Jane Fonda’s Sex Life Sounds Better Than Gwyneth Paltrow’s. Wait, What?

May 2nd, 2012 // 50 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

Recently the Lifetime network started airing The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet. I’ll pause here for a second while most of you quietly file out the door. Anyway, the show claims that it will “tackle a wide variety of topics universal to all females, including sexuality, body image, career and finances, relationships, love and loss, politics, human rights, transformation, breakthrough and perseverance,” so naturally during Episode 1 the topic of favorite sexual positions came up. The most notable was Jane Fonda, who would be having a lot more doggystyle sex if it wasn’t for that damned bum knee of hers. Grab your barf bag for Page Six‘s report:

“While I am quite flexible and I can kneel, it’s not quite as comfortable for me as it used to be before I had a fake knee,” she said.

I guess that would fall under the “perseverance” portion of the mission statement. What’s funny is that during the same episode with that old lady from my mom’s exercise videos (Dear God, why did i just put that into my head?), there’s also Zoe Saldana admitting that she’s basically running through the Kama Sutra and an unusually reserved Gwyneth Paltrow clamming up on the subject. And right here is where I’d love to tell you about why that’s strange because she openly cheats on her husband and stabs animals’ faces but I really can’t get the thought of arthritic, rug-burned knees out of my mind, so please excuse me while I go lay down in traffic.

Photo: Getty, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN


  1. it had to be said

    Doggy is Jane’s “perseverance” while anal is her “breakthrough.” What channel is this on?

  2. JC

    Gwyneth just doesn’t want to admit that she only takes it in the nostril from men with hand-painted cocks.

  3. BeBo Wobbley

    The reason Gwyneth clammed up is quite simple…you have to find someone who will have sex with you more than twice to have a favorite position….it is either that or “being artificially inseminated” wasn’t a choice, she could talk about publicly….

    • EricLr

      He should be grateful that Her Highness allowed him to use her womb for anything so common as bearing a child at all. If she weren’t so kind and generous, she would have forced one of her girl-servants to bear the child.

  4. grobpilot

    There’s not enough heavy bunker oil in the world to lube that dried-up old cunt. Fuckin’ traitor.

    • Thank you for remembering that Hanoi Jane is a fuckin’ traitor and always will be a fuckin’ traitor.


    • dooood

      traitor or not. there are far worse ones out there.
      the united states really had no business being there in the first place

    • El Jefe

      Traitor is a subjective thing. Would you consider Germans that went against Germany and Hitler and helped the Jews and the Allies traitors? Just because it is your country does not mean it is right and you have to blindly support its actions, that is ignorant.

      • Vera

        Wow and I thought intelligence had died a death under the drug of patriotism and propaganda. Don’t let the wind-up sheep tell you otherwise. The truth doesn’t change even if the politicians try to convince us otherwise. Ms Fonda is fab and was gorgeous as Barbarella. I’ve never thought of her as a traitor just someone who told it like it was, truly a brave thing to do. If others disagreed with her fine but that’s called freedom of speech.

      • Jack Flash

        Perhaps you missed the part where she consorted with the North Vietnamese while American soldiers were held captive by same. See photograph above. Or perhaps you saw the photograph but missed the part where she called said captive Americans “babykillers”. One needn’t be in agreement with a cause to be able to differentiate between speaking one’s mind and straying well and truly into treasonous territory. Jane Fonda didn’t stray… she barged right in. What a disgrace.

    • Educate yourself. Lot’s of people opposed the war, but Fonda has apologized over and over for some of the things she did then. Shocker..some of us do things we regret in life, don’t expect to be branded forever.
      Many reports are exaggerated or simply untrue. Judge not unless you know what you are talking about and calling a woman the C word shows you are hostile trash. No excuse for it. I was there and know what my men felt. The true disgrace is not being able to discuss a war intelligently in a country where freedom is prized, even decades after. You might be the real “traitor”.

    • EricLr

      Fonda wasn’t a traitor, she was just a dumb-as-shit Hollywood ditz who was too fucking stupid to even know she was being used for propaganda. Calling her a traitor is like yelling at a retard for drooling.

    • Inmate 12236969

      All you Jane Fonda lovers can suck my dick. POW’s handed her a note that they were being tortured and this fucking cunt handed the note to the NVA and our guys got beaten for it.

      None of you have the balls to serve you have other righteous people fight your battles. If any of you cowards talked your shit to my face I’d put my foot up your pussy ass. It will never happen because you people are fucking cowards. Again SUCK MY DICK!

