Heidi & Spencer are Releasing a Sex Tape

August 20th, 2010 // 226 Comments

Exactly like they announced their divorce on a late Friday afternoon, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt bring you “The Pretend Spencer is Hocking a Sex Tape Without Heidi’s Consent Even Though Everyone Knows How These Deals Work By Now” news story everyone saw coming a mile away. After Heidi’s balloon-tits. TMZ reports:

Vivid honcho Steven Hirsch tells us, “I just got off the phone with Spencer Pratt about a sex tape with Heidi Montag.”
He continues, “We are in early negotiations to possibly come to terms for a deal.”
Spencer has told a friend that the alleged tape “makes Kim Kardashian look like an amateur.”

I hope Vivid enjoys ten minutes of Spencer banging a mannequin while covering his mouth and talking in a falsetto voice because that’s exactly what they’re about to get. Although to his credit, there’s absolutely no way anyone will be able to tell the difference. The kid’s sharp, I’ll give him that.

VIVID EXEC #1: I don’t know, man. I mean, what do you think?
VIVID EXEC #2: It’s impossible to tell. No, wait, her head fell off.
VIVID EXEC #1: And?
VIVID EXEC #2: …. Good point.

Photos: Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. mfb

    any red blooded american male would bang her…..

  2. Heidi Montag
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    call me sick, but I’d love to see her taking a cock. Those tits must look great mid-coitus.

  3. Mika Mayhem

    now all those surgeries are making since

  4. Sobrietyisacrutch

    I say this two things without any shame or regret whatsoever:
    1.) I will watch this sex tape.
    2.) I want Fish’s babies.

  5. Heidi Montag
    JOffrey
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks old, far older then she should

  6. Savalas

    So it’s a film of a monkey fucking a plastic blow-up doll. I think I saw one of those at the frat house in college

  7. TattooOfBlood

    Heidi: “Oh yeah, I want you inside me”
    Spencer: “Ummm, I thought that was my line”
    Director: “STUNT COCK!”

  8. Typical

    OK fuck you guys. You call us things like “slanty-eyed bastard”, riceball, gook, chink, monkey-face, little bow-legged freak, Mr. Wang, dumbass, bowlcut, shorty, small-dick, kimchee-breath, bad driver, sucky sucky, etc

    Truth is we are the superior race of the planet, and you know. Damn you, shut up, stop making fun of us

    • Me

      When Taiwan kicks or has the ability to Mainland China’s ass in a dogfight you can talk about your superiority. Oh and do it without Amercan protection. Until then STFU.

    • WAIT!

      you forgot concubine (your mother will be mad you din’t remember her)
      how much does she charge for happy endings now?…she love long time…..hiiiii yaaaaa -_-

    • It's Chou Time

      Taiwan cannot kick China’s ass but is the same race you dumb white trash moron. We Orientals fell behind you white devils for a while but don’t worry, we will surpass you soon enough. You have sent all of your jobs to us and we don’t waste our time like you inferior pigs do with drinking and drugging and listening to primitive monkey music.
      You have more than met your match with us. Stay tuned it’s coming your way.

  9. captain america

    tell me: HER VAGINA HAD A “LIP-JOB”, folks?

  10. Untypical

    @Typical – just because you’ve been called things like “slanty-eyed bastard”, riceball, gook, chink, monkey-face, little bow-legged freak, Mr. Wang, dumbass, bowlcut, shorty, small-dick, kimchee-breath, bad driver, sucky sucky, etc., don’t take it out on us.

    Go punish your blow-up doll. Don’t get mad when she says “Is it in yet?”

  11. Burt

    Could it be that the divorce and Spencer’s seemingly erratic behavior are all part of an elaborate plan to release the video in order to increase Heidi’s popularity without tarnishing her image? After all, she would have to sign a release, wouldn’t she?

  12. HoBABES

    bring on the sex tape

  13. Heidi Montag
    Mandy
    Commented on this photo:

    I TOTALLY would not be shocked if the movie comes complete with lighting, extras and the cheesy music. Just like all of their so called candid shots were staged, this movie was scripted and in the works for a loooong time!

  14. LJ

    Back to the theme of this comment thread:

    The thought of seeing Spencer naked makes me throw up a little.

    Heidi…well she just spent some serious cash to look like a porn star…..so this is just follow up on her investment.

  15. Heidi Montag
    Obvious
    Commented on this photo:

    Girls that indulge in that much cosmetic surgery have mental issues.

  16. Heidi Montag
    vv
    Commented on this photo:

    great legs!

  17. Heidi Montag
    Jester
    Commented on this photo:

    OMFG I can”t wait. I don;t give a shit what your D-Bags think of Heidi, this girl is HOT HOT HOT. I knew porn was next, I knew it. I guarantee you this chick doesn’t have meat curtains like Shauna, Drops pants around ankles in preparation………………………….

