Hugh Hefner & Crystal Harris Are Engaged. Again.

December 3rd, 2012 // 33 Comments
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Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
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“I knew you’d fly back to me, Amelia Earhart.”

The last time Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris got engaged, she ditched him five days before the wedding, hocked her ring then went on Howard Stern and told everyone Hugh’s a never-nude that ejaculates at the drop of a wooden nickel. So how you let a woman like that go is beyond me, and fortunately old Hugh felt the same way because he proposed to her again. Although in his defense, she could’ve just been standing in front of his favorite lamp when he got down on one knee. He gets engaged to more hookers that way. E! News reports:

The former runaway bride is officially ready to celebrate a New Year’s Eve wedding with Hef, a Playboy source confirms to E! News.
“Dear past, thank you for all the lessons. Dear future, I’m ready,” she tweeted recently.

Here’s what I want to know: Hugh Hefner is constantly surrounded by bleached blonde golddiggers who clearly have no problem doing freaky shit with an 80-year-old for room and board, so what exactly is Crystal Harris doing that these chicks aren’t? Actually, you know what? I don’t want to know that. No one tells me what that is. I don’t need mental images of an oatmeal vagina floating around my- GODDAMMIT.

Photo: Getty, Splash News, WENN


  1. cc

    Proof gross is defined very differently depending on age and gender. (They are both gross.)

  2. The woman’s face should be on football helmets in San Francisco.

  3. Blue Balls

    who cares? Kate Middleton is pregnant and we all know how much Americans love them some Royalty.

  4. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    love marraige

  5. achilles wrath

    It’s like his own special version of hell. Sure, he made sex a brand and got everything he ever wanted (girls and gold) but no-one wants him for *him*, just his money!

  6. “Dear past, thank you for all the lessons (like about where Hef hides his viagra). Dear future, I’m ready (with a bottle full of horse tranquilizers to swap them out).”

  7. USDA Prime McBeef

    Maybe she just likes semi-soft cock.

  8. I think Hugh doesn’t know what the fuck is going on around him anymore and is being manipulated by many forces. Btw, it’s obvious he’s not having sex with these women.

    Hooking up with Hugh is the ultimate goal for these gold diggers, they get showered with gifts and have an expensive lifestyle for little to no work.

  9. Poop head

    That’s a wax figure, right? (Either one of em)

  10. Hef thinks he just met her last week.

  11. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I love U gran’pa

  12. He shoots – he misses.

  13. I would have NEVER guessed properly who would be smiling and who would be scowling!

  14. Clearly he doesn’t remember that he already dumped her once. She’s the female equivalent of that beer bottle you set down at a party, and then 10 minutes later can’t figure out which one is yours, so you just go get a new one. Except instead of a new one, he just reached into the cooler and pulled out one he’d already used up.

  15. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She got a call from Hef’s doctor saying he only had 1 year left to live! That changed everything!

  16. Cher X

    What is LeeAnn Rimes doing with my Grandpa?

  17. Now showing on Bravo: The Not-So-Naughty-But-Mostly-Grody Adventures of D. Crepit Limpdick and his Bride-To-Be, Digger McFamewhore.

  18. I hope they go through with it. I can’t think of 2 people who deserve each other more!

  19. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I think these two crazy kids will be just fine.

  20. Inmate 12236969

    “No really I love Hef for his mind not his money, what do think I’m a fucking whore”? Replied Crystal

  21. Mark B

    Either Hef is senile or that hoo-ha tastes like french silk pie.

  22. Cock Dr

    Good luck with that.

  23. Pat C.

    Why does Hugh Hefner want to get married to anybody, anyway? I sure as hell wouldn’t if I was in his position.

  24. anonym

    no normal girl would be attracted to limp dicked old men like that.

    must have daddy issues.

  25. Jack Ketch

    Hef will be 87 come April. Wow. There are no words for that phony, gold-digging cunt.

  26. ItsOnlyMe

    If this can happen why is there so much humug with gay marriage? Heff is and has been a joke but if this babe wants to marry him, why not? Anyway, who the hell gives a $hit!?!

  27. kery

    she is a bitch!! she only likes his money gold digger ;p

  28. Oh, c’mon, Hefner. Seriously…???

  29. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Jack Ketch
    Commented on this photo:

    Five years older ? I’d say mid 30s at least … closer to 40. And why would someone so young need so much Botox ? Gross.

  30. Sliver

    What a nice picture of some girl and her Grandpa.

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