Obama Sent Jay-Z To Cuba To Steal Our White Women

April 12th, 2013 // 36 Comments
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Despite thousands of Americans visiting Cuba every year, Republicans got their panties in a bunch this week when Jay-Z and Beyonce vacationed in Havana. A situation that didn’t get any better when Jay-Z decided to release a track called “Open Letter” where he says Barack Obama gave him clearance forcing the White House to make it clear they had no idea the two were going, and thanks for dragging them into this. Politico reports:

“I guess nothing rhymes with Treasury,” Carney said during his daily briefing Thursday.
As he said earlier in the week, Carney again said that the Treasury Department was responsible for approving the trip and said that “from the president on down,” no one at the White House was involved in approving the trip.
In a rap released Thursday, Jay-Z said: “I turned Havana into Atlanta…Boy from the hood, I got White House clearance…Obama said, ‘Chill, you gonna get me impeached. You don’t need this s—t anyway, chill with me on the beach.’”
When pressed on whether Obama spoke with Jay-Z about Cuba at all, Carney insisted he did not.
“It’s a song,” he said. “The president did not communicate with Jay-Z over this trip.”

“In fact, the president and Jay-Z have not spoken in some time,” Carney added, making it clear the president ceased communications after coming across a YouTube video of Beyonce’s pregnant stomach that “deeply troubled him.”
“The president’s certainly not a doctor,” Carney said, “but he has seen a woman who’s pregnant before. With a real baby. [Gently places microphone on the ground.] I was supposed to drop that but thought it might break. Forgive me, Mr. President.”

Photo: Getty


  1. Matt Lauer

    I admit I’m tempted, Jay-Z but I’m not going to smell your fingers (this time).

  2. Ayn Rand (taking a break from sucking Satan's cock... as you do)

    Republicans iz cwazy? Who knew?

  3. JC

    So even though the Cold War is long over, flipping out over Cuba is still a thing, huh?

  4. Saw this on “The Five” last night while I was at the gym. It’s a complete non-story, but have ya’ll ever watched that show? It’s like a “How-to” for logical fallacies.

  5. alex

    This really reminds me of the time George Bush was chilling out with Snoop Dog and The Dog Pound at Camp David.

  6. In contradiction to what the rap song claimed, Obama did not communicate with Jay-Z about his trip to Cuba.

    In other news, the thrift shop is not fucking awesome, and nobody actually let the dogs out.

  7. Cock Dr

    Love blog post headlines that make no damn sense.

  8. Deacon Jones

    Strom Thurmond is rolling in his fucking grave right about now…

  9. Tiggles

    I thought Jay-Z went to Cuba to find the last few people in this hemisphere who still listen to his music.

    • Nonnie Moose

      And was disappointed to find out that they had all been deported to Somalia several years before as subversives.

  10. D-chi

    The reason other Cubans and I were upset was because it seems like they’re just disregarding the human rights violations in Cuba and just giving more money to the government. Yes, other people vacay to Cuba every year, but when it’s a prominent figure, you’d at least hope they’d make some sort of comment, I dunno, denouncing the oppression of our people. Then again, people visit China all the time, so what do I know?

    • I thought you were upset because of the butt lube shortage in Miami.

    • My opinion on oppression is that if people are truly having it bad, they should at least rise up and try to fight back. They always have sheer numbers on their side. If you don’t at least try to fight, then it leads me to believe it is really not that bad for you.

      If there is one thing I have learned about this country is that if someone does not agree with them or vice versa, they will spin shit and make it seem like a place is the worst place in the world to live whether it is true or not or just partially true. Does not help when we intentionally sabotage other countries to make them worse off then they would otherwise be either.

  11. Mitch

    Face, we have a gangsta president who hangs out with gangsta rappers. Large crowds of “students” rioting in shopping malls and engaging in wholesale violence, absent fathers and bastard kids is the new normal.

    This is the new world order and you had better get used to it.

  12. Visit, do business with Germany, Italy and Japan that conspired to kill half the world, no problem.

    Visit, do business with and allow to buy up half our real estate and businesses, Communist China and Russian, no problem.

    Buy 90% of our goods and move our businesses over to Communist China, not a problem.

    Visit the small poor island of Cuba where the most technologically advanced thing they have is a 1950′s Cadillac. EVIL, BAD, NO GOOD.

    This country is so hypocritical and full of shit it is not funny. If people want to go to Cuba who the hell cares.

    Land of the free, right….

    • He ain’t wrong.

    • Don’t forget North Korea. They’re in the Axis of Evil, they’re threatening us with nukes again, but Dennis Rodman didn’t need special governmental clearance to travel there. (Except of course, permission from North Korea to enter.)

      The human rights situation in North Korea is demonstrably worse than it is in Cuba, yet there is no American law prohibiting travel to North Korea. Only Cuba. So all the “we have to ban travel there because of their human rights abuses” is bullshit. If we enacted travel bans on every country with Cuba’s human rights record, the world map would be a patchwork of off-limits countries.

      Oh, and, “we need to maintain our embargo to get Cuba to give up Communism”? It’s been 50 years—how’s that worked out so far?

  13. Goose

    Rules are for the little people, you fucking proles. When will you get it through your fucking heads? Your superiors can do things that you aren’t allowed to do. Or do you not understand the point of socialism?

  14. Joe Blow

    My only issue with the whole thing is that we couldn’t get Cuba to keep them.

  15. Cigar Baron

    Dear Jay-Z,
    “After you have smoked the cigar for a few minutes, you should remove the label. The heat should loosen the band to make it easier to remove. The reason it is good etiquette is because a gentleman should not flaunt his wealth, or his cigars. If you are smoking a particularly good stogie there is no need to flash that Opus X label around. It’s akin to wearing a lot of bling or praising yourself for some generous deed that you have done. No one likes a braggart. Getting to kick back and enjoy a fine smoke is what it’s all about.”

  16. Hank E. Ring

    Pleasure me rhymes pretty well with treasury.

  17. So what is he went to Cuba,
    The white Cubans didn’t mind enslaving blacks and killing the original island population back in the day. So fuck them.
    And as for supporting a commie regime, look no further than China bitches. Your under ware collecting shit stains are made in China, most of all the shit in wal mart, target etc is made in China, we borrow 10 billion a month from China and China holds 25% of our national debt.
    LOL! Cuba is a former slave and genocide island.
    If the people want freedom let them have a revolution.

  18. If only Obama and Jay were Tupac and Biggie. Then they’d both be fucking dead and I wouldn’t have to look at their mutt faces every 38 seconds.

  19. DeeRock

    I’ve met more Cubans in NYC, than I could ever imagine meeting even ONE white woman in Cuba, unless she was ALSO on vacation, which btw, tourists do ALL THE TIME. I’m from the Bahamas, and that’s generally where you’re able to skip from USA, thru Bahamas, straight to Cuba….and last time I was in Nassau, I brought back a SUITCASE full of cuban cigars, which are 100 percent legal to purchase and transport, back to Amrika….PS…if it was Gwyneth, or Madonna, or Angelina, not one mothafucka would have a GotDamn word to say……

  20. noone

    Jay Z and Beyonce are ignorant douche bags.

  21. RichPort

    Obama’s verse will debut on the remix…

  22. In his Rap song he says ..I try to make Cuba into Atlanta. Really? That Shit bag City in Georgia?

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