.

  7. Boo
    Commented on this photo:

    SHe has definitely put weight on . . .

  8. i’d follow her around and eat her farts all day. end of problem…

  9. Christine O'Donnell
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s not fat, she’s almost pregnant.

  10. Sardonic

    That’s obviously her “wait and listen while I fart” face. Note the slight head lean to the left which indicates her right ass cheek has been properly raised for quality audible and maximum odor dispersion. Damn, she is a pro!

  11. Rough vs JS's volcano

    Antichoke? Isn’t that one of them veggies. Jessie rather swallow than eat that. And she it. Coming from a reliable source of course…

    Btw. My large naturals theory applies here…

  12. Rough vs JS's volcano

    And she hates it. (Fill in the blank) I hate BB

  13. Ricky Rao

    yeah she may be stupid but i still wanna motorboat that amazing rack

  14. sara
    Commented on this photo:

    definitely getting into Delta Burke territory…….:(

  15. Its

    Come on, Superficial writer! You make this mistake all the time:

    it’s = it is
    its = possessive pronoun

  16. captain america

    she was GLAD & RELIEVED there was a smelly WET fart!!

  17. The petulant one

    I’d French her asshole.

  18. Simpson is another one I put in the category of “Sometimes Hot, other times Not” The look on her face in the first picture is priceless. She’s dim. I mean DIM looking. Like someone asked her a question and she’s sitting there ‘What? what does that mean?’ and then the Jeopardy theme song starts playing in her empty head.

    fuckable, definately, but not marriage material. I’d murder her after trying to have one conversation with her.

  19. Sian

    ^^’Marriage material’ — this must be the very first time those words appeared in a Superficial thread. In a Jessica Simpson post, no less.

  20. Apostate

    I suspect that she was ripping a loud one while simultaneously tweeting this….What’s NOT to love about this Texan tamale,I ask ya?

  21. UhhhOk

    Wow, this article is really hypocritical. I mean, I don’t necessarily like or dislike Jessica Simpson but if someone’s going to write an article about her farting I’d think the last person on earth to write it would be one that starts the article by talking about their own personal “shitting” obsession. I mean, come on, farting isn’t exactly pretty but at least it’s just air and goes away after a few minutes. If you walk around shitting your pants all day that not only stinks someone also has to clean it up! Far worse in my opinion! Maybe Jessica Simpson should write an article about how discusting you, the writer, are!

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