Hayden Panettiere’s Experiment With Normal Sized Penis is Over

December 11th, 2012 // 31 Comments
Hayden And The Beanstalk
Hayden Panettiere
The Beanstalk Is Giant Penis. In Case That Wasn't Clear. Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Hayden Panettiere thought she would be just fine bouncing from Wladimir Klitschko to Scotty McKnight. But now that’s ended as well and I’d like to just say, I saw this coming. TMZ:

Sources tell us … the two broke up a couple of weeks ago … but it wasn’t a nasty breakup. We’re told the two are still “really good friends.”

First of all, Wladimir Klitschko is a goddamn giant, heavyweight boxing champ, and avid kite-surfer, so it’s safe to assume his penis is roughly the size of Delaware. Scotty Mcknight plays for the Jets, but his name makes me think of a Mouseketeer. Exactly how was this relationship supposed to work? Or was Scotty just using Hayden’s almost assuredly destroyed netherland as a catching net this whole time? (Before you’re all, “Uh, duh, he’s a fucking wide receiver!!!” 1.] Welcome to The Superficial, we make shit up. 2.] He fantasizes about torturing and killing people, so I don’t give a shit.) The real lesson here, however, is for you ladies. You want to go all crazy with the huge dongs, huh? Look at Hayden, she’s ruined. Who could do anything with that now? Jon Hamm could and did in a dream I had, then sketched into my diary Nobody. So just be happy with the normal to slightly undersized penises that are readily available. Are you taking notes? Nevermind, here, I wrote it all down on the back of this map to my house.

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Getty

superficial

  1. leah

    Her vagina must look like the grand canyon by now, all gaping and hallow allthose monster dicks would have no doubt left their mark :(

  2. Tastes great… but less filling.

  3. Hayden Panettiere Cleavage Single
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Awww, she’s just about ready to take on Shirley Temple’s titular role in a remake of “Curly Top”. C’mon, tiny Hayden, sing it: “Animal crackers in my soup, monkeys and rabbits loop the loop . . “.

  4. I would take her. I’m black, 6′ 4″ and almost 200 pounds. I’ll give her exactly what she needs.

  5. If it’s not tapping her tonsils from the inside she isn’t down.

  6. Hayden Panettiere Cleavage Single
    Margaret
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve come to this planet looking for a wig that fits!

  7. Hayden Panettiere Cleavage Single
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve always wanted to hit this magic little elf, but the middle-aged Texas housewife look isn’t really working for me.

  8. I think when I grow up I want to be her boyfriend. And if her vagina is too stretched out, then what the hell, I’ll fuck her with my leg.

  9. Hayden Panettiere Cleavage Single
    bored
    Commented on this photo:

    She sure went from cheerleader look-a-like to porpoise faced ho to grandma really quickly.

  10. tom

    is she posing for the next walmart catalog?

  11. After getting railed by a huge Russian, I’m sure it’s going to be a tough act to follow.

  12. ace11

    MIlo broke in her goods

    everybody else afte plays second fiddle

  13. vandinz

    Her twat must be like a donkey’s yawn.

  14. Hayden Panettiere Cleavage Single
    Bahaha
    Commented on this photo:

    Still not quite tall enough to ride.

  15. Devilish Diva

    As a woman, let me ring in here. A woman can get with as much super-sized cock but, as long as she does her Kegels religiously, she can be as tight as a teenager.

  16. Hayden Panettiere Cleavage Single
    Bionic_Crouton
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yes,I was sleeping with Wladimir Klitschko, but then I remembered I’m Hayden Panettiere,”

  17. Hayden Panettiere Cleavage Single
    Anderson Pooper
    Commented on this photo:

    Meh. It’s like flipping through a Sears catalog.

  18. Toolboy

    ” I remember Vladimir fondly” wrote Hayden in her 2026 autobiography entitled “A Hobbit’s Loves and Her Subsequently Ruined VaJayJay”.
    – “Vladimir was a true gentleman, a real live gentle giant if you will. When we started dating, he would open doors for me, take me to dinner and listen to how my day went and really listen, you know? Not phone it in like some other guys that I dated prior to the Champ. Things were not rosey all the time, though…it was on one of these magical first dates, during a slow dance on the floor (he loved to dance!) that I was first introduced to his cock. I’ll never forget it. His cock looked my vajayjay straight in the pee hole and said: “I MUST BREAK YOU”. Vladimir apologized profusely for it’s indiscretion, but this, sadly, was only a foreshadowing of things to come. No pun intended.”

  19. Hayden Panettiere Cleavage Single
    sweetlips
    Commented on this photo:

    Not sure what’s more ridiculous – the lame wrist tattoo or the hideous styling.

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