  18. Heidi Montag
    Commented on this photo:

    I dunno. She’s a little skinny (and air-headed) for my taste, but gawd-DAMN she’s got some SWEET upper legs on her. And that ASS…whew…

  19. Heidi Montag
    Marcus
    Commented on this photo:

    I want to see Heidi naked.. Wonder if her boobs move at all and does she bleach her crotch..? These are the questions I think can be answered while viewing the video.

  20. Heidi Montag
    Titsmcgee
    Commented on this photo:

    Frist- More cowbell

  21. ddfsds

    i hope heidi didnt shell out a ton of money for that nightie..i bought one just like it back in high school at JCPenney

  22. MXOG

    you look like a man heidi.
    in a bad way.
    im a girl and you were pretty damn hot and im straight. so no you’re a man.

  23. Rhialto

    Releasing a sex tape? Is the sex tape caged or something!?

  24. Nero

    Sex tape? Yourself with a flesh light doesn’t count!

  25. Gando

    Heidi Montag in bikini popping a ripe pimple videotaped?

  26. Darth

    I’m still convinced that Heidi Montag is still a virgin.Except at one spot ofcourse.

  27. StEvec

    The boy with the Cabbage Patch face screwing Barbie………..

  28. Audrey Jo

    Eewwww…! Man, Id rather watch my parents.

  29. of course they are making (or made) a tape. that is the thing to do. they have already marketed and sold all other parts of their lives this is the last hold out. crazy

  30. Audrey Jo

    Again, I say: I´d reather see my parents doing the stuff.

  31. cc

    Agree with the general consensus…a sex tape with Pratt in it is about as arousing as a Goldbond commercial.

  32. Jessesgirl

    I’d fuck my own brother before I fucked Spencer Pratt.

  33. Heidi Montag
    Jessesgirl
    Commented on this photo:

    neiiiigh!

  34. Heidi Montag
    K
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like Ivan Draggo from Rocky. I will break you

  35. Starmaker

    Are they gonna show us how her body parts are getting united in one piece?

  36. Heidi Montag
    Commented on this photo:

    Heidi has done so much cosmetic work, at such great expense it would be a shame to let all that go to waste. I’d drill my schlong into those engorged fish lips of hers until I heard her gag reaction. I’d flip her over and then pound my schlong into her dirt tunnel, ( I hear from good authority that Heidi likes it up the poopchute… ). The only problem is, she is so plastic, it would be like bouncing on a Suzy Blow-up doll with three avaliable orifices. I would still ream all three of her mosit wet openings until she lay there gaspng and whimpering. Heidi, call me. You’ll enjoy it.

  37. Reg

    I bet they do not even get naked in it. I bet most of it is from the shoulders up with some occasional side boob.

  38. Heidi Montag
    mcfeely smackup
    Commented on this photo:

    Sure, Heidi looks like a plastic barbi doll, but I’d still like to watch her get boned. However, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to see Spencer naked, even as the cost of entry to see Heidi. It’s all wrong.

  39. Heidi Montag
    Mama Pinkus
    Commented on this photo:

    Tip for you, Heidi honey – it ain’t sexy when you have to TRY so hard.

  40. dgsmith

    Its just going to be Spencer whacking off while wearing a blonde wig and with ‘Heidi’ written on his hand. And possibly a crystal in the other hand as a tryst.

  41. Monty

    2 words: reverse cowgirl

  42. K

    what the hell is going on on this website? where did all these asian freaks come from LOL

  43. Heidi Montag
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ll download it.

  44. shilla

    lol…it was only a matter of time.

  45. If I see this “sex tape” My lower extremities will be churning from the fruit loops I had, that’s pretty bad if Heidi and Hamster ass Spencer put this video out.

  46. Heidi Montag
    Ned
    Commented on this photo:

    She is such a pig. If she was naked on her knees in front of me, I wouldn’t let her…

  47. Heidi Montag
    Lissa
    Commented on this photo:

    I feel so sorry for this girl. She was so very pretty before this surgery, I even thought she was prettier than Lauren. Now, so very hideous. Huge jawline , cheekbones like a 24 year old quarterback. She looks like a fricken man with balloons on her chest. The pathetic thing is, I think she had insecurities prior to Spencer, but I think he convinced her she wasn’t good enough..and she listened to a total obvious meth head. Really pathetic, she can’t take it back, and I feel for her.

  48. Typical

    I sow sowwy…I’ weetawrted…pwease fowgive mwe?

  49. Heidi Montag
    Agatha
    Commented on this photo:

    Jeezzzz….

    she should audition for the role of lurch in Adam’s Family!
    Boring…. You rang?

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