So Heidi Klum’s A Bionic Nazi Superwoman, There’s No Denying It Anymore

April 4th, 2013 // 61 Comments

Earlier in the week, I made light of Heidi Klum claiming she “rescued” her son from drowning in the ocean, arrogantly thinking she embellished picking the kid up after a wave knocked him over. Then I saw these photos and JESUS CHRIST. Turns out Heidi Klum not only legitimately rescued her son and his nanny from a crazy riptide, but basically bent the goddamn ocean to her will. Once you stop looking at her nipples, you can practically hear her screaming, “Scheisse! Ich bin das Fuhrer!” into Poseidon’s face. We’re all gonna die.

Photos: AKM-GSI

superficial

  1. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Sam
    Commented on this photo:

    Mama bear activate! She definitely gained points in my book!

  2. that old bird could give me mouth to dick, but only if I almost just drowned.

  3. Tiggles

    Her son’s near-death is our nipple fun! Its the circle of life!

  4. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    erica
    Commented on this photo:

    That… doesn’t look like Heidi Klum.

  5. Cock Dr

    For those of you who are understandably confused it is the the dragger here that’s Heidi Klum…not the dragged.

  6. Maybe it’s a sign that I’m a blatant racist, but that nanny is… paler… than I expected.

  7. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Lindso
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Dina Lohan is trying to fuck up someone else’s kid as well.

  8. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    No little bikini top can stand against the wrath of ocean waves.
    Well done Heidi on all counts.

  9. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Alice Pooper
    Commented on this photo:

    GODDESS!!

  10. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn you Heidi and you boobie slip. I wanted all of the world to proclaim,”Bruce Jenner ist tot!”
    You silly MILF!

  11. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Commented on this photo:

    In my imagination this is what Nicole Eggert was supposed to look like as she aged, not like the beached seal we see in Splash.

  12. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    JasonB
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it me, or does it seem like Nick Nolte is everywhere!

  13. mommyof2

    Nice of the photographer to put the camera down and help.

  14. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Commented on this photo:

    The question is, would she have dived into the raging surf to save her child if he hadn’t been wearing her $500 Gucci sunglasses.

  15. If a Kardashian kid was drowning, Kris would rush to make a phone call to see which pap would bid highest for the death photo op.

  16. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    todd
    Commented on this photo:

    Lovely of the photographers to lend a hand.

  17. Lemmiwinks

    Good on Heidi, she’s awesome. She even wrote a letter of recommendation to help the nanny find another job.

  18. Seal

    I’m totally okay with the fact that I traded Super-woman for my antique cameras, my hot sexy goddamn fucking antique cameras..

  19. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Saul Norris
    Commented on this photo:

    I think you meant to say: Heidi Klum Rescues Her Family From A Niptide In Hawaii

  20. JC

    Shouldn’t it be “die Fuhrer,” since she’s a woman?

    I am LITERALLY the Grammar Nazi!

  21. crisistina

    I have to say that the german bit had me LOLing in the middle of my office.. awesome fish, thumbs up!

  22. Dick Hell

    On the plus side, she saved a couple lives. On the negative side she’ll never be able to go to a beach again without guys like me drowning nearby.

  23. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    TheGhost
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, she’s got some of those big ol’ eraser nips. If she save me, I’d try to suckle at her tit while she was pulling me back in

  24. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    The best part is that’s her “bodyguard” rolling around in the surf helpless in the foreground there.

  25. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    This is a perfect shot for one of those motivational posters-

    “Decisions”
    “Rescue son with both arms, or try saving the sunglasses?”

  26. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    SPIDEY
    Commented on this photo:

    a real super woman will let you nurse on her nipple as she rescues her nanny

  27. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    judgingyou
    Commented on this photo:

    “Shit! Heidi, help me too!!!”

  28. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Beer Baron
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s her son? Why does (s)he look like a mid 30s butch lesbian?

  29. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    Well he sure doesn’t swim like a Seal.

  30. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    German Baywatch is way better than ours.

  31. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey, there’s somebody over there with a camera that hasn’t seen your tit or asscrack!”

    “Gottago!”

  32. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    ozmosis
    Commented on this photo:

    Staged for publicity.

    • Axerty

      yeah because you totally want to show off your nipples for publicity.

    • hehe

      staged for what? she’s always working, always in the media, she’s always in magazines. we’re not talking about pra-tt and mon-tag or pat-ridge or jer-sey sh-ore, or karda-sh-ian losers and has been’s here. klum doesn’t need to do stage this, photographers follower her without being paid by her.

  33. BSName

    Yea sure, go ahead and slap the Nazi label on her. Germans are there for the rest of us to make Nazi & Holocaust jokes about “The last time a German looked this hot was when they were pushing Jews into the ovens”. The German woman saving these people from the riptide was born 28 years after the end of WWII. I dont know anything about the guy who sat on his ass the whole time taking pictures of this lifes struggle.

  34. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Mr. Sensitive
    Commented on this photo:

    So THAT’S why Seal left her…

  35. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Commented on this photo:

    That woman wasted her prime happy ending years on that ass wipe Seal.

  36. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    jep
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow… her ass is eating her back.

  37. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    Not Without My Sunglasses.

  38. I kinda think it’s in bad taste (to say the least) to publish these photos at what was obviously a hectic and scary time for them.

  39. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Throb the Wonder Mule
    Commented on this photo:

    Good for her and her nipples ! ! Great Mom !

  40. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    There was one casualty…

  41. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    barristanthebold
    Commented on this photo:

    Who the fuck was taking pictures instead of helping them??

  42. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Commented on this photo:

    “Come with me if you want to live!”

  43. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    NervisRex
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that her son or the help?

  44. van

    “Scheisse, ich bin DER ..”
    Wenn schon deutsch, dann richtig.

  45. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Yolo
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like McGuyver in a tank top

  46. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Dick Nuggets
    Commented on this photo:

    Pretty damn hot & tasty to me considering that ass will be 40 in a few months! Only asses still in this great of shape are usually about 23 or younger….

  47. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Allion
    Commented on this photo:

    She must have been terrified.

  48. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Commented on this photo:

    German Arse

  49. Heidi Klum Bikini Nipple Beach Rescue Riptide Hawaii
    Donna
    Commented on this photo:

    Really tacky TMZ on the last photo which you just showed so folks could view her Azz when all she was concerned with was taking care of her family and looks exhausted from doing so.

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