Jennifer Love Hewitt Got Dumped Again

November 22nd, 2011 // 66 Comments

Oh, good, Pinkberry. That’ll break the cycle.

Jennifer Love Hewitt drowns her emotions in ice cream and carries around three preselected engagement rings so you don’t propose to her the wrong way, so finding out she got dumped by another boyfriend leaves me nothing short of baffled. She’s exactly what men want in a woman! In Touch reports:

Jennifer Love Hewitt might just be the most unlucky-in-love Hollywood starlet! Her latest boyfriend, 27-year-old actor Jarod Einsohn, has broken up with her — via text message, a source tells In Touch exclusively.

Oh, Christ, he broke up with her over text? Is she really that bad to be around because, seriously, what’s the worst that could happen if he did it in person? She takes off her top and tries to bang him back into a relationship? Or, okay, say she tries to knife you in the chest like all those corpses wearing groomsmen tuxes in the basement? It’s not like Jennifer Love Hewitt is the fast sprinter type. Then again, perhaps a fear of dying alone grants her superhuman speed, so probably best to leave the country. Now. Today. I’ll distract her with banana splits. BACK, WOMAN! I’ve got hot fudge.

Photos: AKMImages, Fame


  1. Cardinal Fang

    It’s because she won’t titty fuck!

    • Hugh Gentry

      or doesn’t suck cock. I hate those chicks.

      • Adam

        I love her, she is the hottesting thing since sliced bread and modeldatingagency was a brilliant show.

      • Artofwar

        ….Look let’s just get right down to the shit. This bitch was dumped by Jamie Kennedy—not Leonardo DiCaprio, not Johnny Depp, not George Clooney, not Brad Pitt, but by JAMIE FUCKING KENNEDY.

        This Satin’s spawn must secretly be into human sacrifice, or she insists on freshly and thinly sliced human baby feet for breakfast.

        When you’re kicked to the curb by Jamie Kennedy, something must be apocalyptically fucked-up with Miss Love.

        I’m not talking about the average to be expected fucked-up female fuckery that every heterosexual man knows and hates but is forced to put up with for the pussy—-I’m talking about above and beyond the call of duty type female bat-shit fuckery.

        JAMIE FUCKING KENNEDY—Fucking Unbelievable…..Artofwar

      • TumTum

        Me too! Selfish bitches!

    • EricLr

      That girl is so high maintenance she probably won’t even look at a penis until you buy her a mansion.

  2. i seem to have forgotten why she is supposedly famous? can some one tell me? my neighbor is better piece of ass then this…

    • Uh, she’s famous because she’s been acting for the past 15+ years and been on multiple TV shows and in many movies. She’s famous because she’s supposed to be famous, unlike current whores like Kim and Paris. It has nothing to do with her looks.

  3. lani3000

    I’d still hit it.

  4. Hugh Gentry

    chick is a fatass trainwreck. perfect for me!!

  5. Deacon Jones

    I think if you posted the picture of her huge ass in the bikini it would really put things into perspective here….

  6. Walt's Boner

    She needs to stop dating people in the industry she is in and start dating people in the fast food and ice cream industry. They’ll stick to her ribs like those McRibs she puts down.

    • EmmaWatson's Vagina

      um no. I worked in fast food years ago. Trust me she would get the same treatment or worse from them

  7. I read that too quickly. I thought the headline said Jennifer Love Hewitt Took A Dump Again and I thought, shit, this chick is really desperate for attention. And ice cream.

  8. I bet she’d take a marriage proposal via text so she has to be willing to accept the exact opposite via text.

  9. karen

    Billy Crystal?

  10. Cock Dr

    This chick isn’t bad looking (especially in a bandage dress) and must have a ton of “Friends” cash….she must really be a head case if she can’t find some handsome unemployed actor type to accept that ring challenge.

    • Mr Obvious

      You got your Jennifers mixed up. She’s from “Party of 5″ and I guess a few movies, I remember something with her boobs bouncing in a cemetery. The Jennifer from “Friends” is Jennifer Aniston. Same shit different Jennifer. I would do them both.

  11. Dr. Otto VanderWahl

    Cottage Cheese

  12. Bonky

    All joking aside, I am dying to find out why so many guys dump her. She’s pretty hot when she wants to be, she is quite famous, has alot of money, people seem to really like her and people say she is a really nice person.

    So what the f-ck is she doing that makes men run from her after a couple months of dating ?

    • Richard McBeef

      She’s a ring-wraith, a dark rider, a servant of sauron. It’s a turn off for most men.

      • Cock Dr

        You’d think the men would notice these things right from the get go.
        Does bouncy cleavage so befuddle them that they would hump a ring-wraith for a few weeks before figuring out that something just ain’t quite right about the new girlfriend?

    • Jam

      I know right? Let me now if you ever find out

      • Richard McBeef

        Bouncy cleavage can be quite befud.. befuddl… what the fuck we talking about again?

      • Forget about shiny objects, bouncy cleavage does it to me every time!

      • TomFrank

        Technically, Pinkberry is frozen yogurt, not ice cream.

      • TomFrank

        I don’t know why this comment ended up in this thread. Actually, I do. I was going to reply to something here, changed my mind, and reloaded…because under the new format, THERE’S NO CANCEL FUNCTION to put the comment box back to the bottom. And apparently, even if you reload the page and the comment box appears on the bottom, you still end up in the original thread.

        Why did we lose the cancel function, Fish? *grabs you by the lapels* Why?

