January Jones Blogs About Sharks Now

November 21st, 2011 // 28 Comments

Look at that pointy nose and beady little eyes searching for new prey. My God, she’s one of them…

January Jones already has a reputation as an ice-cold bitch factory who keeps babies forged in a bed of adultery out of spite only to deny them motherly affection lest their hearts grow warm enough to melt her frost-bitch exterior. So, naturally it was only a matter of time until she laid the groundwork to build a shark army which is how I chose to read her recent blog post to the Huffington Post (You got me.) which surprisingly wasn’t about how pretty she is. Very cunning…

According to a new report released this week by Oceana, less than 1% of the highly migratory sharks reported caught in the Atlantic Ocean are protected from overfishing by the International Commission for the Conservation of Atlantic Tunas (ICCAT), the group that’s charged with protecting them.
And what’s more, the report indicates that three-quarters of the highly migratory shark species being caught in ICCAT fisheries are classified as threatened in parts of the Atlantic by the International Union for the Conservation of Nature (IUCN).
That’s a heck of a lot of neglected sharks.

“A heck of a lot of neglected sharks.”

Wow. Did anyone else find themselves overwhelmingly compelled to write a check to save these proud creatures? Because I wrote mine out to, “DIE YOU SHARK-LOVING HARPIE, I’LL SPEAR YOU MYSELF.”



  1. tom

    Shut up, bitch.

    • You make me sick

      You don’t care about sharks? Fuck you. I don’t like January Jones but I would hate fuck her all day. But she’s talking about saving an endangered animal and you tell her to shut up? Who gives a shit why she’s into this cause, all that matters is she’s trying to help save earth’s dying ecosystem. Read my name again.

  2. Frank Burns

    “That’s a heck of a lot of neglected sharks. Sharks that might conceivably eat a baby that broke loose from its mother who had given her nannies the day off while she took the baby on a fishing trip. Babies love fishing, we all know that.”

  3. Dr. Otto VanderWahl

    I don’t get this chick at all. She looks lost on Mad Men, and has looks that wouldn’t land her a job at a Mall Kiosk. Beside that some hollywood man thrusted into her, what’s she got going forward with?

    • tom

      Her character was awful in Mad Men, don’t know why Don Draper didn’t run away sooner. He was also banging much hotter chicks than this whining bitch .

  4. EricLr

    She always looks like she’s about to stab someone. You would think they would have programmed her to smile occasionally. Obviously putting the titanium fangs in the design was overkill anyway.

  5. Evil Dick Tater

    “January Jones already has a reputation as an ice-cold bitch factory who keeps babies forged in a bed of adultery out of spite only to deny them motherly affection less their hearts grow warm enough to melt her frost-bitch exterior.”

    Nice job, Fish. I hereby nominate that sentence for a Pulitzer.

    • Cap'n Quint

      I would find her plea more compelling if she wore some make-up and heels and sold her rant Pammy style.

      Pamela really spoiled us compared to this. If you are hot and in Hollywood it should be mandatory that you bounce your rack when advocating for animal rights.

  6. Lord Invader

    Jabberjaw is ghost writing Huffpost articles now?

  7. It’s not easy being a cast-iron bitch. It takes discipline, and years of training… A lot of people don’t appreciate that.

  8. I sure hope “Stick up for the Animal You’re Most Like” isn’t the latest Hollywood trend. I really don’t want to hear what Khloe has to say about Mountain Gorillas.

  9. neglected tiger shark

    shes awesome.
    one of the truely unique talents in film and television today and i think, a future icon of hollywood.

    • kimmykimkim

      Sharks do not have great vision.

    • Sliver

      Tiger sharks are known for their love of human blood.

    • I agree. January is a talented young lady who has made it in a couple of tough jobs, first as a successful model and then as an award winning actress, and she’s not an ice princess or she wouldn’t be asked to be on all of the award shows or to host SNL. She’s a down to earth South Dakota girl who has shown every nay sayer that she can do anything she puts her mind to, and how many of you talented commentors have been asked to contribute to HuffPost, or any other paid work?

  10. cc

    She’s been blogging about sharks for quite some time. Honestly, it redeems her somewhat in my eyes.

  11. “Neglected shark” makes about as much sense as “undernourished mosquito” to me.

  12. God

    God has been posting on Thesuperficial for a number of years.
    Recently I was denied access, for God know how, but chose not to care on who to login.

    I then created political mania world wide and into fruition now.

    He was right, we should bomb the bolack abombat
    Not sure what I wrote,. DONT YOU SHOOT ME!!

    Ok, next sunday brunch. Your buying guys food

    You guys will make that is wondering liqcuis
    and seditifyin

  13. a

    Sharks are AWESOME.

  14. fish

    What a bitch!

    She should be doing something more valuable with her time!

    Like recycling other gossip sites’ stories for a bunch of mouth-breathing readers!

    What a bitch!

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