Happy 4th Of July!

What’s up, everybody? A long time ago, in an America far, far away, we told the British, “Hey, eat a dick, we’ll handle stealing this land from the Indians from now on.” Also, we really wanted to brush our teeth. “But not too much,” said the South. From there, the French totally bailed us out which we later repaid by calling them “surrender monkeys” and forcing their sexiest of men to star in a Highlander TV show. Or so the legend goes. And so, because of all that stuff I just said, The Superficial will be off today to celebrate America’s independence from the evils of socialized medicine and advanced thought. USA!

- The Superficial

P.S. That The Amazing Spider-Man review is on its way. Funny story, last night on Storage Wars, Brandi bought these ATVs that didn’t even work even though Jarrod was like, “Bitch, you crazy?!” How do you not go down that rabbit hole? My hands were tied. (I drank and fell asleep on the couch.)

Photos: Splash News