In case this BioShock post wasn’t evidence enough, I have little to no knowledge of the female anatomy, so maybe someone can explain to me why I feel like I’m looking at the bottom of Jessica Simpson‘s ass in these pics? Is her dress really that short or do I not know how butt’s work? (They honk if you squeeze them, right?) More importantly, is this and the giant purse all part of her plan to get me to not look at her gut? Because it worked and is literally the smartest thing she’s ever done even if I’m almost positive her first plan was to just tape chicken wings to her naked breasts. “Who don’t like both these?” she probably said because, again, just super smart now and shouldn’t let dumb people tell her no anymore. They’re not a jean-bus like you, Jessica.