Gwyneth Paltrow’s Dinner Parties Sound Fabulous!

To promote her new cookbook “My Father’s Daughter,” Gwyneth Paltrow threw a lavish dinner party which included such guests as Michael Stipe, Jessica Seinfeld, Martha Stewart and Rupert Murdoch’s wife. Below is an excerpt from The New Yorker (Of course.) that reads almost exactly how you’d picture a Gwyneth Paltrow dinner party complete with an anecdote of Chris Martin sulking like a little bitch:

Mario Batali, in pink cargo shorts, was talking to Ruth Reichl. “She eats like a truck driver,” he said of Paltrow. He recalled being in Valencia, Spain, and “watching her eat an entire pan of paella as big as a manhole cover.”
Michael Stipe added, “Once, a duck she was cooking caught fire, and she threw it in the pool.”
… Christy Turlington looked on. “We are lucky in that we have been the recipients of many meals with Gwyneth Paltrow,” she said, and mentioned a stuffed-lobster dish that Paltrow and Martin had served in Amagansett. “They do everything themselves, including the killing of the lobster,” she said. “It’s not the boiling-in-the-pot-and-screaming lobster thing. It’s a different, faster approach. I could never do it.”
“You smack it against a tree or something?” Batali asked.
“You stick a knife through the head,” said Turlington, who seemed suddenly troubled. “Oh! That’s awful to say.”
… At 9 P.M., the guests went out to a pair of long tables on the terrace. Diaz, A-Rod, and Batali sat near Chris Martin, who had arrived looking cranky. (A publicist warned, “He doesn’t want to talk.”) Paltrow sat a few seats away, flanked by Jerry Seinfeld and Jay-Z. (The next day, she and the rapper posted reciprocal interviews on their Web sites. Paltrow: “I could sing to you every single word of N.W.A’s ‘Fuck tha Police.'”) Paltrow announced the menu: roasted red peppers with anchovies, escarole salad, pasta with duck ragout.

For those of you whose limited tolerance of pretentiousness forced them to bail after reading about eating paella in Valencia, Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t believe in tossing lobsters in a pan of boiling water because it’s inhumane, so she stabs them in the head first. Because that makes it all better.

FRIEND: Gwyneth, you can’t eat dolphin!
GWYNETH: Don’t worry, I’ll stab it in the head.

FRIEND: Gwyneth, you can’t eat albino tiger!
GWYNETH: Relax. I put a knife in its brain.

FRIEND: Gwyneth, children don’t go in pot pies!
GWYNETH: Stab, stab!

Photos: Splash News, WENN