We Live In A World Where George Clooney Is Married

“Alzheimer’s. Had it for months now. So who’s the poor shmuck getting married?”

If someone walked up to me and said, “Hey, did you hear George Clooney got married?” I’d punch that person square in the mouth for telling a lie so ridiculous I’d have legal grounds to sue for custody of his kids and win. And that’s with knowing George Clooney’s been engaged since April and just had a wedding two days ago. Except here we are because not only did he actually marry Amal Alamuddin*punches self in face* You sonofabitch! – he didn’t even execute her at the altar as a warning to future girlfriends which I bet significant amounts of money would happen and now have to change my identity. (I mean, pay Meatball Tony first thing tomorrow. Haha! *looks for passport*) Which raises the important question of who the hell did she catch him fucking? Because right now my short list is Kate Middleton and one of Brad Pitt’s kids. And if that last one seems out of line, George Clooney got married. Everything’s on the table.

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Photos: CIAO/Xposure/AKM-GSI