Gwyneth Paltrow: ‘Martha Stewart Sees Me As Competition’

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait, she’s actually serious, isn’t she? Us Weekly reports:

“No one has ever said anything bad about me before, so I’m shocked and devastated,” Paltrow said sarcastically. “I’ll try to recover,” she added.
“If I’m really honest, I’m so psyched that she sees us as competition. I’m so psyched. I really am.”

I don’t think Gwyneth Paltrow fully appreciates who she’s messing with here. When Martha Stewart says something like, “She just needs to be quiet,” that’s not coming from a place of fear. That’s coming from a place of you specifically need to shut the fuck up before your shrill, gluten-free words piss her ears off. It’s like swatting at a mosquito if mosquitoes drove Vespas and think they have British accents. Which, again, proves my point that Gwyneth Paltrow would be more tolerable if she simply walked around spreading malaria. How many times are you going to make me keep saying it?

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