Honey Boo Boo Endorsed Obama. Goddammit…

October 17th, 2012 // 70 Comments
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Because apparently Octomom‘s endorsement wasn’t enough (Goddamn, gun-toting single moms), Honey Boo Boo endorsed Barack Obama on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Monday night. So if you were giddy about last night’s debate performance, knock that shit off and prepare thy magical underloons for the reign of your new Mormon overlord and also make sure dinner’s on the table by five, you menstrauting quims. Via The LA Times:

He brought up the subject of Romney’s recent appearance on “Live! With Michael and Kelly,” where the Republican expressed his preference for Snooki over Honey Boo Boo. Although Alana was unaware of Romney’s taste in reality television — or indeed, of Romney at all — Kimmel asked who she would be supporting this year.
“Marack Obama,” she replied.

Except its get even worse, because The LA Times goes on to out Honey Boo Boo as a gay mafia sleeper agent:

For the record, this isn’t the first time Alana’s expressed some left-of-center opinions. She endeared herself to gay fans of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” when she said that “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with bein’ a little gay” and with her cross-dressing male pig, Glitzy, who wears nail polish and a tiara — not that he has much say in the matter.

Dammit, well, that cat’s out of the bag, so here’s the deal: A bunch of us liberals got together over arugula lattes and tried to come up with ways to gayjamify the south and eventually came up with Honey Boo Boo, an adorable little pig-child who squirts diabetic glee out of every pore. Together with her proudly ignorant, obligatorily racist family of walrus-people, her simple-minded antics would incrementally push a pro-gay agenda into America’s most retarded and backwoods living rooms. Except now that everyone knows, we have to put her down early instead of when it looks like the corn syrup markets are about to bubble. So on to Plan B: Jon Hamm‘s Jug Band Jamboree Christmas Album featuring such hits as “When Baby Jesus Is Sleeping, It’s Okay To Take A Look” and “All I Want For Christmas Is To Maybe Touch It Out By The Shed Without Being Judged By My Relatives.” Available where fine country music is sold.

Photo: Splash News

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  1. cc

    I love you guys, but please don’t ever write about Honey Boo Boo again. The decline of America is worrying enough without having to contemplate this ‘thing’ has a tv show.

    • Normally, I would agree with this. I don’t want Honey Boo Boo to become a thing here like the Lohans or the Kardashians. That being said, though, if Obama starts to turn things around in the Southern swing states (FL, VA, NC), at least now I’ll have an idea why.

    • kimmykimkim

      Sometimes I just wanna move to Canada. This Honey Boo Boo shit is fucking embarrassing.

  2. achilles wrath

    I have absolutely NO idea who ANY of those people are (except for Romney and Obama obv)

  3. Sooooo, let’s take a look at the score here:
    Obama:
    Madonna will strip
    Honey Boo Boo continues
    Octomom

    The issues went out the door on this one. If you vote Obama in, you might as well be al-qaida…

    • Romney:
      Kid Rock sings at the inauguration
      Lindsay Lohan gets more work
      Clint Eastwood Talks to Chairs goes on the road
      Jenna Jameson
      Donald Trump

      Double-check that scorecard.

  4. Oh great. Now we know what a 10 year old thinks about contemporary American politics. Color us enlightened.

    When does her autobiography come out? Should be any day now, right?

    • My bad. She’s SEVEN. (Like that’s better) She’s only the size of a 10 year old.

      But my autobiography comment stands.

    • Bianca

      Chapter 1: ‘Sketti.

      I like ‘Sketti. It tastes good.

      Chapter 2: Cheese Balls.

      I like cheese balls. They tastes even gooder.

      Chapter 3: How to Be Beautimous.

      Eat ‘sketti and cheese balls.

      The End.

      • Doctor Botanus

        Please marry me.

      • Its Stuff like this thats makes the US look even worse in the eyes of the world.

      • Fuck me, because here I thought it was shit like our demonstrable illiteracy rate.

      • NynjaSquirrel

        Astonishing isn’t it, just 4 years ago, the US couldn’t have looked worse to the rest of the world. Then your profile improved, but that seems like it was just a blip, I read about President Mitten’s ideas for Planned Parenthood and keeping wimmin where they belong (in the kitchen popping out babies), and it scares the shit out of the rest of us.

      • NynjaSquirrel

        You were too kind, I thought it would be:

        Ahh likes Sketti, it dun tastes real guhd.

  5. Kodos

    If this influences your vote, we need to bring back competency tests for the privilege of voting…

    ..seriously, bring back some celebrity bikini shots and never show this little troglodyte again.

  6. “her cross-dressing male pig”

    Wait, you mean the mom?

  7. How did they do that thing in the banner pic where you see the Ghost of Honey Boo Boo Yet to Come right next to her?

  8. Oh Jesus I’m tired of everyone freaking out about this girl. Who gives two shits that she has a tv show without a talent… welcome to everyone else in this world. I don’t watch the show because I fucking hate rednecks, but shit, they deserve a hero too. I think this is actually good for obama- she’s like the redneck jesus.

    • Didn’t I see something in one of their promos where they object, “We’re not rednecks! We have all our teeth!” (I point out that it was in the promo because I do not want anyone to get the impression that I watch this thing. Is it my fault that I watch one show on TLC?)

    • will

      Amen.

