No Shit Gwyneth Paltrow Broke Up Chris Martin & Jennifer Lawrence

The very second Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin broke up, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out it probably had to do with the woman he’s technically still married to who also has a giant ego that’s about to get her face baked into a quiche. So let’s get this other with. Via Radar:

Gwyneth always pressured Chris to spend more time with Apple and Moses,” the source revealed. “The kids would constantly call Chris when he was with Jennifer, and whatever they were doing would have to come to a standstill. There was always the expectation from Gwyneth that Chris should spend even more time with the kids.”

Having the kids call while they’re trying to fuck? Quintessential GOOP. And just in case you think this is all bullshit, here’s fucking PEOPLE magazine entering the fray which is a pretty good sign that Jennifer Lawrence’s publicist has orders to kill:

Another insider confirms that it was Lawrence who ended the relationship – for a couple of reasons.
“She broke it off with Chris,” the insider says. “She was tired of the spotlight on their relationship and she also thought that Chris and Gwyneth were a little too close for comfort. It was an odd situation for her.”

When reached for comment, Chris Martin responded, “The children! Oh my, the children. I love the children so much. (She sewed a bomb into my head.) They’re such beautiful British children who I would never, ever give fast food to. (If you fashion a crude lead helmet, she can’t detonate it.) I just want to be with them all the time and never nubile, young actresses with their pornographic tendencies. What a silly sort. (Quickly, man!)”

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