Jason London Shit In A Cop Car

If Al Roker’s taught me anything it’s that you never, ever treat Heidi and Spencer with a modicum of respect and that the Internet loves poopy. Can’t get enough of it. Which brings us to Jason London – not to be confused with his twin Jeremy “Muggers Made Me Do All The Drugs I Like” London – who after being arrested for drunkenly punching a bouncer at an Arizona bar and attacking paramedics decided to take a shit in the back seat of a cop car to prove how awesome his life is. TMZ reports:

On his way to the police station … Jason uttered a homophobic slur to the cops … saying, “Guess what faggot? I fucking love this. I fucking own you guys so hard. I’m rich and I’m a motherfucking famous actor! Fucking look me up, bitch.”
Jason continued … “It smells like shit in your car and your breath smells like diarrhea.” According to the police report, Jason then leaned to the left and crapped in his pants. Jason then said, “I told you I’m happy as shit.”
The next day, cops say they spoke with Jason’s wife Sofia who told them … “I know he’s an asshole when he drinks.”

Naturally, Jason’s version of the story conveniently involves three large dudes outnumbering him for being devilishly attractive and not a single mention of revenge-shitting in the back of a squad car which I’d put on my goddamn business cards but to each his own:

- Guys, the TMZ report is a total fucking lie. I got jumped by three 250 pound bouncers. They knocked me out and beat me for several minutes.
– I would never say or do the crap they are reporting. Have faith in me. The truth will come out and you will see.
– Some guy thought I was hitting on his girl and had me jumped. My wife was in the next room, had no idea what even happened. I hate Arizona

When reached for comment, the Scottsdale PD said, “Oh, shit, one of the voices from LEGO’s Hero Factory is telling people on Twitter we make up stories about handsome actors shitting their pants to get them back for flirting with bouncer’s girlfriends? He’s on to our whole operation! Shut it down! Shut down the whole police department! Why, God, why?! We were so careful!”

Photo: Splash News