January Jones Sounds Awesome To Interview

May 21st, 2013 // 30 Comments

[Insert Zuul joke here.]

January Jones recently sat down for an interview with The New York Times where naturally she comes off bitchier than an ice storm made of bitch and ice, but she also surprisingly – albeit inadvertently – reveals the deep commentary Mad Men is making on how the American family has became an almost empty experience that we’re constantly trying to fill with material possessions and/or heightened interpersonal drama. But enough fancy words, she also says thing about who squirted in her hoo-ha making a spite baby.

The Superficial: Intellectual. Enlightened. Penis in Vagina.

January Jones, Her Own Feminine Mystique

It isn’t easy to coax a smile out of January Jones. Perched on a velveteen banquette at the NoMad hotel in the Flatiron district recently, Ms. Jones didn’t engage in the dithery banter that in Hollywood passes for charm.
What she offered instead was a credible impersonation of Betty Draper Francis, the sweet and sullen character she plays in “Mad Men,” the role that has turned her into an emblem of glamour as wintry as her name.

This is off to a good start.

Though Betty has appeared only occasionally on “Mad Men” this season, she remains arguably the series’ most polarizing figure. Some see her as a victim, deserving of empathy; others as a dolled-up variation on an American archetype, the uptight suburban matron.
“That was the fear for me,” Ms. Jones said, “that we’d be in the third season, and you’d hate the character.”

We do.

Ms. Jones regards Betty with compassion. “She is really searching for something, but doesn’t know herself well enough to know what might make her happy.”

So she’s a woman. Got it.

Unlike Betty, Ms. Jones, has demonstrated a fierce independence, as single mother to Xander, her 20-month-old son, whose father she has steadfastly refused to name. Was it the actor Michael Fassbender, as has been speculated? Or is it Mr. Vaughn?
“That’s my son’s business,” she said. “It’s not the public’s business.”

If the kid has a 20-feet-long penis, we’re gonna know. Just sayin’.

Fans might relate better to her if she did discuss her private life, but the prospect seems not to interest her. “Jack Nicholson once told me: ‘You should never give your personal life away, otherwise people will pick you apart. They’ll never believe in your character.’”

Wow, she honestly believes people don’t hate Betty. Jesus.

“Women should have lots of secrets,” she said, a rare gleam of mischief in her eye. “It’s our right to have secrets. Otherwise, what would we write in our memoirs?”

Shoes.

She accented the trim black Chanel dress she wore last week to the gala for the Costume Institute at the Metropolitan Museum of Art with messily coiled hair and masklike eyes, prompting self-appointed red carpet pundits to quip that she looked like Batman, or worse, like the white swan’s evil double.
So what? “Those people don’t have degrees in fashion,” Ms. Jones said. “Why would I care what they say?”

Hey! … Okay, she’s right. 90% of my shirts have superheroes on them.

Ms. Jones herself reads ravenously, up to three books a week, most recently the Patrick Melrose cycle of novels, whose protagonist seems in a hurry to kill himself with drugs and drink. The books affected her dreams, she said, “and my dreams affect how my day goes. I’d say for a time they darkened my outlook.”

Last year she read the Harry Potter books. They never did find those unicorns’ bodies.

In many respects she is still the girl from Sioux Falls, S.D., who ventured to New York to make a name for herself but hung on all the while to a stern Midwestern pragmatism. She is frugal. “I wasn’t brought up with money,” she said. “I don’t think I’d spend more than $150 on a shirt.”

Hmm, how sensible. *folds $6 Iron Man T-shirt from Old Navy, ignores holes in armpits*

Betty, as the series winds to a close next year, may never learn to embrace the unfettered joys of motherhood. Certainly, Ms. Jones suggested, life’s fundamental pleasures will continue to elude her.
As perhaps they should. “God forbid Betty becomes very happy,” she said. “Because then I’ll be bored stiff.”

