James Franco Hooked Up With Not-Selena Gomez-or-Vanessa Hudgens From ‘Spring Breakers’

October 23rd, 2012 // 19 Comments
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This one. He’s banging this one.

I think I got all this right, but if I didn’t, blame this shitty Lisa Frank notebook that’s not even college ruled. Oh, wow, there’s a unicorn on you. How about not having 20 feet between each line? Goddammit. Anyway, Ashley Benson was dating Justin Bieber totes BFF Ryan Good and so, like, of course, she became super-tight with Selena Gomez who got her a role on Spring Breakers so they can totally have sleepovers and talk shit on Vanessa. (Did you know she spreads her vadge for pics she sends to dudes? VULVA FOUL.) But here’s where it gets messed up because Ashley started being a super-skank and hooking up with James Franco and like totally used Selena to boost her career. Bitch, right? RadarOnline and stuff:

“Selena feels used and kind of punched in the face seeing as though she got Ashley the role and Ashley just used the opportunity to break her friend’s heart,” the insider revealed to RadarOnline.com.
“After Emma Roberts turned down the role because she didn’t want to gain weight for it, Ashley practically begged Selena to get her in front of producers for the part. She did, because she thought they were all friends, but it was clear early on that Ashley had something going on with James.”

*steps out of shower after scrubbing away writing all that stuff up top, abs rippling with water like a mountain stream populated by sexy, virile salmon, each individually hung like Jon Hamm*

Oh, hey, didn’t see you there. So here’s what’s really surprising about all this and it’s not that two women now hate each other: It’s the most pedestrian and non-avant-dicknose-garde thing James Franco has done since Spider-man. He was on a set with a hot chick and banged her. Holy shit! Rupert Sanders does that in parked cars. I guess I’m disappointed because I was hoping this would’ve already resulted in James Franco editing footage of him and Ashley Benson into The Master because he could’ve been in it but Paul Thomas Anderson kept calling all the time after they went once for coffee. You gotta put your foot down on that shit, or dudes will suck your creativity through the phone and then your farts lack the soft delicate notes of black licorice and pollo fundido. You might as well fart out the window at that point instead of wasting a good sniffing glass.

Photos: Pacific Coast News


  1. grobpilot

    Tittys! I know, it’s juvenile.

  2. If he knocks her up, something may need be done for the good of the species.

    Just sayin’.

  3. Mr. Poop, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm

    This movie looks amazing

  4. Drundel

    How long till a video/pictures are leaked online?

  5. El Jefe

    A slut in Hollywood, who saw that coming. Which is worse, Brett Ratner with shrimp and cocktail sauce or James Franco and his general douchiness?

  6. Deacon Jones

    I bet she gave up the balloon knot.

  7. JC

    “Feels kind of punched in the face”? Chris Brown could help upgrade that.

  8. Why do they all look like they are wearing loaded diapers.

    • Happy_Evil_Dude

      They were never potty trained, their parents wanted to use that valuable time to get them in meetings with producers instead.

  9. Gary Grant

    James Franco is such a pot smoking poon hound. Envy.

  10. dontkillthemessenger

    Emma Roberts didn’t want to gain weight for the role… What, they were going to force her to eat 1.5 meals a day as opposed to her regular intake of cigarettes and Red Bulls? Bastards!

  11. anonym

    ashley is the hottest one in the group, hands down

  12. Selena is disgustingly naive. You didn’t think an actress would try to further her career by hooking up with a more popular actor? Get real.

  13. God’s Thought Bubble on Creation:
    “Hmmm…How can I make women different from men? I want most men to find women attractive…WAIT! I’ve got it! I’ll give women some large bumps on their chests. And I think I’ll call them…TITS! That’ll work. Hell, all guys like tits…Sometimes I amaze even me.”

  14. Zergling

    “Oh god real life happened!” are celebrities that out of touch with reality that this happening is just shocking beyond belief? seriously…

  15. Bikini Selena Gomez Vanessa Hudgens Ashley Benson Spring Breakers
    Commented on this photo:

    Benson is on a very high profile teen drama. I’ve heard of her and I haven’t even watched the show. On the other hand, I had no idea who Gomez was until she started dating Justin Bieber, and I’ve heard she’s been around acting and singing for years.

    • chad

      Ashley Benson was on a tv show called Pretty Little Liars. She was also a regular on Days of our Lives. You can go to IMDB.com to find out what else they have been in. Gomez on the other hand is a big enough name without Dweeber. Disney channel Wizards of Waverly Place is the biggest one.

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