Gwyneth Paltrow Will Grace You With Her Stomach Now

After whatever governing body saw fit to grant her a Creative Arts Emmy for her Glee cameo, you know the one Lindsay Lohan tried to sue over, Gwyneth Paltrow decided to grace us, the little people, with a glimpse of her midriff, presumably glistened and moistened ever so softly from fairies she picked in her free-range basil garden then squeezed before drying them out in her closet. They say if you look at the torso of GOOP through a hole made from handmade, organic parchment paper, a silver farthing appears in your pocket making you slightly less poor for one single moment. Afterward, Gwyneth’s butler will remove you with a snow plow along with the other riff-raff and eaters of canned cheese.

Photos: Getty, Splash News