  9. Jack Ketch

    Gawd, even Jimmy Kimmel is grossed out and trying hard to hide it.

  10. Mateo

    Fat pig needs to stop feeding her kid so much candy.

  11. Can someone help me out here? Having a hard time understanding her vocalizationings. At 1:57, does she yell “you better rebaconize”?

    • NynjaSquirrel

      Apparently this butchery of American-English is ‘cute’. But then again I’m English, so how the F this is cute is waaaay beyond me.

    • Mel

      She says “you better redneck-ognize!”

      It’s her catchphrase,
      Please don’t ask why I know this.

  12. grobpilot

    It’s great when “The Soup” refers to her mother as “the human thumb”. Take a good look (if you dare) and you will see the resemblance.

  13. it had to be said

    Jimmy Kimmel interviewing these people . . . after having had sex with Sarah Silverman. That guy must have been Adolph Hitler in a past life.

  14. Mike

    I would rather watch the honey boo boo show over Kartrashians anyday.

  15. AndyDufresne

    IF: America likes watching train wrecks.
    THEN: Obama will be President forever.

    • Guess he is going to be President as long as he supports trash like them, BEFORE they get a show on the LOSER CHANNEL

      • Let me explain a little something here, slowboat – just because they support him does not mean it’s reciprocated, or that he actively endorses them in any way. See, every candidate has supporters they’re ashamed of in one way or another – and unfortunately, they’re either somehow disqualified from voting in the first place, or moronic enough that they forget, so there isn’t even a viable payoff to offset the embarassment and turnoff factor.

        Or do you seriously imagine that Romney is now planning to go partying with Lindsay Lohan on his arm in order to openly secure the drunken and drugged-out felony skank vote?

      • Miranda Veracruz De La Hoya Cardenal

        I agree with everything you’ve said here… except for the part about Romney– he has binders full of women.

      • jo

        Its what you get when obama drags a $30 bill though a trailer park!

  16. Honestly, if you’ve ever watched an episode of “Piglet and the Human Thumb” you really are part of the problem.

  17. Mumra

    There is one thing Boo Boo and Lohan have in common. Neither one is registered to vote.

  18. Archie Leach

    Who the fuck is honey boo boo?

  19. Joaquin ingles

    Got about halfway through a youtube clip to see wtf this is. Can we use drone strikes against Tennessee or wherever this shit is oozing from?

  20. rican

    That cute baby fat has a shelf life of about 5 years.

  21. edod

    endorsements only count if that person can vote. Please Superficial, stop writing about Honey blech barf. This page used to be about female celebrities and nudity. You’ve changed for the worse Superficial. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  22. From the Conservative perspective, I’ll acknowledge this is meaningless if you guys will acknowledge the Lohan things was as well.

    And, amazingly, I think this may be the one example conceivable in terms of those involved where I am being the generous one.

  23. Natalie

    Long time reader, first time commenter just to say: bravo. This entire post had me in absolute hysterics. Love your writing!

  24. effin A

    The mentality of the typical Obama supporter, crystallized

  25. Im sorry but this kid needs help…

    • If by “help” you mean “to be taken away from her exploitative shitheel parents,” yes…she needs help.

      • NynjaSquirrel

        Given the DNA and the abundance of corn syrup flowing through her veins, there’s nothing that can be done. 5 more years and she’ll be squeezing out her own pageant queens.

  26. I miss the blissful times of 4 weeks ago when I didn’t know who the fuck this family was.

  27. Carolyn

    god but she’s an ugly little shit.

  28. In 3 more weeks Obama will lose by a landslide. This ongoing liberal sex fantasy for an American fascist utopia is ending. Deal with it.

  29. I really need to stop making fun of black people and their free Obama phone mentalities because these two southern pieces of white trash really make me ashamed to be white.

    While the worst of the black people are doing fine killing each other and should be left alone to complete the task we need some ovens to kill folks like these and all their kin. Shame is not in their vocabulary. Horrible.

  30. Sliver

    Vajiggle? Is that like a jiggling vagina? Um..I am a little confused here.

  31. as embarrassing as her success is, i’d sooner deal with 10 minutes of honey boo boo than 10 seconds of the kartrashians.

  32. Peenice

    She’s getting fatter and fatter. If her heart gives out America might have to accept the fact that diabetes isn’t cute.

  33. SIN

    Freeloaders for Obama. What’s new there/

  34. JLUC

    Arugula lattes. Nailed it.

  35. Craptard

    Sadly, someone, somewhere, has website with a countdown clock to when Honey Boo Boo will be legal. 10 years, 3 months, 11 days, 2 hours and 15 minutes!!!

  36. anonym

    If you were sentenced for a crime, would you rather shoot yourself, or be forced to watch Honey booboo reruns all day ?

  37. Honey Boo Boo, all love and eat more sprouts….

  38. Alexis84

    wow, seriously? your hating on a 7-year old girl? you should be ashamed of yourself! just think how embarassing you were at that age. if she hasn’t changed by age 18 go for it but at this age…. all this hate is what’s wrong with america.

  39. Acemeister

    What an ugly little kid. And stupid too! At least her momma is eating most the food to prevent childhood obesity…

  40. Rhonda Mae

    The program is just a parody on trailer trash that people like to watch so they can feel better about themselves. A lot of it is staged and rehersed, I’m sure, and the bottom line is that it is making money..

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