We’re Starting To Notice Your Face, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Evasive Action!

May 10th, 2012 // 15 Comments
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Based on what the Internet tells me in the most sensationalistic manner possible (Never change.), Jennifer Love Hewitt currently stars in a show that’s main plotline is she jerks everybody off. Which I’m not criticizing because I don’t think enough women understand how important an impromptu handjob is to not making men think about how much more sex they had with their ex while they’re driving you to the mall again, but enough about my motivational seminars at the Holiday Inn. Anyway, considering her show is the Jennifer Love Whack Off Hour, you’d assume she’d show a little more cleavage at last night’s A&E Upfronts, yet here she is wearing a dress that makes her right breast look like it’s dying and even more seriously causes my eyes to drift upward to her face. That’s not how you unload the three rings, Jennifer Love Hewitt, which I’m only telling you because I care about you getting married so much. Haha, pageview. What’s a pageview? Silly spinster.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN


  1. mrsmass

    good to see she’s invested in some compression pantyhose though.

  2. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage A&E Upfront Event
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    Jennifer looks great!

  3. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage A&E Upfront Event
    Commented on this photo:

    Jennifer Love Hewitt went on the Wendy Williams Show and begged Victoria Secret to let her be an Angel… It’s only a matter of time before Adam Levine wakes up tied to his bed posts with her jerking him off

  4. dooood

    Don’t tell me it’s not worth fightin’ for
    I can’t help it, there’s nothin’ I want more
    You know it’s true
    Everything I do, I do it for you, oh yeah

    There’s no love, like your love
    And no other could give more love
    There’s nowhere, unless you’re there
    All the time, all the way yeah!!

  5. I saw “I know what you did last summer” the other day and forgot that she actually wasn’t that good looking back then. She looks better now but still bat shit crazy.

  6. So wait, this show about JLH invading guys’ pants with her five-finger army is a real thing? I’d look it up myself, but I don’t need two visits from HR in the same week.

    • It’s a real thing, but I don’t think you can get it up in Canada (that’s where you are, right?).

      USA! USA! USA! Breasts and handies!

      • Correct! Once again, your near-pathological attention to detail serves you well. We actually don’t do too badly here up north for US cable networks – HBO, Showtime, whatever – but I don’t think we get Lifetime. Meh, it’ll probably get picked up by some other network eventually.

  7. Hugh Evers

    If you follow the narrative of the author the opinion offered relates to her lack of boob exposure. I would also agree with this thesis and add that her publicist should always encourage her to display the main feature in public.

  8. I don’t agree with handjobs. I have hands and they’re very aquainted with my dick. Mouth love at the least or GTFO.

  9. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage A&E Upfront Event
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    She is so hot…

  10. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage A&E Upfront Event
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    ABSOLUTELY STUNNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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