Hayden Panettiere Loves Giant Penis So Much She’s Marrying It (Not A Jon Hamm Post)
Presumably to make Scotty McKnight feel like he has the smallest penis in the world, Hayden Panettiere not only ran back to Wladimir Klitschko but is now secretly engaged to him, according to Us Weekly:
Hayden Panettiere and boxer Wladimir Klitschko are going the distance during round 2! The Nashville star, who reconciled with her Ukrainian boyfriend in January, is now planning their wedding, a source tells Us Weekly.
“Very few people know, and she isn’t wearing her ring publicly yet,” adds the friend of the duo, who first parted ways in May 2011 after two years of dating.
So basically Wladimir Klitschko’s penis is so gigantic Hayden Panettiere wants to lock herself in a never-ending hell with it for the rest of her life. Which raises an interesting question, how is it not knocking down planes? Because, seriously, marriage? Is there an observation deck? I don’t get it.