Gwyneth Paltrow Gave Her Kids Oreos Now. What The Hell Is Happening?!

April 11th, 2013 // 23 Comments
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Last week, Gwyneth Paltrow shocked the shit out of everyone by defending Kim Kardashian, and now comes word that she fed her children Oreos, the cream and chocolate sandwich cookie of the unwashed masses because, you may not know this about G-Dawg, but she can get quite jiggy with it. Quite jiggy with it indeed. Via E! News:

First of all, Paltrow says, the elimination diet rumor is not true.
“What it is,” she explains, “is that my son [Moses] has very bad eczema and he’s allergic to gluten and he’s allergic to cow dairy. I try at home to make everything gluten-free for him because the difference in his comfort is unbelievable when he’s sticking to what he’s meant to be eating.”

“I don’t know where they get some of this stuff!” Paltrow continues. “They say I don’t give my kids carbs, and I’m feeding them seaweed… I have no idea. But they eat Oreos, too, and they’re normal kids.”

“Just the other day Moses was playing with our albino tiger in the hand-painted crepe menagerie after three of our housekeepers specifically told him not to in Aramaic. We’re just like any other family only imbued with the blue blood of British royalty that I stole from Buckingham Palace and mix in our omelettes. Don’t be hatin’.”

Photos: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. Little Tongue

    First of all, Gwynnie, you’re not allergic to gluten, you’re intolerent to it. Big difference. And if you are (intolerent to gluten) you don’t get to eat Oreos. Ever. I should know (and yes, I’m bitter as fuck about it).

    • Cher X

      Gluten is the “new in thing” to be allergic to. I have friends who ate bread all their life and NOW think they’re allergic.

      • Little Tongue

        And what if it is actually something that does make people sick? Have you thought of it? It is not for the pleasure of it that I keep away from 95% of the foods I used to enjoy. My life has been miserable since I’ve cut gluten from my diet, in some ways, but at least, I am now a healthy miserable individual.

      • erica

        What was ‘unhealthy’ and so unnatural about you before? Feeling a little bit bloated, gassy, and not svelte enough? Someone call 911.

      • Little Tongue

        To sum it all up, I was being investigated for multiple sclerosis, if that gives you a clue. And yes, I was fucking bloated and gassy. Whatever I ate ended up in the toilet looking pretty much the same it did coming in. I’d hate to disapoint you, but I was far from being fat. It was quite the opposite, actually. Since I cut gluten from my diet, I gained 25 pounds and am finally at a healthy weight. I don’t get asked if I am anorexic anymore and it’s all good…

      • Prescription Anal Only

        “poorly tolerated” not “allergic” as LT said, plus food processing has changed quite a bit in recent years in ways that would be expected to make gluten intolerance problems much worse (think of what would happen if food processing changed and put a ton of lactose in processed foods). More importantly, if her son is allergic to cow dairy, why is she supporting Kim K?

      • Little Tongue


        Thanks for bringing the LOL! back. :)

  2. JC

    If there’s any karmic justice in the world, these kids will grow up to overweight slobs, chugging down 64-oz Big Gulps while driving around in rusted out Dodge Chargers with Confederate flag decals plastered all over the bumpers.

  3. TP Bandit

    “…they eat Oreos, too, and they’re normal kids.” – is she implying usually only abnormal kids eat Oreos? Or there is something in Oreos but had no adverse effect on her kids?

  4. Even 15 feet away that dog can smell her ass.

  5. Gwyneth Paltrow Legs Short Shorts GMA
    Commented on this photo:

    “Look, I said I give my kids junk food, so I’m just like you Americans. I said Kim K is my fat friend, so you fatties have to like me now. And, Beyonce is my black friend, which is a holy-grail type validation of me as a white liberal, and you colored people have to like me now too. Enough, already, right? Just buy my lifestyle brand, you tedious proletariat masses. God, I feel so dirty now!”

  6. Gwyneth Paltrow Legs Short Shorts GMA
    Commented on this photo:

    Love those legs!

  7. Mama needs a new pair of shoes! Gwennie is out stumping for her new cookbook so prepare for a whole lotta backpedaling.

    “Look, the recipe calls for Manuka honey because that’s what my live-in sous chef buys. I don’t know where to buy honey!”

  8. Transcription error. She didn’t say, “They eat Oreos, too”; she said, “They eat Torula Stew.”

  9. The crap she does and says makes the hate fucking so much sweeter.

  10. The people in this comment would grudge fuck Gwyneth so hard.

  11. mrfknhappy

    Stupid bitch. Oreos are not gluten free!!

  12. Gwyneth Paltrow Legs Short Shorts GMA
    Commented on this photo:

    Oreos are actually quite popular with vegans. (Is Paltrow still vegan? Was she ever? It’s kinda vague. I just know that Oreos are vegan and that secret is widely shared amongst our tribe.)

  13. JennywithaY

    To be fair, she probably just assumes that we mere peasants can’t read or understand big fancy words like “specific” and “hunger”. It’s our own fault, really, for getting so uppity.

    Silly poor people, books and education are for important people.

  14. Gwyneth Paltrow Legs Short Shorts GMA
    Lucifer's Son
    Commented on this photo:

    2 Dogs in the pic. THe one in the background is cute.

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