Wait. Did January Jones just reveal the existential dilemma that women would be bored out of their minds if they allowed themselves to be happy instead of manufacturing drama? January Jones? *violently shakes, head explodes*

Photos: Getty, INF Daily, WENN

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  1. This is why I couldn’t be a celebrity interviewer. Whatever inane shit she had prepared to talk about, all I’m going to want to know is what the fuck is wrong with her eye makeup.

    • I think that’s just black icy deadness seeping out of her tear ducts.

      • I’d be more interested in what the fuck is wrong with her goddamn attitude.
        “Why would I care what they say?”
        Well, January-Baby, you’ve alienated this guy, so I would assume you’ve alienated several more people as well. Given the number of attractive blondes in Hollyweird, I’d think people’s opinions would be a bit more important to you. YOU AIN’T THAT FUCKING HOT! And your shit stinks, too!

    • Hank

      “Jack Nicholson once told me: ‘You should never give your personal life away, otherwise people will pick you apart. They’ll never believe in your character.’”

      Good advice, actually.

  2. David Bowie looks pretty good, although the boobs don’t fit well with the Ziggy Stardust outfit.

  3. Rstak

    I thought Jared Leto’s eyebrows had grown back.

  4.  January Jones Crazy Eye Make Up MET Gala
    Buddy The Elf
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice try, Pris.

  5. anonym

    she either shows no emotion, or she’s batshit

  6. JC

    “What she offered instead was a credible impersonation of Betty Draper Francis…”

    She didn’t offer a freakin’ impersonation–she IS Betty Draper. Let’s not get all excited about her “acting” skills, NYT.

  7. I dunno, she sounds kind of awesome.

  8. What a crock of shit.

  9. So she’s a giant bitch who believes her own bullshit, and the NYT is happy to play along with it to sell some papers? Wow, who would have guessed?

  10. Weeblo

    Dry white toast

  11. schmidtler

    I was going to click over & read the interview just to find out who the spite baby father is, but I’m lazy & also remembered that I don’t really give a shit.

  12. right

    Fuck her. She’s not even hot anymore, just a bitch

  13. grobpilot

    “I don’t think I’d spend more than $150 on a shirt.”. Fuck you, just, fuck you. Pretentious bitch.

    • But what about all that stern Midwestern pragmatism? Fuck the writer for equating her with Midwestern values. I hate that this bitch is from my hometown.

    • Chris

      So how much was the little black Chanel dress or does it not count because someone “gifted” it to her? I believe I’ve also seen her carting around some pretty expensive handbags but I’m guessing those were “gifts” also.

  14.  January Jones Crazy Eye Make Up MET Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    “Gozer the Gozerian… good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.”

  15. Tom Cruise's Magical Penis

    Wow. She’s so stupid for a while she thought she was GRACE Jones.

  16. squiggy

    OMG, La Roux is making a comeback!!!

  17.  January Jones Crazy Eye Make Up MET Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus H. Christ!

    Oh. Never mind.

  18. “spite baby”? Is that like where some guy she likes wouldn’t jump through any hoops, so she had someone else’s baby out of spite? Coz that sounds very, very showbiz.

  19. aj

    Her makeup looks like Peter Dinklage already told her twice.

  20.  January Jones Crazy Eye Make Up MET Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    UGLY with no eyebrows

  21.  January Jones Crazy Eye Make Up MET Gala
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, that was certainly a flurry of ugly.

    (She sure has come a long way from Sioux Falls, SD, I’ll give her that much.)

  22. The biggest asshole is actually this article’s author. Jones could have sneezed and this cynical big mouth would be right there interpreting the worst with a catty little quip. I don’t know that I am necessarily a fan (I just haven’t seen a lot of her work expect an occasional tv episode and a few movies) but her interview seemed like an independent person who doesn’t read off of a pr prepared script. That might make her a little evasive but only a narrow minded jerk would decide it made her bitchey.

  23. She looks like Marilyn Manson in the 90s

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