Jason London Shit In A Cop Car

January 30th, 2013 // 52 Comments
Jason London
Poopy!
Al Roker
You Kids And Your Poop, God Love Ya Read More »

If Al Roker‘s taught me anything it’s that you never, ever treat Heidi and Spencer with a modicum of respect and that the Internet loves poopy. Can’t get enough of it. Which brings us to Jason London – not to be confused with his twin Jeremy “Muggers Made Me Do All The Drugs I Like” London – who after being arrested for drunkenly punching a bouncer at an Arizona bar and attacking paramedics decided to take a shit in the back seat of a cop car to prove how awesome his life is. TMZ reports:

On his way to the police station … Jason uttered a homophobic slur to the cops … saying, “Guess what faggot? I fucking love this. I fucking own you guys so hard. I’m rich and I’m a motherfucking famous actor! Fucking look me up, bitch.”
Jason continued … “It smells like shit in your car and your breath smells like diarrhea.” According to the police report, Jason then leaned to the left and crapped in his pants. Jason then said, “I told you I’m happy as shit.”
The next day, cops say they spoke with Jason’s wife Sofia who told them … “I know he’s an asshole when he drinks.”

Naturally, Jason’s version of the story conveniently involves three large dudes outnumbering him for being devilishly attractive and not a single mention of revenge-shitting in the back of a squad car which I’d put on my goddamn business cards but to each his own:

- Guys, the TMZ report is a total fucking lie. I got jumped by three 250 pound bouncers. They knocked me out and beat me for several minutes.
- I would never say or do the crap they are reporting. Have faith in me. The truth will come out and you will see.
- Some guy thought I was hitting on his girl and had me jumped. My wife was in the next room, had no idea what even happened. I hate Arizona

When reached for comment, the Scottsdale PD said, “Oh, shit, one of the voices from LEGO’s Hero Factory is telling people on Twitter we make up stories about handsome actors shitting their pants to get them back for flirting with bouncer’s girlfriends? He’s on to our whole operation! Shut it down! Shut down the whole police department! Why, God, why?! We were so careful!”

Photo: Splash News

superficial

  1. Oh my god this is the other brother? There’s no way that amount of crazy should be allowed in multiple family members.

  2. Mitch Haase

    Who the fuck is Jason London?

  3. Best. Mug. Shot. Ever.

  4. Don’t know who he is nor care but he certainly looks owned like “Yo Bitch come here or I’ll fuck u up again?”
    Oh nice stars on your glasses Biaaaatch!

  5. He was only famous for five minutes in the 90s, in a film called Man in the Moon, where he Fs Reese Witherspoon and then gets run over by a tractor.

  6. sedona

    LMAO i love this guy.

  7. Tom

    That’s the nastiest case of eczema I’ve ever seen.

  8. I had no idea there were two of these fuckers and they were twins until today and they are both crazy.

  9. “revenge shitting”

  10. JC

    Maybe I’m just too much of a clean freak, but my brain has never allowed “I’m totally going to shit myself!” as a valid thought, even at my drunkest.

  11. Mike

    Brother of Jeremy London you’ve seen one or both of them in a bunch of stuff you just can never tell which is which.

  12. He and his brother can forget about riding that Doublemint endorsement back into the limelight.

  13. Deacon Jones

    This is the face I made when I simultaneously came and farted during a blowjob I got in high school.

  14. sexyman48

    He seems fun.

  15. Dick Hell

    People who are assholes ‘when they drink’ are assholes all the time, they just hide it better when they’re sober.

    • Mostly right. I got progressively more assholish as i drank throughout my life. I quit about 6 years ago and am in no way as big an asshole as I used to be!
      I might think an asshole though now, but never make a comment. It sucks i cant drink though, man sometimes a couple of beers sound great, but I know better now.

      PS I was NEVER this big an asshole! More like smart-ass shit

  16. ah. the old “i’ll demonstate my superiority by shitting in my own pants.” trick.

  17. It may seem pedantic, but he didn’t shit in a cop car…he shit his pants while IN a cop car. No fuck that, it’s not pedantic, it’s a very significant difference. You don’t walk into a bathroom and shit your pants, and then say “I just took a shit in the bathroom”, you say “I just shit in my pants”.

    also, according to celebritynetworth.com, he is worth $500,000…rich? I dont’ think so…well, unless Obama is coming for your tax money, then he’s rolling in it.

  18. I like to think he didn’t have those bruises before he started talking shit to the cops and crapping in their car…

    Yeah, I know, they are professionals, but can you honestly say you wouldn’t knock this douche around if he did that to you?

  19. So he wakes up in his own filth, alone in a cell. He staggers to a mirror, and sees his face.

    I’d be interested to know if he sees this as a low point.

  20. That face looks like the “before” picture in a Proactiv commercial.

  21. Tom Cruise's Magical Penis

    When did Randall “Pink” Floyd turn into Drunken Bill Hader?

  22. “You gotta do what Randall Pink Floyd wants to do man.”

  23. I don’t want to go racial since this little comedy has nothing to do with race, but Katt “Crazier Than a Bag of Rabid Cats” Williams did list this as one of the reasons why white people need to have “black” friends (not his exact word but hey). We know what happens when you act out with the cops or bouncers and from the looks of that mugshot, he didn’t.

  24. cornio

    I like this response.

  25. Someone in the bar spilled an ashtray, and the bouncers used this guy’s face to sweep it up.

  26. 1) Entitled white people love to scream “I’m going to have your job.”
    2) Cops will make inmates clean out the car.
    3) Or they just park the car and assign it to a rookie, then hide and watch his reaction when he gets into it.

  27. The bar he was in is a pretty upscale joint, the Martini Ranch, near where Frank The D works and I can assure you that the staff in that sort of place does not pummel douchbags like this for no reason. To be beaten like this is the only thing this guy will be known for – that and a morbid fascination with his own poop-a-roono. Hope he enjoys his time in tent city when he returns for his trial as Scottsdale doesn’t jail people long term.

  28. anonym

    +1UP for shitting in the back seat.

    hahah. That’s probably the best thing Jason has ever done in his miserable life and career.

    Also, when your ass smells like shit, jail mates don’t wanna fuck you. That’s smart.

  29. SMB

    …have never laughed so hard, or so often, at a comments section before …the combination of ass-kicking and pants-shitting really brings out everyone’s creative side.

  30. “Jason then leaned to the left and crapped in his pants. Jason then said, “I told you I’m happy as shit.”

    Damn that’s some hardcore crazy right there.

  31. TaT

    Wow, and I thought the other one was batshit.

  32. Sam

    HAHAHA… revenge shitting…

  33. harry potter days off

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