It’s Jessica Simpson’s Weight Watchers Commerical That Cost Them $3 Million

September 11th, 2012 // 59 Comments
Jessica Simpson Katie Couric
WATCH: Jessica Simpson's Weight Watchers Commercial

When I posted pics of Jessica Simpson in New York yesterday, I just assumed she’d change out of The Gut-Curtain™ before making her big “post-baby body reveal” on Katie Couric‘s new show. Except, nope, she wore The Gut-Curtain™ which made even more sense after you saw her debut her new Weight Watchers commercial (above) which is literally shot from the neck up only and might as well be called Jowls 3-D. Although, I guess I should give Weight Watchers some credit for not throwing in the towel and just making her a cartoon character. “Weight Watchers: Because It Works. But don’t look at me!

Photo: Disney-ABC Domestic Television

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  1. Nwambe

    She’s sucked in, tucked and corseted to death. The poor girl. She used to be SO hot, I hope she gets there sooner!

  2. Million bucks a pound.

  3. Mateo

    It is sad but really….who cares? Let’s see those titties!!!

    • Lil Benny Waffle

      Exactly, you guys ripping on her all the time is just going to make her cover up more. There’s plenty of famous skinny bitches, let us chubby chasers have one hot celebrity!

      Bring on the ta-tas!

  4. Aryn

    Even if she isn’t at her goal weight, she’s considerably thinner than she was while pregnant (that’s saying a lot for Jessica Simpson). I wonder if she even knew they were only going to use shoulders-up shots of her. Sad, poor advertising, and a waste of money of Weight Watcher’s part.

    • Techman

      The only reason she’s thinner is because she’s not pregnant right now. She will never get back to when she was hot and will probably be pregnant again before she ever drops the extra weight.

      • Sliver

        And there’s where you’re wrong…celebrities will do anything to get attention, including losing weight…and then regaining it, and then losing it again, etc. (Oprah, Kirstie Alley, etc). She will lose weight, but how long will it stay off is the real question….

      • Sliver

        P.s. The bird died happy.

  5. Salad Face

    Is Sally Struthers a vampire?

  6. DeucePickle

    I think “Jowls 3-D” really is the most accurate description of this thing I just saw. Well done, sirs.

  7. 舔阴

    oh dear lord. it’s a talking balloon.

  8. We live in a world where Nick Lachey appears to have made a good decision. Let that sink in.

  9. cc

    Well, I suppose they can always hope that only a few percent of the people that see the commercial have access to the Internet. If not, this is campaign they should really have been put on hold.

  10. EricLr

    Anyone dumb enough to pay a celebrity IN ADVANCE to lose weight deserves to be screwed over.

  11. FudgeSticks

    That stuffed pig gets three million for fucking up a diet, and I haven’t had a pay increase for 2 years because of the “economy”. Only in America!

    • yellowman

      Katie Couric’s new show is as much to blame…and whoever watches those craptacular mindless morning shows to begin with (average housewife/baby mama/welfare brood mare)…it’s like watching one long commercial – her next guest was Flo chatting about her latest round-the-clock ad

  12. Couldn’t they just have superimposed her mouth from this clip over her mouth in the scene from “Dukes of Hazzard” where she wore a bikini? I would have believed that.

  13. Frank Burns

    Its a crappy promo for Weight Watchers, but a great advertisement for the Kevlar and steel cable that are holding that dress together.

    • Sliver

      And when she got home from the shoot, she tore off her reinforced clothing, and the avalanche of skin that descended upon her servants ended up killing no less than 2 people, wounded 1 dog and a wild bird that flew into her boobs, searching for crumbs.

  14. Cock Dr

    Money for nothing

  15. Deacon Jones

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Best weight loss commercial ever!

    That’s like having a commercial for hot dogs and just showing a plate of buns the whole time. What a joke!

  16. Deacon Jones

    I had the misfortune of watching this pig this morning on the TV in my doctor’s lobby, and boy, that was torture.

    Listening to her respond to these softball questions was like listening to my 3 year old niece explain why she ate the box of crayons.

  17. brian

    So she WAS fat. Who cares? She’s not fat now and she STILL has huge tits. I don’t care what anyone says, she always was a hottie.

    • Jack Ketch

      Umm, she is still fat. Look at her face. Its all packed in under the Spanx (and God knows what else). Honestly? I’d say she’s lost about 10 lbs. Cock Dr is right … money for nothing.

      • TomFrank (can't sign in because of the fucking ad)

        Jessica Simpson lost 10 pounds.

        Maxwell Drew Simpson’s birth weight: 9 pounds, 13 ounces.

  18. I’m loving her huge tits. She should keep those. Apparently being a healthier person for her child involves her eating Chili’s around the clock.

