Halle Berry Prepares for Huge, Beautiful, Ample, Chocolate Custody Battle

February 1st, 2011 // 45 Comments

Halle Berry has apparently dropped out of a movie for the sole purpose of whooping Gabriel Aubry‘s ass in court over custody of their daughter, according to People:

“Halle has serious concerns for her daughter’s well-being while in the care of her father for any extended period of time and is prepared to take all necessary steps to protect her,” the actress’s rep tells PEOPLE.
To clear her schedule for custody litigation, Berry, 44, pulled out of the film New Year’s Eve, set to start filming this week in New York. She’s being replaced by Katherine Heigl.
“She has attempted to resolve these custody issues amicably with her daughter’s father, Gabriel Aubry, directly, but given his lack of cooperation, Halle has no choice but to seek swift judicial intervention,” her rep says.

This news gives credence to reports that Halle has been spying on Gabriel, but I don’t see any way his lawyers are going to let this thing go to court. Think about it: It’ll be a custody battle between an Oscar-winning pair of breasts and a French idiot who stuck his penis in an Armenian ass-mountain of lies. Just typing that sentence has me pulling random kids off the street to give Halle Berry custody of, and possibly pretending my mouse is a gavel while yelling, “These titties are out of order!” I should’ve gone to law school.

Photos: Flynet

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  1. Josephus

    Halle Berry replaced with Katherine Heigl? Martin Luther King is probably rolling over in his grave.

  2. its me fuckers

    ugh! As much as I hate my fuckin ex-husband I would never keep our kids away from him. He is their FATHER and he and his family have every right to be part of their lives.

    I really wish these people would grow the fuck up and raise their daughter together. What ever happened to ‘what is best for the kids’?

    • Satan's bitch

      That was my first thought too. These women make like the dad is so frickin horrible when most of the time they’re just as good a parent as the mom. Bet they get 50-50 custody and Gabriel gets to put his penis in whatever Armenian ass-mountain he chooses to.

    • The kind of woman who would have kids with a dangerous father is obviously a danger to the children herself due to her propensity for bringing dangerous people into her house (vagina). So clearly if she’s telling the truth, neither of them are fit parents.

      But since she’s probably lying, then it’s only her that’s an unfit parent.

  3. RoboZombie

    I’d just like to say, boob boob boobs boobie boob. Boob boobie boooooob! And I might add, BOOB!

    • If you like her boobs, DON’T watch “Monsters Ball”. When unaugmented by hollywood special effects, she’s surprisingly saggy and complete with stretch-marks.

      • RoboZombie

        That wasn’t that bad. And Swordfish…holy crap! I know the $cientolo-freaks got some of my money from that, but it was worth it!

    • IntelligentAsFellasGet

      She looked great in Monster’s Ball, it got her an Oscar didn’t it. Any man that notices a woman past 33 has stretch marks and that gravity is starting to have an effect. Is not into women.

  4. Melissa

    This bitch is BAT SHIT CRAZZZZZY. Look at her track record with men!!! I knew she was gonna screw this guy over. She found the most Arian man she could so she could have the lightest baby she could. She is so crazy she calls herself ‘black’ when it is convenient yet she was raised by her WHITE mom and has never been with anyone darker then light skinned. Halle Berry is a self loathing, overrated, psycho bitch. I feel SO bad for her daughter.

  5. she looks whiter by the post. yeah whitey can’t get enuf of the redbone. it’s a way to raise up the black spirit without it being someone actually black. the first us president (not washington i mean the first one) was a redbone

  6. AppleJam

    I’d let Halle Berry do all sorts of nastiness to me (and vice versa) but, much as i feel about green eggs and ham, I do not like her.

  7. This woman never ages does she? Still looks incredible after all these years. She is bat shit crazy but who in hollywood isn’t a little bit touched?

    • Well I think she’s not so much crazy as a very nasty person. There have been rumours about what a bitch she is, and how difficult to be around, for years. Besides, anybody who hits someone else with a car and never bothers to stop is not okay in my book. She did that, and didn’t even apologize for it.

