Jesse James & Kat Von D Broke Up

July 26th, 2011 // 85 Comments

Apparently it’s Shit Everyone Saw Coming a Mile Away Week because now Jesse James and Kat Von D have finally realized getting married is a monumentally stupid decision which is impressive for two people who consciously dress like they star in an off-Broadway production of Douchebag Bonnie & Clyde. E! News reports:

Kat broke the news tonight on Twitter, posting, “I am no longer w Jesse, and out of respect for him, his family and myself, thats all the info I’d like to share. Thanks for respecting that.”
The couple began dating in August 2010, shortly after the scandal broke of the 42-year-old James cheating on ex-wife Sandra Bullock.

Jesse James is blaming the split on the commute between Austin, where he lives with his kids, and Los Angeles, where Kat shoots her reality show, but I think we all know the real reason: He found a slutty Nazi witch coven that also makes bowler hats. “Why go out for milk when you’ve got the horny, Jew-hating Wiccan cows at home?” is how my grandfather put it. We cancelled his medical marijuana that day.

Photo: Flynet


  1. awe fuck i thought for sure they were meant to be. well for some disgusting reason i think id like to do her – hard, doggy style, slappin it good n hard- so.. just as well

  2. Sarah

    That’s a shame. I thought they were going to make it. TLC does such a good job of making human garbage seem like people worthy of any good in their lives.

  3. Please tell me they were both dumb enough to get ginormous tattoos of each other’s names on that one remaining clear patch of skin.

  4. Carrie

    Thank God. I live in Austin and the prospect of her possibly living her or (God forbid) moving her asinine show her had us contemplating firebombing this hippie wonderland. Dodged that bullet. Now, if we can only get rid of Blue October. . . .

  5. Mr. Sensitive

    Meanwhile, poor Sandra remains like a naughty girl on Christmas morning – stuck with a lump of coal.

    • if you mean her “less than white” adopted baby…well, you suck.

    • Are you kidding me? Bullock is probably thanking whatever gods exist that they never procreated. Your parents probably wish they could say the same.

    • PoorMaryKelly

      That’s not all she’s stuck with. Herpes, Hep C, Genital Warts,etc…….I bet she got a lot of gifts that she wished she never received. On the other hand, she’s not without fault here. It shouldn’t have taken a genius to figure out that a relationship with this dumbass was an epic mistake. Same goes for Kat and the next freak show that gets involved with Jesse on down the line.

    • Jkaren

      You are a worthless racist raisin testicle.

  6. Jesse James Kat Von D Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    Just face it she is too much women for him….

  7. the one

    so they’re not sleeping together any longer?
    (I’m talking like an naive american)

  8. LJ

    It was only a couple of weeks ago that he admitted that he has forgiven himself for cheating on Ms. Bullock, and has realised that the divorce was entirely her fault, so all the guilt for being a scumbag is gone.

    He can now start sticking his dick in anything that has a hole in it again, and doesn’t need Kat to bring him younger girls and keep it on the low down.

  9. JC

    “Please respect my privacy, but here’s a Tweet about my private business.” What a twatwaffle.

    • gotta love these “celebrities” who are famous ONLY for pouring their private lives over the public like so much clotted maple syrup at a rat infested diner…then when shit gets interesting, they’re begging for privacy.

      Fuck you “Kat”, this is the life you chose…now I wanna see the blood.

    • ZigZagZoey

      No shit! You want privacy now, but when we didn’t want to hear a fucking thing about you ever again you wouldn’t shut up…..

  10. Venom

    Fuck these two idiots, Taylor Momsen is 18 today, that is way more important.

    • awesome scoop if you can dig up the first nudes of her from today(!) :DD

    • Jkaren

      Dear dudeatdude-
      About the Lazy Girl pic-

      This is the only one with a semblance of your description and if this in fact it, my objections read as follows:

      A.) Can’t even tell is it’s her
      B.) By “meat flaps” do you mean a partially hanging out tampon, string included?
      C.) REALLY?? If so, fap away you sick, sick SOB.

    • Jkaren

      Ok, Fish will not let you post a link to this pic (because it’s appalling )but if you go to Lazy Girls and search Taylor Momsen it’s the fourth one over.

      Dear dudeatdude-

      This is the only one with a semblance of your description and if this in fact is it, my objections read as follows:

      A.) Can’t even tell is it’s her
      B.) By “meat flaps” do you mean a partially hanging out tampon, string included?
      C.) REALLY?? If so, fap away you sick, sick SOB.

  11. Frank Burns

    Jesse dodging responsibility for a breakup? Say it ain’t so! Hiding behind his kids as a reason provides a subtle slap at Sandra Bullock too – right up to his usual standards. Hope Kat is ready for him to say she’s lousy in bed. Stay next to your phone Bombshell McGee, your up next!

    • Jkaren

      To dudeatdude Taylor Momsen post-

      Fish will not let you post a link to the pic but it’s there, go to Lazy Girls and search Taylor Momsen and it’s the fourth one over.

