Heather Locklear’s publicist announced yesterday that she and Richie Sambora have filed for divorce after 11 years of marriage, saying, “This is a private matter and there will be no further comment at this time.”
It wouldn’t be a terrible idea if Heather Locklear and Jessica Simpson got together and started up a divorce support group. Not one of those ‘sitting around in circles sharing their feelings’ type of things, but more along the lines of lying in bed naked making out and giving each other oiled massages. And then to really get to the root of their emotional hurt they could call me in for some outside assistance. I’d show up at the door, see their naked bodies oiled up and making out, and then my penis would explode. And that’s pretty much the end of the story because I’d probably be dead, laying at their doorsteps with a smile on my face and blood pouring out of my crotch.