The yin to Lindsay Lohan’s yang, Hilary Duff, reportedly showed up to the Krieger chronograph company’s showcase in Miami a few days ago where, according to one of Page Six‘s ambiguous and every-watchful spies, “she had her eye on a Krieger Gigantium valued at $15,000. After trying on the watches, including a $20,000 model, tempers flared when they realized they could not have those particular items for free. The scene became mayhem.” Luckily, Krieger Watch president Lance Burstyn gave Duff a $4,500 watch to shut her up before she got all winded and passed out like the fat daughter on that episode of “Full House” where she became anorexic for, like, a week and almost died.
Okay. Wait, no. So, all right, what? We hate Hilary Duff now, but we like Lindsay Lohan, right? Let me just mark that up on my score card. I’m sorry, it’s just so hard to keep track of which one is currently repugnant and which one is hot (oh, and marginally tolerable). Here’s what I have so far:
First Lohan is a chesty up-and-comer whose movies are well accepted by critics and audiences alike, and Duff is the personification of a half-empty cereal box, both physically and emotionally. Then Lohan becomes a terminally gaunt drunkard, and suddenly Duff isn’t looking too bad with her cute smile and her naive charm and, hey, I like cereal boxes, especially when they have those fun little mazes on the back. But then Lohan puts some weight back on and stops acting so spacey, thus reclaiming her “chesty up-and-comer” title. Meanwhile, Duff is starving herself to the point where she looks like Mr. Ed’s skeleton with jellybean halves grafted onto the chest, and has somehow developed a gross sense of entitlement as a result.
And… that’s where we’re at right now, right? We hate Hilary? Great. Gotcha.