      • Yeah, I guess claling her crazy isn’t accurate. A giant bitch is more correct. thanks!!! :-)

      • IntelligentAsFellasGet

        Every woman has a bitchy side especially the most successful ones. What I don’t get is how you kow all of these rumors when you aren’t in her circle. Oh I get it, that’s why it’s called a rumor because there’s no actual proof to it. Thanks.

      • Gee, the title of the webpage is THE SUPERFICIAL … It’s ALL ABOUT GOSSIP AND RUMOR YOU TWIT!!!

  8. Cock Dr

    Her titties look very much in order to me.
    Shoulda stayed away from those trashy Kardashians. Now he will pay in the most painful way….more money & less access. Poor judgement indeed.

  9. Lisa

    Halle is control freak! That poor guy could be the perfect father in every way and Halle would still not be able to handle him being with his kid WITHOUT her being there too

  10. Well i guess the kids are not going on no mountain hiking trips.

  11. jojo

    I wouldn’t fuck with her but I would fuck her.

  12. Just goes to show, you can call yourself “black”, but the white-trash genes always comes through.

  13. Mortimer Duke

    Shes giving up cash money in a down economy to fight this dude? Just say you didnt wanna be in a mega flop like New Year’s Eve is sure to be and call it a day already. You dont have to make shit up.

  14. Pina Popper

    She is worried about her daughter’s safety? Wasn’t she the one with the DUI?

  15. Kelley

    Any way should be two words here, Fish :) I’ve heard many times that Halle Berry is a huge bitch on wheels with an ego the size of Cincinnati … no kidding. Dave Justice said once in an interview that he’d never seen a woman “who could throw a fit like THAT.” Ha.

  16. Mashara

    He’s actually canadian. French-canadian, but still. I just point it out because I know the high standars of journalism this site mantains.

  17. Smiley

    Has serious concerns for her daughter’s well being? Translation – still pissed he dumped my bitchy, aging, needy ass and embarassed me in front of the world – and even more pissed now that he’s moving on with his life, no matter how many dudes I screw. I’ve heard for years about her insane jealousy, control tactics and general cunty ‘tude; pisses me off that she thinks fame and money are justification to eradiate the ex from their kid’s life. Big mistake honey…. huge. Little Na Na will thank you later.

  18. Halle Berry
    Ned
    Commented on this photo:

    We’ve seen this story before. The kid will end up eating cheetos for breakfast, lunch and dinner while she’s out blowing the welfare check on malt liquor.

  19. Halle Berry
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s hand’s down the most attractive creature on the planet. I mean, look at this woman.

  20. seth

    I say go for it Halle, that guy was this close to bring her kid around that nasty plastic face whore kim kardashian!

  21. The TRUE “Diary of an Angry Black Woman”..

  22. babooda

    Put gorgeous tits on a pig and you still have a pig! The fact that she has mediocre boobs doesn’t make her any less of a c#@t or b*&#h! And Seth, your an idiot…you have no idea what kind of person Kim K is……it’s Khloe that eats children ! Stick to the facts, man!

    • IntelligentAsFellasGet

      So Halle is a pig with mediocre boobs, I am guessing compared to your girlfriend right? NOT. But Kim K. the porn star deserves more respect? Ok.

  23. babooda

    One other question….Is it just me or does she look like Daniel Craig’s sister by another mother in this picture?

  24. Halle Berry
    Marco
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice headline!

  25. Gentlemen, if you ever see a women coming towards you with this walk and this expression, prepare to get your ass kicked.

  26. I’m sure her trying to resolve this amicably was telling him he would only have supervised visitation with HIS daughter and him telling her to fuck off. Crazy bitch wanted a sperm doner and is pissed he actually wants to be a father.

    Yeah hes stupid and disgusting for sticking his dick in a kardashian but it’s not like he’s introducing all his fuck friends to his daughter for fucks sake. And Halle’s been running around with that whore Oliver Martinez so if thats her problem, she’s a bit of a hypocite

  27. Amy

    This s%it must be serious. She was replaced by Katherine Heigl, white as a pile of airbrushed coke Heigl? This is going to end badly, that bitch is getting capped right after Halle locks her Porsche and wins full custody.

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