‘Jessica Johnson.’ *SNORT*

Despite the fact 99.9% of my pallete is penis jokes, I completely missed the fact that Jessica Simpson will soon be Jessica “Johnson,” but apparently, she didn’t. Via Access Hollywood:

“… I love how confident he is and how he’s not fazed by this world and life that I’m living. He just remains the same and is really the foundation of our relationship. I can’t imagine my life without him in it.”
Simpson also mulled over the idea of taking John’s last name, but admitted that “Jessica Johnson” sounds a bit naughty. “It kind of sounds a little raunchy!” she said.

Wow. I’m honestly impressed with Jessica Simpson. She went from a loving tribute to the man marrying her for her money straight into a dick joke. It’s like we’re soul mates except one of us eats her emotions then farts them out at dinner guests. No, no, this can’t be right. Why, God, why would you do this?

And yet. *places hand on monitor* I’ve always known…

Photos: Splash News