Wait, Is That Jessica Simpson’s Butt?

October 22nd, 2012 // 47 Comments

In case this BioShock post wasn’t evidence enough, I have little to no knowledge of the female anatomy, so maybe someone can explain to me why I feel like I’m looking at the bottom of Jessica Simpson‘s ass in these pics? Is her dress really that short or do I not know how butt’s work? (They honk if you squeeze them, right?) More importantly, is this and the giant purse all part of her plan to get me to not look at her gut? Because it worked and is literally the smartest thing she’s ever done even if I’m almost positive her first plan was to just tape chicken wings to her naked breasts. “Who don’t like both these?” she probably said because, again, just super smart now and shouldn’t let dumb people tell her no anymore. They’re not a jean-bus like you, Jessica.

Photos: Fame/Flynet

superficial

  1. That is one FUCKEN huge bag! :)

  2. Randal

    Jessica is looking great in this photo opportunity, just look at those great muscular calves she obviously takes good care of. The smile she wears clearly says a lot about the enjoyment she’s been having in life as a mother, and best of all, she still has all her beauty.

    Keep doing what you’re doing Jessica!

    Randal

    • I’ve missed Randal. It’s good to see him back.

    • Jack Ketch

      Never end a sentence with a preposition, Randal.

      • Randal

        The spurious rule about not ending sentences with prepositions is a remnant of Latin grammar, in which a preposition was the one word that a writer could not end a sentence with. But Latin grammar should never straightjacket English grammar. If the superstition is a “rule” at all, it is a rule of rhetoric and not of grammar, the idea being to end sentences with strong words that drive a point home. That principle is sound, of course, but not to the extent of meriting lockstep adherence or flouting established idiom.

        Randal

      • Jack Ketch

        Holy Christ, Randal, lol. Winston Churchill said it best: “Never a sentence end, a preposition with.” We’ll leave it at that.

      • Way to go, Jack. Now you got him riled.
        It’s OK, Randal. Everything will be jus-s-s-t fine. Deep breath…? Ahhh, much better. Now here are your meds, and a nice glass of lemonade. Drink it all gone, like a good boy…

      • Livinus Nwambe

        Haha… I was a high school English teacher, and if you think that’s grammar terrible enough to warrant a call out, then I urge you to avoid visiting facebook, news-comment sites or interaction with humanity as a whole.

        I got over it simply by understanding that there are a lot of people with less-than-stellar grammar and spelling in the world, and the best way to ensure that they would never change would be to pick at what they did wrong. That, and for the most part, it’s quite a simple task to parse meaning from what people say – Our brains are designed as such.

    • Harvey Fierstein

      the eternal sunshine of the uncluttered, possibly non – functional , mind

  3. I recently heard a joke about America.

    “America is like Jessica Simpson. Sometimes it’s so stupid it embarrasses you, but how about them titties?”

  4. juicyfruit

    I think she looks fantastic. It is hard on the body having big babies. She is coming together just fine. On some women, it just takes longer to get the baby weight off. She looks happy.

  5. neo

    Still would fuck her 8 ways till july.

  6. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Those legs have to be strong…look what they’re carrying.
    She is slowly trimming down…good for her.
    Yes the giant purse is to block the camera shots of her torso and it can carry 20 pounds of celery sticks and a bottle of white lightning with room to spare.

  7. anonymous

    She is probably the first person ever that the trainer at the gym would NOT have her work on her legs and calves. Even the Hulk would be a bit jealous.

  8. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Doo Doo Brown
    Commented on this photo:

    screw this man-faced troll, who’s that beauty in the sun dress to the left? gorgeous.

  9. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Elle Diabla
    Commented on this photo:

    Bridge Bardot hair? Check
    Pool table legs? Check

  10. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Elle Diabla
    Commented on this photo:

    Her calves look like an upside down penis.

