Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin’s Marriage is Ridiculous

September 8th, 2011 // 45 Comments

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin went to the Coach dinner party in London last night. Except instead of arriving and leaving together like a normal couple, Chris literally ran from the paparazzi while Gwyneth hid in the backseat of their car under a blanket. Because God forbid our plebeian eyes might look upon them as man and wife. Once that happens, you might as well crumple up the whole marriage and toss it at the help. It’s tainted now.

Photo: Splash News


  1. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    And if I spin just like this, I can see rainbows!

  2. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does her husband look homeless and she’s all dolled up?

  3. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Crotch Protection Mode engaged!

  4. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    how many vegans died to make that snakeskin bag?

  5. Frank Burns

    Looks like Martin didn’t like Gwynny poo’s recipe from the Goop site – “Blimey, woman, this is rubbish! Where’s me fish and chips! A right proper meal is what I need! To the car, and hide your shame under that bleedin’ $700 blanket you bought. Pip pip cheerio corr blimey!”

    • ✯Mama Kin✯

      untalented stinky cunt + untalented rotten toothed euroweenie = trainwreck no one gives a shit about with stupid names for their kids.

    • Chris

      I’m also a man and i can really understand , what and why
      Gwyneth finds & feels in Chris Martin .
      A real man doesn’t need to look tough
      ( only when it needs to )
      and tries to understand the woman hé loves .
      Seek a balans between both carierres love and raisin family .

      I think most men’s-reactions here are jealousy .
      Proposition : for all jealousers , we put for 1 complete year ,
      papparazzi behind your tails .
      From many guy’s , we will not have the expieriences because
      of suciding .
      So shown some more brain men because i’m shamed
      that you also call yourself MAN’

  6. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Uh,,, maybe it’s because it’s not Gwyneth, but the appointed “Bang-ee” of the month, to replace Gwyneth while she remodels the drapes?

  7. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Faceplant, oh if there’s a God in heaven, let there be a faceplant!!!!!!!!!!

  8. Richard McBeef

    nice scarf, you whiny pussy. even your cunt-bitch wife recognizes it’s warm enough to let some air flow over her doily covered taint in that skirt.

    what ever happened to women wanting a real fucking man? These scarf wearing, bitch jean sporting pussies make a straight man have to go gay before he can find a woman.

    • Help

      I’ll take a real man any day. This guy looks like a pussy.

    • kat

      the real men are the ones who dont go on gossip sites insulting celebs they dont know with the language and mentality of a fucking middle schooler.

    • Carmen

      a scarf in winter and jeans! BOO!



      hahahahaha god damn knuckle dagging homophobic douche.

  9. Is this considered “gettin’ jiggy with it”?

  10. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    From viewing this pic I have to say she definitely has more etiquette than cum dumpsters like Paris. I know…that isn’t saying much, but A+ on keeping the flap-basket hidden from the paparazzi.

  11. Drew

    She let him go to dinner dressed like that? Oh Gwyneth, you’re so silly.

  12. Venom

    Nice pretend dinner to look like everything looks OK in their marriage after the comments yesterday.
    Do PR people really think we are that stupid?

    On another note, she looks fucking good.

  13. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Yaus.. this is a scaff that gwyn bought me… spun from the hair of poor ethopian black people.

  14. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    who is the guy who’s hand she’s holding? Seriously do they like not want to be seen together because it ruins their images? Is this even a real marriage or is she trying to get Brit citizenship?

  15. TheAntiGwyn

    It is really too bad Chris Martin soiled himself with this woman because if it weren’t for that and their resulting spawn I would make that funny hooded scarf-wearing Brit mine all mine.

  16. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    If they were at the same event, why is she all fancy while he’s dressed like a G.I. Joe character on casual Friday?

  17. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    so that’s what a vegan Muslim looks like

  18. sasha

    He doesn’t want to be seen with you. Yeah, that’s a marriage.

  19. cocopebbls

    Why are these 2 so weird? I used to be on her side (privacy at all costs, bla bla), but it’s beyond my understanding at this point.
    Make up your minds Goopy & CM — if you hate each other, get it over with & get a divorce, the kids will be better off really than to be part of this lunacy! If you are together-together, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to act like you breathe the same air for just a microsecond. I dunno, living your life this way — constantly hiding, timing separate exits, with hoodies & blankets & odd faces — seems like such an unpleasant way to live.

  20. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Surreptitiously working on a better PR statement than “If there are any similarities between our two pieces of music, they are entirely coincidental, and just as surprising to us as to him.”

  21. slappy magoo

    You know how I know you’re gay? You like Coldplay.
    You know how I know you’re gay? You ARE Coldplay.

  22. Let rough's conscious be your guide

    If they do have an open marriage like I’ve read on the ‘internets’ then he should be ok about my request. He looks like a fan of James Ivory.

  23. Liz

    Oh, for heaven’s sake. This man must be the most passive agressive a-hole ever.

    Most people grow up and out of the “I’m so cool and unconventional that I don’t have to dress appropriately”, student-y hipster stage, certainly by the time they’re married with children. Most people come to realise that it’s just a matter of respect – for yourself as much as anyone else – to dress appropriately.

    So the fact that he’s wearing *this* to an ultra fancy work event thrown for his wife makes me think he’s even more of a douche than people suspect. This is what thirty something men wear to their wives’ functions when they’re immature, don’t want to be there and/or really dislike their wives.

    So yeah, I think the marriage is in trouble. The separate photos struck me as eccentric. This is just disrespectful.

  24. Dan

    These people love to pretend to hate the paparazzi, but they would really feel bad if they stopped coming around.

    Personally I think these two love the attention.

    • kimmykimkim

      So true. And I know everybody hates Lady GaGa but even she has said that if you have enough security people and you really and truly want to avoid the paparazzi, you can and people who say they can’t are either full of shit or need to spend their money on security rather than Bentleys. That’s why she’s got a Suburban.

    • Carrie Shelly

      I have met them , and the pretentiousness and other forms of odd behaviour are cover for the fact that they are both extremely insecure . They compensate their massive insecurity with constant attempts to have “their adoring public” and social ‘friends’ find them clever , talented , and accomplished. It is pathetic and relatively boring to endure their name – dropping and constant references to people , places , and activities as if these activities validate their lives . It is merely a vain attempt to fill in the meaningless aspects of their soulless , vacuous existence

  25. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Move: Drag Queen Shade Throw

  26. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Move: Insane Camel Tuck

  27. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Move: Short Bus Prison Break

  28. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Move: Stonehenge Shuffle

  29. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Move: Homeless Fashion Plate

  30. Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Why did the Gods take Amy and not this silver spoon git.

  31. Terry C - NJ

    It’s ALSO no one’s business but theirs! Why are people so worried about everyone else’s lives????

    Gee, maybe Chris should be walking ten paces behind Gwyneth carrying about six orphans like Trout Lips Jolie has Pitt doing?

  32. Aud

    I have never seen this man wear a primary color.

  33. Harding Cady Stanton

    Gwyneth uses toilet paper made from dove eyelashes and endangered butterfly wings. She doesn’t care what you think as long as she lives her privileged life and is entirely above the grubby masses she despises

  34. Jim

    It seems women just can’t get over Brad Pitt. They remain dazed and confused, making bad choices and acting dumb.

  35. Ginnifer

    Why do people use the internet as a forum of hatred and unkindness? They are just 2 people, who are married, with children and all of the issues that come with being married. Full stop. And all of that is work, for anyone. The end.

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