Gwyneth Paltrow Actually Thinks She Broke The Internet

“Are you rife with anger, male sibling?”

Just in case some of you aren’t crystal clear on just how far Gwyneth Paltrow’s head is up her mugwort-steamed anus, here she is telling the Fast Company Innovation Festival that her divorce “broke the Internet” and absolutely meaning every word of it. Via Popsugar:

“Even if you look back at the time my husband and I were separating and the philosophy of ‘conscious uncoupling,’ we broke the f*cking Internet,” she said. “Even though we did it in an inelegant way — because it was such an emotional time and we didn’t give it as much context and didn’t explain [that it] wasn’t something that I was inventing — it was already an established theory.”

In Gwyneth Paltrow’s defense, conscious uncoupling was an embarrassment of riches, but only because it was the stupidest goddamn shit anyone’s ever heard in their life i.e. quintessential GOOP. That being said, if the pic below didn’t “break the Internet” – And let’s be clear, it did not. – then there’s no fucking way conscious uncoupling cracked that shit in two. It’s a naked butt! If a naked butt can’t do something, then there’s no hope for anything else. You’ve reached the limits of possibility, and that’s coming from someone who thinks Kim Kardashian should die in an ass-fire of her own making.

kim kardashian naked butt ass

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