Heidi Klum Got Sunburn On Her Butt, Wants You To Look At It

Heidi Klum spent the weekend in the Bahamas where she apparently burnt her ass tanning which is amazing because I could’ve sworn Gwyneth Paltrow just said the sun’s our natural friend who could never hurt us. In fact, I bet that’s not even sunburn at all. That’s a moonburn! How much is that cratered bastard paying you to spread his lies? *punches Heidi’s butt* WHERE IS HE?! WHERE’S THE TRIGGER?! *punches again* HE HAS TO HAVE FRIENDS! (Why am I writing a post where I punch Heidi Klum’s ass while talking like Batman? This can’t be healthy.) I’LL STAND BETWEEN YOU AND GOTHAM. *puts on lipstick*

Photos: Instagram / Pacific Coast News