  19. blah

    I don’t think they intended to shoot her from the neck up, but getting any more of her body into the sot would have required moving the camera out of the Solar System, and we just don’t have the technology yet. Just getting that little sliver of neck requred a mission to Mars that’s what Curiosity is really doing up there.

  20. Bobin

    “I knew Weight Watchers was the only way to go”.
    How about NOT ordering 40 PIECE McNugget meals anymore?!

  21. Gary Grant

    She has always been a big girl just that this pregnancy made her look like a she gave birth to the whole Duggar family.

    • Hank Hill

      she’s always been a big girl??? WHAT?? did you not see any of the Newlyweds episodes??? she was tiny. did you see Duke of Hazard? She was probably a size 2. You’re nuts if you think she’s always been a big girl. go to youtube and watch the episodes of Newlyweds and you tell me if you thought she was big. you’re nuts.

  22. skunk

    because it works

  23. I_HEART_HUCKABEES

    Only in america can you be rewarded for becoming a fat tub of lard and then losing a few pounds. “Ah wash muhself with a rag on a stick” *applause*

  24. Peter

    I want to see her pull those cheeks apart and make it wink at the camera.

  25. Lawl

    Her voice even sounds fat.

  26. TomFrank (can't sign in because of the fucking ad)

    I could swear that when she says “I just want to be a better version of myself” (21 seconds in), she’s reading it from a cue card someone’s holding up to the left of the camera.

  27. MSG

    Fruits, vegetables…there’s so much REAL food outside of Chili’s, Jessica. I feel like this ad is supposed to make us sympathetic toward her, her failure, and Weight Watchers. “She really tried, guys, it’s so hard to loose weight, right REAL women? She’s a MOM, and she’s fat, and that’s as REAL as it gets, right ladies? It’s so tough! We understand, and we’ll give you a hug. Weight Watchers. It’s for you, because we know: You’re so REAL, big girl.”

    • Hank Hill

      It IS hard for women to lose weight. most moms dont ever get back to their prebaby weight. have you ever eaten nothing but bland protien and vegetables all day everyday without any sweets? im sure you havent. it takes a lot of hard discipline. you’re an asshole and jessica is gorgeous.

      • MSG

        This is my favorite because I gave birth 3 months ago, I gained the DOCTOR RECOMMENDED 25 lbs–I didn’t over-indulge and put my & my baby’s health at risk–and lost it all. I did work hard, I ate what was best for my baby but did my share of smacking. I, without someone adding another $3 million to sweeten the deal, lost it all and have my figure back because I worked for it during my pregnancy and after. It’s not easy, I’m not saying it is. But she admits to over-indulging, and then claims stupidity, as if she had no idea she wasn’t just having a 45 lb baby. If anyone shouldbe held to a higher standard, it’s someone who has made their fortune predominantly on their looks. She had the means to loose the weight, and didn’t. If she received a 3 million dollar advance to write a pregnancy memoir, would everyone be so defensively of her? Writing a book is hard, too.

      • MSG

        *snacking, should be, defensive. Fucking christ

      • MSG

        *write a pregnancy memoir and had nothing to show for it.

    • I’m not fan of Jessica, but I am a Weight Watchers vet. WW encourages its clients — the ones who aren’t nursing mothers — to lose weight at a safe and steady rate of 1 to 2 pounds per week. For new mothers, they recommend waiting 6 to 8 weeks, and to aim for 1 pound per week while nursing. So, according to Weight Watchers’ own guidelines, she should have lost about 13 pounds safely so far. Of course, THEY SHOULD BE SAYING THIS IN THE CAMPAIGN; it’s a perfect opportunity to educate people about patience, smart choices, and sticking with it.

      But that lost opportunity aside, I’d like to presumptuously speak for all those who struggle with their weight for whatever reason and with whatever results when I ask you to please take your holier-than-thou “gah why can’t she just eat real food she’s a failure” smarminess and jam it.

      • MSG

        Hmmmm I’m sure NOTHING abot losing weight that slowly is to keep clients paying in to their system for longer, right? And please do go in detail about the educational information delivered by this ad. They want you to look at Jessica and feel akin to her so that you buy into their program, so that you choose them above other weight lose systems (most of which are complete bullshit anyhow, they’re all just in it for the money, don’t kid yourself that they care about you & how “real” you are). But guess what, Jessica Simpson ISN’T just like you. She can afford her own personal home gym, a personal trainer, a personal chef, and someone to watch her baby while she gets on an elliptical for 30 minutes. You should be offended for having her “struggle” compared to yours, it’s not the tucking same, no matter how you slice it.

      • MSG

        Fucking same…goddamn auto-correct.