  11. Jack Ketch

    And with freshly-plumped lips, and she said she’d never do that again. Sorry, but I just can’t stand this broad.

  12. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Commented on this photo:

    Still a Pig on stilts….

  13. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    ohonore
    Commented on this photo:

    Actually, she looks pretty good.

  14. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder if those shoes are screaming at inaudible levels of sound for humans.

    Like, if every dog within 50 feet would just start bleeding from its ears and keel over.

  15. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    NattyIce
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m sure after this Weight Watcher’s gig is over, she will be coming out with an endorsement for being a “WWE Diva”.

  16. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Erica
    Commented on this photo:

    She does look much better.

  17. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    mrsmass
    Commented on this photo:

    not sure how one can even walk in those shoes.

  18. I’d be all over her like fire on a match head!

  19. anon

    Looking pretty fine & out of all the babies born recently she still has had the biggest baby out there. She is right on track so way to go Jessica.. NO one should ever call this girl dumb. Far from it..

  20. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Anderson Pooper
    Commented on this photo:

    This will make a nice addition to the “before” pictures.

  21. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Mama Pinkus
    Commented on this photo:

    short women look RIDICULOUS in ankle straps – makes their already short legs look even stumpier – the frankenstein heels look ridiculous too

  22. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Smilin' Sergeant Death
    Commented on this photo:

    Jessica is attempting to fool people into thinking she’s skinny using camouflage technology…our boys back in WWII used a similar principle, with tanks and amphibious vehicles and such…but realistically, in this case there’s only so much that camouflage can hide…

  23. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    JANE
    Commented on this photo:

    HER LEGS ARE SO DISGUSTINGLY SHORT AND STUMPY I could seriously cry. ew ew ew ew.

  24. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Commented on this photo:

    She has legs that go on for inches! Stumps!

  25. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Rebecca
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t think she looks bad at all. I just think she is trying too hard. I am not a fan, but the comments are pretty rude..”her legs are so disgustingly short and stumpy I could cry”
    I mean come on. Really? That’s pathetic and mean. This picture is not the most flattering, but she’s far from disgusting and stumpy.

  26. it probably hasn’t been all diet and exercise. word is she has had lipo (lots of it)

  27. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Smilin' Sergeant Death
    Commented on this photo:

    Well I am a fan, and I was just trying to be funny. Seriously, that purse is ridiculous, and I don’t think it’s an accident that she’s using it like an eye-illusion shield in front of the paps. That having been said, this site is all about people being mean and catty. Jessica IS trying too hard, though. She’ll slim down a bit and everyone here will be drooling over her again soon enough.

  28. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Commented on this photo:

    No, that’s not the butt.. those shorts are not short enough to be showing it… that’s the tallest part of the leg.

  29. Gary Grant

    Wearing black and showing off a lot of leg. Yep, she’s hiding Carl’s Jr. in the bag.

  30. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    guttboy
    Commented on this photo:

    Are any of you bedding a Woman that is even close to being this attractive? I didn’t think so. She’s still a looker even with a few extra pounds.

  31. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Moo Cow Hunter
    Commented on this photo:

    I did not jerk off to this chick just five years ago. I did not jerk off to this chick just five years ago. Starts cutting himself again…

  32. CJ

    How is it when this Weight Watchers deal first started I saw pregnant Jessica standing next to her Daisy Duke movie role cutout saying that was her goal weight, now it’s just the baby weight? She was a little bit chubby (compared to her Dukes physique) before she even got pregnant. They are claiming she is at her goal weight of 130lbs? I call b.s.! She had a lot of weight to lose and there is nothing wrong with losing it a bit more slow if she’s doing it the healthy way but don’t lie to everybody then try to cover the obvious with giant purses and extreme shapewear.

  33. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    Jean Deaux
    Commented on this photo:

    nice gams

  34. Jessica Simpson Legs Short Shorts Heels
    DANA
    Commented on this photo:

    SHE LOOKS GREAT

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