This Is January Jones At 9-Years-Old

Because little boys are easily fooled by candy or people with weird noses who own their own amusement parks, they have no idea why making fun of their classmates’ appearance is stupid because here’s January Jones at nine years old who, iciness aside, grew up to be pretty fucking hot. But that’s not the amazing story here. The amazing story is that January Jones joined Instagram last month, and yet not a single photo on her account is of the child she birthed out of spite. There’s selfie after selfie of January, Jon Hamm, Rose Byrne, more selfies of January that actually make her look like an enjoyable, non-frost-based cyborg, and even a fake baby smoking a cigarette who’s apparently worth of her love, but no Xander. Although, it looks like there might be a shot of his dad. (Fuck you, I sat through Getaway.) Fortunately, the little bastard’s clearly aware of his plot in life and is already planning for the future:

January Jones Xander Dane Dancing

“Xander, when are you going to give me your dear mother some grandchildren to keep me company while you’re off gallivanting around?”
“Oh, zip it, you old icebag. I told you Fernando and I are dog people. Now who wants Mai Tais?”

Photos: Instagram