Jessica Alba Can Starve Herself Now

In an interview with Lucky, Jessica Alba revealed that her plans for dropping the baby weight essentially involve starving herself and intense exercise. Well, that kid popped out two days ago, fatty, so let’s drop that Jell-O and give me twenty! Ain’t no jigglin’ in my house! Via Facebook:

Hi Everyone,
Hope you’re enjoying the weekend. Cash and I are so excited to announce the birth of our daughter, Haven Garner Warren. She was born on Saturday, weighed 7lbs, and was 19 inches long. Healthy and happy! Big Sister Honor couldn’t be more excited about the new addition to our family.
Thank you for all of your support during my pregnancy. It means the world to me.

In related news, Tina Fey also gave birth to a baby girl – Penelope Athena Richmond – which I’m only mentioning because I used my starving joke right out of the gate and am literally running out of shit to say about the 800 celebrities who gave birth this summer. Thankfully January Jones still has a bastard on the way because nothing writes its own jokes like a fatherless mystery baby. They’re an affront to God and hilarious. Seriously, more people should have them.

“What an adorable little boy. And where did he get those eyes from?”
“I dunno.”

Zing! POW!

Photo: Pacific Coast News