God Spoke To Tracy Morgan, Is Pregnant

“He also wanted me to read this note. It says: STOP ASKING ME TO ‘STRIKE DOWN OBUMMER.’ I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS!

Christmas just came early in the form of Tracy Morgan claiming he spoke to God after his accident, because talking to crazy people is a classic past time of omnipotent deities. What else are they supposed to do? It’s not like there’s a bunch of murderous cops or politically-motivated wars for them to stop. Via Fox 411:

“I went to the other side,” he told the magazine. “This is not something I’m making up. Do you know what God said to me? He said, ‘Your room ain’t ready. I still got something for you to do.’ And here I am, doing an interview with you.”

Amazing, and what did Jesus’ horse want you to tell us in this interview, Tracy? Please, we must know!

“You know me: I’m old-school. I don’t use no rubbers, and I don’t pull out… Now my daughter’s here. Life is good, God is great.”

And that’s how both strippers and Duggars are made. Mysterious ways, bitches!
The End.

Love,

God

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