Hilary. Duff. Is. SINGLE.

Girl, are we in Yellowstone Park? Because my pants are Old Faithful right now. ZATARAINS! *rockets out of Hilary Duff’s trash cans into the stratosphere* Gossip Cop reports:

Duff and Walsh called it quits last week, we’ve learned. Thankfully, there are no hard feelings between the two and they parted ways amicably. They’re “definitely good,” our source says about the breakup.

Considering Hilary Duff and Jason Walsh were in Mexico two weeks ago, it’s obvious she was grossed out by his muscular, athletic body full of rugged manliness. So I’d just like her to know that’s not going to be an issue with me. I’ll be the pale, soft bitch she’s been waiting her whole life for. I’m your doormat, Hilary Duff. I’m your doormat…

Is she running to me yet? Or should I turn the volume up? The acoustics in these bushes are terrible…

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Tags: Hilary Duff