Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin Were Photographed Together. Avert Your Eyes, Peasants!
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin make it an almost comical point to never be photographed together because it makes it really hard for him to bang groupies without being able to go, “When have you ever seen us together? See? Separated.” Even more surprising, they took their precious spawn Gaspard and Lisa to a Toys ‘R Us (In America!) like sorry sacks of shits from Buttfucksylvania. I could’ve sworn Gwyneth’s children only played with the finest handcrafted of toys culled from Napoleon’s personal collection of rare pewter figures. “It’s so darling watching little Moses make his soldiers invade Poland. Why I just laugh and laugh and lay out strips of albino tiger meat for gluten-free bald eagle jambalaya and laugh some more. Oh, and Apple plays with them too ’cause she’s a dyke.”