    • Eugene

      Her cooz must smell like a wet yeti hiding in the cargo hold of a Russian fishing trawler.

    • guile

      A what? What does that mean? Did you guys watch too much lord of the rings? So, in plain english, what is the problem with her?

  13. Jennifer Love Hewitt No Makeup Pinkberry
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought for sure the back of her sweatshirt was gonna read “MEEEEEEE!” in all desperates.

  14. dontkillthemessenger

    At least Halle Berry gets them to marry her before she drives them away with craziness. Is it possible the craziness is something like “no sex for the first 6-8 months”?

    • EmmaWatson's Vagina

      that’s probably it. or no sex for long periods of time. with Halle Berry it was like that plus getting other hot chicks being thrown in your face that are willing to do you.

  15. MoozBoy

    I’d stick with her no matter what. Jenn, I’ll marry ya!

  16. The Everlasting Know-it-all

    I still love ya, Jen!

  17. The Royal Penis

    Her snatch must have teeth or something.

  18. Jennifer ‘Loveless’ Hewitt

  19. Pale as a ghost, no make up, crazy, and looks like shit. Yet I would still fuck her.

  20. Don’t you love when you read stories about female celebrities breaking up, and the comments sections are filled with men who apparently think said celeb wrote the article?

    “Sorry to hear that Jen! Call me if you need to talk to someone. I will be there for you!”

    *stares at phone*

  21. Jennifer Love Hewitt No Makeup Pinkberry
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey…This is regular vanilla. I wanted vanilla twist!”

  22. Pippy Longcockings

    Breaking up with someone via text is pretty fucking cold, even if it IS JLH.

  23. Jennifer Love Hewitt No Makeup Pinkberry
    Jackie Chan
    Commented on this photo:

    I never notice people taking pictures of me while I get into my car while carrying a sundae.

  24. Why is she holding Bieber’s DNA in a cup may I ask?

  25. Jimbo

    All I got from this is: Jennifer Love Hewitt is into dating younger, unknown actors. Here I come Jen, get ready to get dumped by me.

  26. Jake

    Folks, what’s the mystery? Never marry a girl with a fat ass. It will only get larger day by day, until you come home one day and realize Gilbert Grape’s mom is on your sofa.

  27. cc

    I guess it IS possible to get bored with titplay.

  28. Someone Else

    Who left ET in the black car? Does Pinkberry sell a Coors flavored yogurt with Reece’s Pieces for a topping ?

  29. Terry

    That bitch is crazy. She really thinks she can control the whole relationship so “she” won’t get hurt. Psychiatrist are laughing so hard at her that their Ph.Ds are falling of the wall.
    She needs to go and find herself a fat, middle aged bulldagger with a degree that teaches at some obscure ass private liberal arts school.
    The two could settle down with matching flannel shirts and dungarees.
    That would so nice. Ahhh! They could even drain each other’s abscesses formed by ingrown pubic hair.
    Man! I’m a straight black dude and I’m already getting hot just thinking about the shit I just wrote.

  30. Jennifer Love Hewitt No Makeup Pinkberry
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh so this is the double they used in Breaking Dawn for the sickly looking Bella!

  31. Elle

    The good news is, if she ever forgets her middle name it’s right there…on her shirt.

  32. Jennifer Love Hewitt No Makeup Pinkberry
    Commented on this photo:

    “You love me, don’t you bowl of ice cream? I love you!!!”

  33. Jennifer Love Hewitt No Makeup Pinkberry
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh!!! You’re still with me, ice cream. You’ve lasted longer than any of my old boyfriends did. That means you DO love me!!! Marry me!!!”

  34. TumTum

    Hey JLH! Call me! I’ll treat you right, sweetheart! ;)

  35. Jennifer Love Hewitt No Makeup Pinkberry
    Commented on this photo:

    This looks like a sequence
    Black guy: “Oooh that white girl has a big ass! Wait, that Jennifer Love Hewitt. I better escape now.”
    Jennifer: “Was somebody looking at me? Hey! Hi, wanna come over? No? At least I have ice cream…”

  36. slank

    Look at that fat, funky arse… It’s not Jarod Einsohn’s fault he’s got a 4 inch dick, which barely gets past those cheeks let alone penetrating any snatch. I agree that she’d be a controlling bitch, I think the writings on the wall isn’t it.

  37. Jennifer Love Hewitt No Makeup Pinkberry
    Commented on this photo:

    You love me, don’t you? DON’T YOU!!

  38. Captain Slappy

    There are very few people on this planet I would NEVER fuck with when they got angry (for whatever reason…or non-reason). That gal there is one of them. Gentlemen, that is why God made the back of your hand in order to fix her, and why he also made Cast-Iron Skillets…so she could hog the bacon grease after cooking a decent meal…then beat the fuck out of you with it later. Score 9,000- JLHewitt.

  39. I_Just_Farted

    I think she’s sexy, I’d give her a “Coney Bun” or “Homie slide” that fat ass is perfect for lubing up those ass cheeks and humping her ass crack. One can only hope those sexy wide hips and huge bubble but expand a little more (shudders)….. kinky!

  40. That chick has weird feet so I’m not exactly sympathetic no matter how many bandage dresses she wears.

  41. Kimbo

    Remember, no matter how hot she is there’s another man out there tired of her bullshit!

  42. Jennifer Love Hewitt No Makeup Pinkberry
    Commented on this photo:


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