James Franco Hooked Up With Not-Selena Gomez-or-Vanessa Hudgens From ‘Spring Breakers’

This one. He’s banging this one.

I think I got all this right, but if I didn’t, blame this shitty Lisa Frank notebook that’s not even college ruled. Oh, wow, there’s a unicorn on you. How about not having 20 feet between each line? Goddammit. Anyway, Ashley Benson was dating Justin Bieber totes BFF Ryan Good and so, like, of course, she became super-tight with Selena Gomez who got her a role on Spring Breakers so they can totally have sleepovers and talk shit on Vanessa. (Did you know she spreads her vadge for pics she sends to dudes? VULVA FOUL.) But here’s where it gets messed up because Ashley started being a super-skank and hooking up with James Franco and like totally used Selena to boost her career. Bitch, right? RadarOnline and stuff:

“Selena feels used and kind of punched in the face seeing as though she got Ashley the role and Ashley just used the opportunity to break her friend’s heart,” the insider revealed to RadarOnline.com.
“After Emma Roberts turned down the role because she didn’t want to gain weight for it, Ashley practically begged Selena to get her in front of producers for the part. She did, because she thought they were all friends, but it was clear early on that Ashley had something going on with James.”

*steps out of shower after scrubbing away writing all that stuff up top, abs rippling with water like a mountain stream populated by sexy, virile salmon, each individually hung like Jon Hamm*

Oh, hey, didn’t see you there. So here’s what’s really surprising about all this and it’s not that two women now hate each other: It’s the most pedestrian and non-avant-dicknose-garde thing James Franco has done since Spider-man. He was on a set with a hot chick and banged her. Holy shit! Rupert Sanders does that in parked cars. I guess I’m disappointed because I was hoping this would’ve already resulted in James Franco editing footage of him and Ashley Benson into The Master because he could’ve been in it but Paul Thomas Anderson kept calling all the time after they went once for coffee. You gotta put your foot down on that shit, or dudes will suck your creativity through the phone and then your farts lack the soft delicate notes of black licorice and pollo fundido. You might as well fart out the window at that point instead of wasting a good sniffing glass.

Photos: Pacific Coast News