      • Would you be more convinced if it came from the gubment?

        “Weight loss should be about 1 to 2 pounds per week for a period of 6 months, with the subsequent strategy based on the amount of weight lost. ” (Again, for non-nursing mothers; studies find that losing more than a pound a week may harm the baby’s nutrition.)

        http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/public/heart/obesity/lose_wt/recommen.htm

        As far as WW’s “system” goes, it’s about keeping conscious of what you eat and portion control. They don’t sell food as a required part of the program. You don’t have to buy books or doodads you don’t want. You don’t even have to go to meetings, though I believe they help — you can do it all online. You just learn how to make healthier choices, something that lots of people who grew up in a fast-food world and aren’t as naturally smart as you must learn.

        Whether she can afford all that stuff, and whether or not she’s just going to be fat from here on out is beside my point. IT’S BAD FOR A BABY for its mother to lose too much weight too fast. My only quibble is that they should be saying this in the campaign, and she and her handlers and the company are all morons for not emphasizing it. You’re still an asshole.

      • MSG

        And I’m tempted to call you a sheep, but based on the whole “Weight Watchers vet” thing, you’re probably more of a cow. Are you trying to say that Weight Watchers is a free service simply because it doesn’t involve a meal purchase plan? They are a corporation, they want money. And what you fail to point out with all of your “1 or 2 pounds a week” bullshit, is that it’s a guideline not because it’s unhealthy to loose more, but rather because the assumption is loosing more is often the result of extreme diet and exercise, which would result in more of a temporary, unmaintainable weight loss. She gave birth about 6 months ago, she admits herself to over-indulging her whole pregnancy. IT’S BAD FOR A BABY when it’s mother consumed fatty foods & treats completely lacking any nutritional value the entire pregnancy. Had she made an effort to simply get her eating on track and maintain a reasonable, 3 day a week workout regimen, she would have lost more. There’s not much of a question about it. You’d just prerfer to rush to her side, because you feel a cow-kinship. I’m an asshole, but you’re pathetic.

      • You’re dumb as a plank, as well as an asshole. *Loosing* weight? Sigh.
        And you had a baby recently? Spewing vile hate talk and putdowns at another woman? Lucky baby.

      • MSG

        Yes, my daughter suffers immensely because of a single typo and one Internet fight with someone who called me an asshole because she can’t do math. Even if you give Jessica 2 lbs a week to lose, she would have lost about 50 lbs by now (not including what you lose having the baby, placenta, extra blood, etc). Does she appear to have lost that much? Not at all, she’s hardly lost anything, because what–she just wants to be pregnant forever anyhow, why bother?
        Also, I see that you posted a comment where you failed to add the apostrophe to “Let’s,” so clearly if you ever have children, they’ll be mentally retarded. I’m am asshole for being an asshole to someone who first called me an asshole, but you’re golden. Not an idiot hypocrite at all.

  28. anonymous

    Jessica Simpson is fat. And has a man face. And a penis.

  29. ChaCha

    Whatever’s going on under that Gut-Curtain looks excruciatingly painful.

  30. Aggie

    These are 2 of the best articles about Jessica Simpson’s role as a Weight Watchers spokesperson. They cut right to the heart of the problem with WW choosing her, and it’s not “cuz she’s a fat fucking pig”. The writing is well thought out and bang on.

    http://www.laineygossip.com/Articles/Celebrity/75/Details/24529/Jessica-Simpson-prepares-to-unveil-post-baby-body-in-Katie-Couric

    http://www.laineygossip.com/Articles/Celebrity/75/Details/24557/Gisele-Bundchen-the-anti-Jessica-Simpson

    • anonymous

      Thanks for the links. These were the best parts…

      ” It’s all “don’t criticize my body until I am looking my best, then please objectify me and discuss it ad nauseum.”

      “And let’s get really real here: Jessica is trying to curry favour with women that struggle to lose baby weight or weight in general. Don’t listen to her because, as Lainey pointed out, she’s lying… She’s trying to tap into post-partum insecurity and body issues to wring the most out of her brand and that’s what’s making her a giant asshole.”

  31. Gypsy

    This is all just total bullshit. Leave her alone. Being a celeb there is so much pressure to lose all your baby weight in the first week – oh sorry, before you have even given birth. So what if she indulged – after spending most of her life dieting to be a celeb, maybe she just wanted to relax and not worry about it for a while.
    And so what if she hasn’t lost the weight yet – does it really matter?

  32. mrsmass

    let’s just leave the whole “duke’s of hazard” body out of the equation from now on. she never had that body on her own. she had to work out like crazy with a team of trainers and probably didn’t eat for a while to get to that size/shape.

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