Jennifer Aniston Was in a Bikini

While Jessica Simpson and Kanye West continued to embarrass themselves in front of millions, Jennifer Aniston escaped to Los Cabos where she spent Thanksgiving with a bikini-clad Chelsea Handler, who you’ll notice I conveniently didn’t mention in the headline. I’m in the business of attracting people to this site, not sending them screaming into the night, cursing their own eyesight. (For the most part.) So, on that note, let’s focus on how perpetually rock hard Jennifer Aniston’s nipples thanks are because she’s frozen inside, and then ask herself why she doesn’t use them to commit complicated jewel heists. “Bullet-proof glass, you say? Allow me. *circular motion, circular motion, circular motion* Like taking candy from a baby… And not because I stabbed one with my nipple! Entirely unrelated. In fact, forget I spoke.”

Photos: Flynet, Splash News