A Child Has Shed Its Hayden Panettiere Cocoon
Fun Fact: This pic is from August. Four months ago August. She’s dead. She died.
In defiance of the laws of physics, Hayden Panettiere gave birth to a baby girl, Kaya Evdokia, last Tuesday, according to PEOPLE, who spoke very little about Hayden’s current state because housewives don’t want to read about a severed torso with two giant legs sticking out of it walking around Moscow. But don’t worry, the beast’s head-tooth should crack the mother-shell soon. I looked it up. Along with the fastest way to chop down a beanstalk. What? We’re all thinking it.