Gwyneth Paltrow Is ‘Taking A Break’ From Acting To Focus on GOOP

“This face cream is delicious. What’s in it?”
“Haha, orphans.”

When we last left Gwyneth Paltrow, she had achieved full pretentious singularity by touting Quinoa Whiskey on Instagram, and now she’s going even more all-in on horseshit holistic living by taking a break from acting to focus on selling idiots $956 ass wipes. Us Weekly reports:

“We took some investment last year, so as soon as we had other people’s money, I realized I really better focus on this completely,” she explained. “I’ll return to acting probably, but probably not right now.”

Gwyneth says she’ll be focused on GOOP “24/7,” which is a huge tell about her commitment level because only poor people operate on International Atomic Time. Truly enlightened bourgeois minds know that the real way to measure time is to peel an avocado then count how long it takes before it sprouts legs and breastfeeds your children while you tell 25 people about your new Paleo diet. Or you can trust “scientists” that don’t even CrossFit, bro. It’s your life.

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