The Third Boob Is A Lie

Like anyone who’s seen Total Recall and a boob, I was captivated by the tale of Jasmine Tridevil, the Florida (natch) woman who allegedly gave herself a third breast in hopes of landing a reality show because the Kardashians are a cancer. Except I have terrible news about this bold new future we’ve finally arrived in. It’s a house of lies. Via Jezebel:

Tridevil lifted her shirt up for all of two seconds, revealing the middle breast—which by the way, doesn’t look like human skin in that light—and not revealing the point at which the purported boob is attached. When the investigative action news reporter asked if she could ” hold it up a little longer so we can get a better shot of it,” she stated that she didn’t feel comfortable with it just yet.

On top of that, The Daily Dot spoke to a plastic surgeon who pointed out that nobody in the field would risk losing their job installing a third tit, but on the off-chance they did, there’s no way in hell it’d look like like a deformed tiny tit between two real ones:

“This technique would create a tight, round breast in the center of the chest,” he said. “Also, all three breasts will likely be connected because it would be impossible to create and maintain separation between all three round structures. The photos show a soft, pendulous breast that is clearly separate from the right and left breast. She essentially has a hanging breast, and it is just not reflective of what we would be able to expect from this reconstruction procedure.”

In related news, millions of men across the Internet are slowly coming to terms with the fact that they’d probably have sex with a woman wearing a fake third tit and wondering what’s wrong with their wives and/or girlfriends for not even putting it on the table. Is it because of the curtains? It’s because of the curtains. Goddammit.

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