George Zimmerman Got Shot In The Face And Didn’t Die

“My gun spoke to me and said you’d teach me the ways of gun fu. Is this true?”
“I can only teach you that which you already know.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Listen to your gun, grasshopper. Listen to your gun…”

If you somehow haven’t heard by now, George Zimmerman was shot in the face yesterday and walked away because apparently he truly is the Angel of Death, so excuse me for a moment while I swallow that pill. And this one made of cyanide. *reaches for water glass* In the meantime, here’s the delicious irony part: Turns out back in September, George Zimmerman threatened his assailant Matthew Apperson during a road rage incident (of course) and literally said to him, “Do you know who I am? I’ll fucking kill you.” This culminated in Apperson allegedly seeing Zimmerman waving a gun inside his truck yesterday prompting Apperson to open fire in self defense and neither men being charged with having a goddamn gunfight in the streets because Florida. Mediaite reports:

Lake Mary, Florida police confirmed Monday that the motorist is Matthew Apperson, the same man who called police last fall claiming that Zimmerman had threatened to kill him. While Apperson has not yet been arrested for the shooting, if he is charged, he could potentially claim that he was standing his ground.

And there’s the delicious irony: The man who shot George Zimmerman in the face will walk away scot-free because of stand your ground. And by delicious irony, I mean Florida is the fucking wild west and you can walk around shooting anyone for anything. “Hey, did you just breathe that air? My lungs needed it first! Stand your ground! BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM.

Photo: Getty