      This is the only one with a semblance of your description and if this in fact it, my objections read as follows:

      A.) Can’t even tell is it’s her

      B.) By “meat flaps” do you mean a partially hanging out tampon, string included? Be honest with yourself; do you know what one looks like?

      C.) REALLY?? If so, fap away you sick, sick SOB.

  12. Cock Dr

    I was SO looking forward to the People magazine wedding cover.

  13. Ismoss

    There goes the Hitler youth movement,

  14. Shyt

    Did she get an ass implant? Her ass used to, literally, indent.

  15. josh

    How can you go from sandra bullock to marilyn manson?

  16. Jerry

    This chick is so brain dead.

    awww shit. just too funny.

  17. Jesse James Kat Von D Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    Was it the Mr. Men shoes?

  18. Jesse James nailed thi . . . oh, right.

  19. Vivian

    I can’t wait for the guys to say she was dumped because she wouldn’t blow him, or swallow, or give anal, or have a threesome. or let him pee on her, or let him watch while she has intercourse with a donkey please somebody, I dare you.

  20. Jack Ketch

    Shocker !! *gasp* I’d love to see a post where perhaps Sandra gets a chance to spit in his face … a great big looey !! but there’s far too much class there for that to happen. So now that these two dirtbags have parted ways, there should be no more press, right ? Unless … oh, never mind *barfs* …

  21. Jesse James Kat Von D Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    She never looks too clean to begin with…imagine the smell that’s going to permeate the room when she breaks the seal on those rubber pants after a day in the California sun.

  22. Freaky

    Her man-voice turns me off — it would be like making love to Joseph Goebbels. Ech.

  23. farting old man's wife

    Today is Sandra Bullock’s Birthday!!! KARMA!! The best gift ever!!!

  24. cutler tiny cock

    were they engaged?

  25. I know

    I hope that piece of Nazi shit ends up alone for the rest of his life. Fucker.

  26. Jesse James Kat Von D Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    Why did she change pants? Did the rubber pants chafe her penis…I mean vagina……no I mean penis.

  27. Donald Trump

    Jesse is a no good, low life, scum bag. He’s a piece of trash just like his father before him.

    The apple don’t fall far Jesse.

    Don’t worry though – apparently God does make trash and you’ll find another Kat very soon.

  28. Donald Trump

    Jesus H – I’m not even certain Kat was born a woman! I would bet a cool Mill that there used to be a penis attached!

  29. cc

    Mmmm, formfitting black leather pants in that heat…I guess Kat isn’t anticipating receiving any oral gratification.

  30. WTF

    But wait, how do their two dicks go into each other? Gay love is confusing to me. Does one open up like a Predator !?

  31. Jesse James Kat Von D Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    (to the tune of here comes the bride)
    Here comes the Bride
    all adorned in Nazi pride…

  32. watson

    On my god! This is worse than the time Nick and Jessica broke up.

  33. Jesse James Kat Von D Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesse James brought Michael Jackson back to life?!

  34. Jesse James Kat Von D Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    relationships borne out of infidelity always end quickly.. The excitement just isnt there when they’re suddenly free to be together.. jesse james is a douchbag and Kat’s outfit is hideous minus her bag

  35. Carolyn

    What was Sandra thinking?

  36. Curious Troll

    These two sure know how to class it up!

  37. Angus

    Meh…this stupid bitch gets engaged to a different guy during her tv show. She’s just gearing up for the next season.

  38. Glassman

    The truly interesting part of this narrative is trying to figure out how Sandra Bullock got into a lineup of Janine Lindemulder, Kat Von D and that Michelle Bombsell whatever her name was. It’s like that Sesame Street thing: “One of These Things is Not Like the Other.” Or is she?

  39. Michael Jackson LIVES!


    For some reason I get the feeling he woke up one day next to her and thought “SWEET BABY HITLER! I’M BANGIN’ MICHEAL JACKSON!” and thats why they broke up.

  41. Jesse James Kat Von D Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    michael jackson??

  42. Sam

    she looks a lot like michael jackson in this picture

  43. Kerrie

    What is this news?! O_O I’m completely shocked…. no wait, nevermind…. completely not shocked.

  44. Kerrie

    Also, I love Sandra so this is pretty sweet. I have a feeling Sandra will always get the last laugh. He’s a real douchebag.

  45. Jkaren

    And what’s so wrong with sexy Nazi witch covens anyway? (That shit had me rolling, you’re good Fish..damn good).

  46. kimmykimkim

    I think this break up was totally for publicity because I completely forgot they were together in the first place. Now that they’ve reminded us that they exist, they’ll probably get right back together. It’s what fuck-ups do. They live for that shit.

  47. JLOSPO

    I think it’s a ruse so that they can get married without the paparazzi catching wind…

  48. fee_dodo

    I knew this would happen! I predicted this breakup back in May on predictions portal PREDiXi (

  49. Chivon

    Boo whoooo….

    Sandra bullock……Rocks!

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