Heather Locklear divorces Richie Sambora

February 3rd, 2006 // 30 Comments

hlocklear-divorce.jpgHeather Locklear’s publicist announced yesterday that she and Richie Sambora have filed for divorce after 11 years of marriage, saying, “This is a private matter and there will be no further comment at this time.”

It wouldn’t be a terrible idea if Heather Locklear and Jessica Simpson got together and started up a divorce support group. Not one of those ‘sitting around in circles sharing their feelings’ type of things, but more along the lines of lying in bed naked making out and giving each other oiled massages. And then to really get to the root of their emotional hurt they could call me in for some outside assistance. I’d show up at the door, see their naked bodies oiled up and making out, and then my penis would explode. And that’s pretty much the end of the story because I’d probably be dead, laying at their doorsteps with a smile on my face and blood pouring out of my crotch.

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superficial

  1. LaydeeBug

    OMG, I can’t believe I STILL have a crush on Richie Sambora. Heather, well, I’ve nothing bad to say about her. Sorry, wish I did. Well maybe this, “Stop getting married!”

  2. fame is funny

    they forgot the second rule of hair club…don’t marry someone with better hair than you…they just couldn’t figure out which one it was…

    plus im sure richie was tired of being the girl in the relationship…getting it from behind all the time…

  3. mikeski

    That’d work out okay for me, though, ’cause I’d be right there to help them get over the trauma of witnessing your death.

    Of course, by “help them get over the trauma” I mean “be the deliriously happy filling in maybe the hottest sex sandwich in recorded history”.

  4. CheekyChops

    Wow. Surprised at this. I’m guessing he cheated on her with some transvestite midget or a monkey.

  5. fame is funny

    it’s ok…he’s a cowboy…on a steel horse he rides…

    she was just tired of his brokeback mountain obsession i’m guessing…

  6. The Devil

    LMAO, “…and then my penis would explode.” Thanks for the laughs, I needed that!

  7. SMF121490

    Which bad boy rocker do you think Heather will bag next?

  8. Geno

    After all these years, Heather still looks great. This wasn’t an annoying couple. I like both of them.

  9. gossipmonger

    Tommy Lee is single again too, right? How about him and Pam Anderson mudwrestle for him?

  10. ESQ

    Who is wearing more make-up he or she? I am glad to see she hasn’t hit the wall. Note to Heather: Step away from the rockers, it isn’t workin’.

  11. HughJorganthethird

    “laying at their doorsteps with a smile on my face and blood pouring out of my crotch.”

    If I had a penny for every time this has happened to me…

  12. hafaball

    hehe ESQ…

    Well, since I don’t find jessica simpson too attractive, and heather is pretty much a granny now, I can;t see that same scenario happening…replace them with Monica Bellucci and Salma hayek though…

  13. Sheva

    Well good luck to Richie. He’s a good guitar player.
    Sorry for the daughter though.

  14. Heather looks simply marvelous. She hasn’t really been an attention whore in hollywood. She is like Tom Hanks and keeps her shit locked up tight.

    Richie is getting old but he’ll get laid until he dies. I will say they both look warn out. I mean like, tired warn out.

  15. LoneWolf

    I like Heather. She’s still hot, and she has enough class (or intelligence) to know that she’s too old to be doing nude scenes or getting her pic taken with her boobs falling out, unlike some of her contemporaries.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with nude scenes or boobs falling out. Hmmmm, maybe I’d better rethink my position…..

  16. Captain Awesome

    “Heather looks simply marvelous. She hasn’t really been an attention whore in hollywood. She is like Tom Hanks and keeps her shit locked up tight.”

    haha what?! You’re comparing this rockstar leech to Tom Hanks?

    Christ, atleast if you’re going to praise this museum of plastic surgery do it on the fact she’s had more semen thrown at her than an 18 year old’s hair.

  17. sqongo

    Yeah but Heather is a……she alway’s…….damn,can’t say anything bad about her,i love her,oh yeah her hubby is gay!!

  18. MystressJade

    I’d hit that…again and again…

  19. You know what’s weird?

    These old celebrities have the faces of 18 year olds but their hands are all wrinkly. You’d think they’d have “hand lifts” or something to go with their botox and face lifts.

  20. Kelly

    Aww that’s too bad. I can see Adam Levine trying to hit that.

  21. DrDanny

    She’s very attractive, but she wears too much paint. Same for him, I guess.
    Heather actually looks better now than she did in her 20s, IMO. Same for him, I guess.

  22. I think Heather is great. But I still don’t envy her the pain of getting “Richie” lasered off her coochie. Maybe after Madonna and Guy divorce Heather and Guy can hookup and she can add a “T”. Kind of like how Johnny changed Wynona Forever into Wino forever”.

  23. tori

    aww that’s kinda disappointing. they seemed really nice together.

  24. Tania

    She just wants to go out and whore around with her newly single BFF Denise Richards.

  25. BadGoat

    Mr. Superficial needs himself a girlfriend.

  26. mrsthayer

    Irreconcilable Differences = We cannot agree who has better hair.

  27. mary

    mrsthayer, that seriously must be it!
    What else could it be?

    I’m actually surprised by this…I guess gorgeous people can’t stay together just for the sake of having amazing hair..and being beautiful.

  28. Keefer

    I’ve always liked Heather. Especially on Melrose Place. She was a total bitch and I loved it. They should get her on Desperate Housewives. She can be Susan’s eating disorder therpapist.

  29. sosweetsafiya

    Heather has class. She knows how to dress to look sexy and classy at the same time, something the 2nd Mrs. Lee don’t know how to pull off, problably because she just doesn’t have any class.

    I think her and Pam are in competion on how can sleep with the most rock stars.

    The next rock star will be a blond.

  30. robbase

    to one and all!whats with the sterotyping all women deserve better “like all other mexican girl,taste like taco” your entitled your opinion no matter how full of it you are!better tacos than the brittany effect. lets compare non latino top stars brittany,paris,lindsay scandalous. Then theres eva longoria,shakira,j-lo,eva mendes nothin but class. so since you dont like taco stick with your german sausage.

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