      • Shriram

        Well- how does one reply to such craziness? A well-reasoned, fact-based aneswr, maybe? Please spare the Stalin/Hitler bumf, because that’s a red herring the allies could do nothing about the red army in the 40 s, whilst the west could’ve done anything against Saddam had we only had the moral backbone instead we turned our back on the Kurds he gassed and his use of banned WMDs in his war with Iran.You seem to be stuck in the crazy loop, excusing this behaviour whilst assigning no linkage to the problems of today.

  5. Dramatic Puddle

    Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t have anything as messy as S-E-X. She would never allow anyone to mess up her coiffe, her cosmetics, or risk wrinkling her skin for something as animal as S-E-X. So of course Jane Fonda has a better sex life than Paltrow does, largely because Jane Fonda HAS a sex life.

  6. Sherman Shylock

    one bony ass looks quite like another .
    I’m not sure that Gwyneth( does anybody really call her Gwyneth?)
    would humble herself to go doggy style when that wouldn’t allow her to control the action. She has to be in control !

  7. Gwyneth Paltrow My Valentine Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Old lady leather face.

  8. Not if she had the last cunt on earth. Was that too blunt?

    • Poor delusional Eric. First, B.S. of course you would ( if you are even able). Second, the assumption she would have you is quite a leap. Blunt is a cover for “I know I could never satisfy her and I’m scared just thinking about it”. Sad you had to lash out rather than admit the truth.

  9. Gwyneth Paltrow My Valentine Premiere
    just say'n
    Commented on this photo:

    For someone who’s not yet 40 she’s starting to look a bit rough around the edges.

  10. Gwyneth vs. Jane. Hmm, would you rather have sex with a block of ice or a wet baseball mitt? Let me make this harder and throw Ernest Borgnine into the mix.

  11. Gwyneth Paltrow My Valentine Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    GOOP Do: Get artificial knee.

  12. zomgbie

    so if jane fonda is only going down on 1 knee,
    shes tebowing. right?

  13. Sidney Levine

    Not sure I want to picture either from the ass end,all though Jane’s ass might be a little more wrinkly.
    I think Jane would be much more enthusiastic . Not Sure Gwyn would deeply enjoy the ride from behind

  14. Gwyneth Paltrow My Valentine Premiere
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yes Ms. Paltrow, your husband is not within the 200 mile radius you defined, and your children are locked in a closet outside a 300 mile radius. We promise they won’t bother you again.”

  15. When Gwyneth queefs, it probably whistles “God Save the Queen”.

  16. FruitLoop

    That’s the regal look of a woman who is above all of us peons. She can raise her nose and think, “I’ve taken Brad Pitts penis in all of my orifices, you filthy peasants.”

  17. Jeffrey Sean Keith

    Gwyneth is so damn hot I don’t care what anyone says,I would hit it and slam it hard!

  18. Jon and Kate Plus Hate

    Is Gwyneth’s dad the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz?

  19. Red Rooster

    Oh, grow up. Older people have sex — it’s not just for young people, as I’m sure you will discover. You’re repeating what every hackneyed comedy writer says about older people having sex.

  20. I always say people should stop asking her questions. Just stand there and look hot. I can only tolerate her when she’s acting.

  21. Jeffrey Sean Keith

    So no one thinks Gwyneth is hot and wouldn’t bang her please, come on guys!

    • EricLr

      You can’t bang her. She had her vagina replaced with an elegant Victorian-era diamond brooch years ago.

  22. tlmck

    I only have 3 images of Jane Fonda burned into my brain. The first is of her in a bikini from a little movie called California Suite. The second is just about any scene from Barbarella. And the third is her wearing daisy dukes from On Golden Pond.

  23. Man, whoever wrote this article is a childish dumb-ass. All of us will be that age and still having sex. Wake up kiddies, it will happen to you before you know it. Your body will change and your mind will stay young. Cringing from a natural reality just shows what babies you are. Pretty gross little people too, judging from the postings. Grow up.

  24. GreggA

    If I had the opportunity to do Jane Fonda I’d take it. I would bet she’s pretty good at it. Methinks that she’s probably down for the ‘difficult brown’ as well.

    Fishsticks on the other hand, though I’d like to see her birthday suit, is probably as cold as said moniker.

  25. John

    I was standing right next to a Marine who has his M-16 aimed right at the forehead of Jane Fonda when she was travelling through Danang & every Marine on that truck was yelling for him to shoot! True Story!

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